Parenting is NOT for the weak

I'm thinking of writing a new line of baby shower cards.  I'm going to call the line...

Parenting is NOT For The Weak.

I think new parents should know what they are up against.  Pastel colors, baby shoes, bottles, and sweet baby animals don't tell the whole story.  Not once...did I receive a card that said..."Hold on for dear life when they turn 3".  I don't remember reading one that said..."when they are 11...regardless of whether they are a boy or a girl...they'll cry without warning."  No one told me that teenagers are from mars.  I don't remember anyone saying..."here's my number...call me when you need me to take them off your hands at 15".  Everyone wanted to hold them at 15 weeks...but not at 15 years.  I get it now.  And I think others should know too.

I know...I sound crazy.  Stay with me.

I've thought about this one card though...that really should go to every parent in the world.  Or Grandparent.  Or anyone that cares about children really.  I'm calling it...the Lemon.


You see...as a parent...occasionally, life hands your child a lemon.  And you have to teach them to make lemonade.  Or lemon cake.  Or a delicious slice of lemon pie like my granny makes.  I can remember the first lemon every handed to Big.  He was standing at the door at his daycare, and he got his little bitty hand shut in   it.  We had to take him for stitches and it was awful.  I remember sitting there thinking...how awful for my baby.  And how did this happen?  It wasn't anyone's fault.  No one intentionally hurt him.  He just got hurt. It was a big ol' lemon.

 As a parent, there isn't anything worse than watching your child hurt.

I can remember watching Middle go through getting his tonsils out.  It wasn't fair that his tonsils were defective.  It wasn't fair that he had to have them out and had a bad, bad, bad, time with the recovery.  It wasn't anyone's fault.  It just was a big ol' lemon.

These two examples happen to be a physical hurt, but all kinds of lemons can occur in the life of a child.  We've also dealt with emotional hurts as well.  We've had a few heartbreaks...we've had a few sport-aches...we've had a few school disappointments.  And we always tell them...when life hands you a lemon...you make lemonade.

How cliche.

As our kids have gotten older, the lemons are less random and more by some of their choices.  And as a parent...that is a hard lemon drop to swallow.  (too much?)  It is more like...when you choose a lemon from the grocery store...you have to make the best of it by making something awesome with that lemon.

When things happen that we as parents deem "unfair"...we have to remember that it is a result of perhaps the choices they've made along the way.  I think if I were to be honest with myself...90% of the lemons that have ended up in my basket have been due to my own choices prior to arriving at the store.

We like to blame things on just random unfortunate events.  However...somehow, we usually have a hand in the way things turn out.  As do our kids.

I worry all the time when my children face disappointment.  You don't want them to have to deal with sad, bad, and mad feelings.  As a momma bear...I want to find blame in anyone BUT them.  However...in my heart of hearts...I usually know where at least a fraction of the blame lies.

I also have to realize that it is through many of my own lemons that I've learned to be what I am today.  If it weren't for lemons, I wouldn't have Coach.  I wouldn't have my boys, my teaching job, and many other important aspects of my life.

I need to fall on my faith and let my kids have their moments of success and "failure" without placing blame on random lemons.

It is just so darn hard.  The end.

If you are a parent and you get what I'm saying, punch in.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

The Lemon Card

Congratulations on your new baby!  In life, they'll make choices that you'll want to blame on random lemons...but, really you need to know that they picked the lemon and they need to learn from it and make something amazing out of their mistakes.  Oh...and they'll be terrible at age 3, 11, and 15.  Good luck!

Love,
Amy

#itwillhold

I read something the other day that has been with me ever since.  

"Protecting open, nonjudgmental dialogue about difficult subjects with our kids is key. Maybe less when they are six, but when they are sixteen, they need to know they can ask hard spiritual questions without getting shut down, patronized, or dismissed. Fear is what generally makes us react with dogmatism (Slippery slope! Dangerous questions! Future heretic!), but God has never turned away a seeker and neither should we. Our children can press extremely hard on the gospel and it will hold." Jen Hatmaker

The last sentence is what got me the most.  "Our children can press extremely hard on the gospel and it will hold".

