What am I missing?

Last night we were...at a baseball game.  Actually, we were at 2 baseball games.  Big and Middle.  Middle's first game back since the breaking of the arm.  The games didn't begin until after 8pm and we rolled in our driveway a little after 10pm.  I am so looking forward to summer so we can have late nights and not so early mornings.

As we were sitting between fields and my head was on a swivel trying not to miss an at bat or a defensive play, a friend walked up and we began chatting.  She said something along the lines of her being so busy going from ballgames, to practices and to a music program last week, that when she ended her day, she thought to herself...

Did I see anything that went on tonight?

I know exactly how she feels.  (She has three sons as well)

We have so much going on right now with the end of school, the thick of baseball season and the change of jobs, that my head (when it isn't pounding...) is spinning.

We are so busy planning and scheduling that we don't get to fully enjoy any one activity because we have somewhere else to be...or something else to do. 

Scheduling and being organized is very useful as a Mother...but being scheduled is a whole different thing.  I find that we have less time to just "be still" and take in the moments.  We obviously aren't going to quit baseball...and school is almost out.   My hope is that things will slow down just enough for us to gather ourselves and enjoy the Summer with the boys.  But what if it doesn't?  What if we are busier than we are now?  What if this?  What if that?

My life has been filled with lots of what ifs lately and it is starting to take over my entire being.

My hope is that things will slow down.  But...they might not.

My hope is that we'll be able to enjoy each and every interaction with our boys.  But we might not get to see everything they do.

My hope is that we'll make all these changes in our lives with a smooth transition.  But it might be a bumpy road.

My hope is that I'll look back in 10 years and remember these times fondly instead of saying things like..."I am so glad we are not in that phase anymore".  But...I might not look back at this time and smile.

We hope for things that don't always come through.  We hope for outcomes that don't always turn out.  We hope for the best and sometimes end up with the worst case scenario possible.

I realize this sounds negative, but I am driving home to a point here.

Even with the worst case scenario, looking back in a negative way, bumpy transition, missing some activities and dealing with parental guilt...we still have God.

We have to be able to look past the negative to find that our hope lies in one thing and one thing only.

My hope is in the Lord.

And looking back on these exhausting times...I know that my God is trying to teach me something.  Instead of having my head down and feeling sorry for myself...I need to open my eyes and be present for every second that I have been given.  Every ball game...every practice...every ride in the van with the boys...every music program...every girls night out...every date night with Coach.

I am so afraid that it will all go by too fast...and it probably will.  But my hope is in the Lord and I'll hold tight to that as long as I can.

Have a Happy Friday!  We will be ball gaming and garage sale-ing (is that a word?) all weekend long.  Go Jaguars and Wildcats!
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