Too often...even as adults, we forget this.  I so often say yes to things that I should say No to because I worry about the effect it will have on my life.  I worry about the effect it will have on my children's lives.  Like saying no to "duel sports", or saying no to heading up a committee that I have no time for.  I've been reading a book called "The Best Yes".  This book talks about committing only when you have enough of you to give it your all.  

For me...sometimes I commit to things because I feel like that is what the person asking wants me to do.  I don't commit because it is what I should or need to do.  This week, we were in over our heads as far as our schedule is concerned.  We need to say no sometimes for our sake and for the sake of our family.  We cram as many things in as we can to get our kids in the right place or to keep them from falling behind.  We do the same things to ourselves to please others.  

Who pays the price for that?  

Our family.  

We don't sit at the table for dinner.  We cram homework into breakfast time.  We have cranky kids and fussy parents because we said yes when we should have fallen on what we know to be true.  Our faith.  I spend many nights thinking about the what ifs in this world.  If we say no...what if?  What if we say no and they don't ask "him" to be on the team again?  What if we say no and "they" think we're not a dependable employee.  What if we say no and we don't get included to go with that group of friends again?  

The what ifs are to be answered by what we know to be true.  

What if we said no...and the consequence that takes place...is exactly what is supposed to happen to us...to our kids...to our jobs...FOR our families?  

We can press extremely hard on the gospel and it will hold.

Food for thought.  What better way to teach our children about the strength of our faith, than to test it every now and again?  

Have a blessed day!

Referee of 3

Nelson #85

I had one of those ah-ha parenting moments tonight.  I feel like I should have had this long ago with this child, but I guess parenting is a journey...not a destination.

My Middle is a 7th grader and is playing school sports for the first time this football season.  He's been so excited and we are excited for him.  His sports are NOT to be overshadowed by his older brother's first year in High School football.  However...sometimes, my emotions and my complete panic set in and take over.  I feel as if my Big is slipping away.  High School?  No...surely not. After my complete and total panic attack about Big being in high school, I decide I must document EVERYTHING.  I take pictures of him all of the time because I feel like he is slowly growing into a man and there is nothing I can do to stop it.  I realized just the other day that I put a picture of he and I coming out of his football parent meeting on instagram.

I did NOT do this for middle.

Looking back, I'm certain this made him feel (at the least) unappreciated.  Wasn't his meeting picture worthy?  Of course it was.  I just don't feel the need to document everything with him like I do Big.  Because...well...he's my Middle!  And I'm certain he isn't only 2.5 years behind my Big...and leaving me in a short time as well.  (insert realization here)

Hold please...I need to eat something.

He is only 2.5 years behind my Big and he is his own person growing faster than I can keep up.  And sometimes...I'm so busy focusing on what I'm about to lose with one, that I miss what is actually happening with the others.

Parenting fail.

Don't look at me like that.  I'm sure you've done it too.  Right?  (say yes)

Here's the best part.  Middle is an amazing kid.  He is totally a middle and wears it well.  He's adjusted to my crazy-ness and loves me anyway.  He is independent and loving.  He is responsible and awesome. (Sometimes a little moody, but I think that is more age than birth order)

Where is she going with this?  Hold please...

Middle came home from practice the other night to inform us that his number in football was going to someone in a skills position.  Now...let me tell you...his number...is Big's number.  And that number was their Dad's number.  I have jerseys and necklaces made for this very purpose.  We are Nelson 22...or we were.  I thought he'd be devastated.  I even prepared a speech for when he came home with his new jersey to soften the blow.  This number is just...important.  Why?  I really have no idea.

Middle comes home from practice tonight wearing a new jersey.  He's number 85.  His smile was from ear to ear.  He looked so adorable and cute and grown up and awesome that I cried.  I did...(totally).  He was so happy to have his new number.  I think he was even happier to have his "own" number.

Sometimes, we try to make them into other people.  Sometimes we try to make them into something they just aren't.  Sometimes we even try to make them into something they don't want to be.

And then we realize...they are who they are.  They are who God fearfully and wonderfully made them to be.  There isn't another Tanner B.  Sometimes as a parent...it takes them realizing who they are on their own for us to really see what they have become.

He is so sweet...he is mine...and he is Nelson #85.

I hope my kids know that I want them to be who they are...and no one else.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 22, 85, and Little

#Thankful

Okay...here it is.

School is starting.  School HAS started for Coach and I.  I wanted to write about a little personal success that we've been having.  It will come in the words of failure, but you'll see hints of success shining through.  We'll call this...the I'm Thankful Project.  #Imthankfulproject

1.  I'm thankful that Coach and I both have jobs where we love what we do and we do what we love.

2.  I'm thankful that we have family who supports us and helps out in times of need.

3.  I'm thankful that the boys had a successful mowing business this summer to support their trips to Midway, Taco Bell, and the mall.

4.  I'm thankful that our house is a complete disaster.  Crooked lampshades, socks on counter tops, cap gun trash on the floor...all proof that the house still stands.  After a week of us working, and our children being home without parental supervision...it is a complete wreck.  There is a cereal bowl on the counter from...I'm not sure when.  I know for a fact, the boys forgot to feed Little on Tuesday.  He made his own lunch of multiple packs of fruit snacks and chips.  Our laundry pile is taller than Middle. But...the house...still...stands.  #thankful

5.  I'm thankful for the speeches of injustice and unfairness from our Big and Middle over having to stay home with a  little brother.  The countless eye rolls and muttering under their breath makes it all worth it.  I'm sorry boys...that we have full time jobs and you have the joy of being home in the air conditioned house with electronics, food, and cap guns.  How awful for you.  I love your speeches though.  It makes me see how ready you'll be for presentations in school.  #thankful

6.  I'm thankful for the quiet moments in the middle of the night when I wake up in a blind panic wondering if I forgot to buy goldfish or printed a transportation sign up sheet for meet the teacher night.  I'll keep my complaining about work to a minimum seeing how I've been away from it for a few months.  ;) But you should know that even teachers...worry in the night about Meet the Teacher night.  For any of my future students...I'm nervous too.  We're in this together.  :) #thankful


7.  I'm thankful for the therapy session I had with Little on our walk yesterday.  He had a complete meltdown of not wanting to go back to school and wondered if I could Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease just stay home and home school him since I am now a teacher and know what I'm doing.  Oh Little....no.  I'm sending you to school where your totally awesome and capable 2nd grade teacher will teach you all you need to know and will make sure you get more to eat for lunch than fruit snacks and chips. She'll take care of your worries and your nerves to the best of her ability.  Bless your heart sweetie...you need to go back to school.  #thankful

8.  Finally...I'm thankful that the fried food frenzy that we call Old Settlers is upon us.  I can't wait to get to the streets of Mulvane and eat the food that will no doubt impede my progress during my 5:30 a.m. aerobics class on Monday morning.  If I don't blog again next week, you can pretty much guarantee I'm slumped over my step with my hands gripped around my body bar praying for mercy.  The cheesecake on a stick will be worth it though.  #thankful

Punch in Coach.  We have a house...three healthy kids...and full time jobs that we love.  We are successful.  Even through crooked lampshades and children who are less than pleased with us. #thankful

Happy Day Friends!

Referee of 3

#Happy

I've seen a lot posts about 'Happy Days' lately on Facebook.  I haven't joined in with the pictures or the 100 days because I tend to forget things.  I'm sure I would forget to post on...shall we say...day two.  But that...coupled with a pin I saw on Pinterest got me thinking.

As parents...we sometimes are a little hard on ourselves as far as how well we are doing in the eyes of others.

I have been pretty hard on myself over the past week over a few mistakes that I like to refer to as 'The Epic Parenting Fails of the Summer of 2014'.  I like to give things titles.  It's just something I do.

Moving on...

I post about my short comings because I think it makes others feel like they are normal.  We are always trying to compare ourselves to the image of a perfect parent.  I've never seen one (sorry Mom and Dad...you run a close race) in person...only in theory.  In my mind, the perfect Mom gets up and reads a devotional, works out, makes a hot breakfast, gets cleaned up and ready to go and has her first cup of coffee in silence before her children wake up happy and beautiful.  They are always on time, look amazing, and have a positive attitude.  They are always smiling, rested, and in great shape.  The perfect parent has respectful, helpful, compassionate children.  They cook, clean, and do yard work without breaking a sweat.  They attend church weekly and have a family meal at the table every night.  They pray and fall asleep smiling.

When I don't model myself after this perfect image, I become unhappy.  I'm unhappy when I get lost in a prayer.  I'm unhappy when I only get half the house cleaned.  I'm unhappy when we eat dinner on the run.  I'm unhappy when I take my kid to church camp on the wrong day.  I feel like a failure when I don't fit into this perfect box.

When I'm unhappy, what my kids get is a stressed, mean, hateful, failure of a mom.

Now...don't get me wrong.  Clearly I have things to work on.  I need an assistant.  And I need an assistant for my assistant in order to get my calendar right.  I'm not saying it is okay to live in a state of constant chaos.  I am saying that maybe we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves when we don't fit into the definition of the perfect parent.

The day I took Middle to church camp (a week early), I cried for like three miles.  Literally.  Do you know what Middle did?  He teared up right there with me.  He patted my shoulder and told me repeatedly that it was alright.  He said..."Everyone makes mistakes Mom."  He then spent the next three miles telling me all of the reasons this "actually worked out better."  As I reflected on that "mistake"...I saw a glimpse of the person that kid is turning out to be.  And somewhere in my reflection of a failure of a mother...I taught him to find the good in things.

Maybe I'm not a failure.

Maybe I'm not the perfect parent and maybe I have a lot of things to work on, but maybe I'm not a failure.

Seeing this quote made me realize that I need to give my children the gift of a Happy Mother.  A Happy Mother that is not completely unsatisfied with who she is as a person.

I may not always be on time.  I may not always be put together.  I may not always get my devotional done or my workout in.  I may not always say the right things or make the right choices.

But I love them more than anything in this world.  And that...makes me #Happy

Referee of 3

P.S.-I made a whole plate of cookies without burning them.  That is a little personal success story.  <3

Focus

Dear God,

Please be with...

Please help...

Please give me peace with...

Did I ever pull those baseball pants out of the washer?

Did we miss the boys' haircuts last week?

How many days until we report back to school?

Oh...sorry God.  

Uhmmmmmm...please give me strength and patience for...

Is our dog out?  Whose dog is barking like that?  What time is it?  

Is that my phone?  

Sorry God...I'm out.  

Amen

Welcome to my prayer time.  It isn't always like this.  Sometimes it is worse.  I can't focus.  When I do focus, I'm interrupted.  I feel like a failure at praying, yet I know the importance of doing so.  

At church yesterday, our pastor talked about "firework moments" in your walk with Christ.  How some people have amazing firework moments while others have moments that come a little at a time.  Sometimes a building is in the way...but you can see the fireworks enough to know they are there and you can imagine that in all their glory, how amazing they must be.  

Sometimes my walk can be like that.  I stray far enough away from my faith that the fireworks are almost out of sight completely.  But...I catch a glimpse and I'm pulled back in.  I tried to sit this morning and have quiet prayer time because I was searching for the fireworks.  That's when the crazy prayer from above happens.  

I am in need of focus.  

Maybe I'll start small...like with exercise.  If I start with 5 push ups...I'll find my way to many push ups.  

Dear God,

Please help me focus on you.

Amen  

I know God knows the desires of my heart.  I'll try to put less in words and more in shifting my focus and finding the fireworks again.  

Now...about those baseball pants...

Referee of 3

Thirst

I've never been much of a "green thumb".  I usually end up killing anything I've ever tried to plant or pot.  It isn't that I can't do it.  I am pretty sure it is the fact that I don't give the plants what they need.

In this life, I've never been accused of someone that has it "together".  I used to get super frustrated with this fact.  I guess I've gotten used to it because it really doesn't bother me that I'm not the most organized mother on the face of the earth.  I'll never win an award for most organized kitchen cabinets or cleanliest laundry room.  In fact...my own mother bought me a book for Christmas for the sole purpose of helping me get better organized.  I lost that book in the Galveston cruise ship port.  If you are shocked, you don't know me very well.  You'll also not be surprised to know that I found that book later when I unloaded a bag that we missed when we unloaded the others.  For someone who isn't very "together"...I'm usually pretty lucky.

Some people live their life with order and routine.  I am not one of those people.  Which is probably why my plants never make it.  I forget...in the crazy chaos of life...to water them.  When I plant them, I always tell myself to get up first thing in the morning, get coffee, and water the flowers.  I tell myself in my best "mom" voice...make it a habit.  Do it every day and you'll eventually get used to it.  This is coming from someone who usually washes her hair twice in the shower because she can't remember if she has washed it once already.  I don't do things in the same order...ever.  It is bad and it REALLY bothers my type A husband and children.  Poor things.

As I was looking at my pretty flowers and noticing how wilted and sad they were looking from lack of water, I realized something.  I too feel wilted and sad sometimes.  It is amazing to me how I can connect my relationship with God to my sad and wilted flowers.

Keep reading...I'll wrap this up soon.

If we don't give ourselves the opportunity to live in the word every day, we tend to get sad...and wilted.  We become bitter and we react, rather than respond to situations that arise.  We become thirsty...like the flowers.  Flowers that are watered consistently are so much prettier to look at.  They stand tall and have bright and gorgeous colors.

I'm so guilty of forgetting to quench my own thirst.  I forget to read my bible.  I forget to open a devotional.  I forget to pray.  I forget to include God in my every day decisions.  And when I do...I can tell.  People around me can tell.

I hate that.

I don't want to be a sad, dried up flower.  I want to be strong and stand tall.

It isn't just about making myself be in the word every day either.  It is about surrounding myself with people who want to be seen in that light as well.  Unfortunately...when we put ourselves in the company of those who don't care about quenching that thirst...we too become dried up.  It's crazy.

I heard the words of a song the other day that really hit this home for me.

The song said..."let them see you in me".

There's much more...but those are the words that play over and over in my mind.

Let them see you...in me.

Another song that always plays in my mind says this...

"come to the water, you who thirst...and you'll thirst no more"

I have a couple of goals for myself.  One...not to kill my pretty porch flowers.  I only planted two pots.  I thought to myself..."I can handle two pots...right?"  We'll see...says the woman who shampoos twice.  And two...to be better at quenching my own thirst.  I need to let people see God in me.    As my Big goes through confirmation this weekend, I need him to see God in me too.

Challenge accepted.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3 23

Redefining Social Media

I really didn't want to go to Ash Wednesday service at our church.  That week was stressful and I just needed a night at home.  However, Big is going through confirmation and took an active part in the service.  I knew where I needed to be and why.  I just wasn't "feeling it" though.

After listening to PR talk about the importance of the Lenten season, I knew why God wanted me there.  I listened intently and felt some of the words he used stinging my heart.  It was obvious that I was there for a very good reason.

As many of you know, this year has been full of ups for us.  I had a new teaching job and Coach moved to the high school to teach.  We had so many positive changes happening in our lives and it was great.  Until the stressful side of those changes took over.  The changes in our lives became overwhelming and I could see that I was more anxious than grateful at many times.  This comes with the territory of any new position I would imagine, but I just wasn't feeling the thankfulness I had felt earlier in the year.

We have also had the opportunity to travel to two amazing places as a family in the last year.  The trips brought us closer as a family and I am so grateful we had that experience for our boys.  However...the awesomeness of the trips got wrapped up in the stress of packing, traveling, and so on.  My thankfulness just wasn't as present as I had hoped it would be.

I haven't always given something up for Lent.  In fact, I only started giving something up a few years ago as a way to strengthen my "walk" towards Easter.  PR mentioned a few years ago that we were to give something up or add something to our lives during the Lenten season to help us truly understand our walk with Christ to the Cross.  After talking with some friends, I know not everyone is sold on this concept, and that is okay.  It's been a personal decision of mine to try to give something up each year since then.  The first year, I gave up all sweets.  That was...a nightmare.  I was in the thick of my cookie dough coping mechanism and I took it all away from myself.  I had to learn to deal with stresses by eating crackers and cheese instead.  The second year, I gave up Diet Pepsi.  That was also a disaster.  I am pretty sure this is the time I started drinking more than 4 cups of coffee a day and have had the shakes ever since.  In giving up these things, I realized it wasn't helping me in my walk to the cross much.  I was just replacing one vice with another. The next year, I decided to add something to my life instead of taking something away.  I added a daily devotional and writing on my blog more.  This was very beneficial because I was able to start my day with the word and then reflect on my thoughts by writing.  It was great until life got in the way.  I always start with such passion and then end up only blogging once every other week.

Where is she going with this...?  Stand by.  I'm getting there.

This year, after attending the service I didn't want to attend, and then realizing how much I needed to be there, I decided to look at whatever it was that was truly keeping me from time with "life".  Not just time with God, but time with my husband, my children, and my family and friends.  As I left the church that night, I knew exactly what I'd be giving up for Lent.  But instead of saying I was giving it up for Lent, I knew I was really giving it up for the people in my life who had taken a backseat to it.  I gave up social media.

Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.  Now you know how much I love social media.  If you don't,  you don't know me very well.  When I was home with my kids, I used social media to socialize with other adults.  I loved catching up with friends from college and high school.  I loved seeing pictures of families, vacations, new babies, etc.  Then came the age of smart phones.  Since I have added these social media apps to my phone, I became more and more detached from life.  Real life.  It is so easy to do.  And you don't mean to do it.  But I did it.  I missed whole conversations with my family.  I missed important cues from friends who were struggling.  I never saw things because I had my head down reading who knows what on social media.  I became more insecure and less present each day.  And then...I saw my kids doing it.  I noticed they weren't listening to me.  They didn't notice when things were stressful.  They weren't listening and they started basing their self worth on how many followers they had.  What?!?!  Who does that?

Guilty as charged.

I would find myself feeling insecure or confident based on the number of "likes" I got on a post.  I would wait for notifications on my phone to tell me if a blog I had written was good or bad.  The truth of the matter is...I don't write for other people.  I write for me.  I shouldn't care what people think...but, it is who we are.  AND...I feel like social media has taken that to a whole new level.

Who in this life are we trying to impress?  Who in this life are we trying to compete with?  What is it that I want people to know about me when I am gone?

Not that I was on social media all of the time.

Not that I based my self worth on how many social media notifications I had.

Not that I wasn't present in life, but present online instead.

Since I've been off social media, I've noticed many things.  One, I see things.  I see what is happening around me.  Two, I hear things.  I hear when Little tells me a story.  I heard the excitement with Middle's voice when he came home with his new baseball uniform.  I heard the stress in Big's voice as we filled out his high school schedule form.  Three...I've learned things.  I'm learning who I am and what I need in my life.  I will get back on social media eventually.  But I need to know that I don't need it to survive.  I need to know who my true friends are.  I need to know that my family knows I'm present.

I'm redefining what social media is in my life.  When I'm gone...I want people to know that I was a good mom because I was seeing and hearing my children.  I want people to know that I am a good parent because I know my kids by what they say to my face, not what I read about them on social media.  I want people to know that I am a good wife because I love my husband and it shows.  I want people to know I was loyal to my family because of my actions.

I want my actions to speak louder than my posts.

I have so much work to do in my life as far as my "walk" is concerned.  But I feel like this is a good step.  God sacrificed his son for us.  I think we all know I can't give up sweets, but I can surely redefine social media in my life for the people I love.  :)


Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3, 23

Keep It Together

Do you ever give yourself pep talks?  Because I do.  I think it is completely normal.  And because I chose not to survey anyone else before writing this post, we'll call it normal.  I do this quite often.  When I deem something normal, rather than asking others, I just go with it.  It makes me feel better...along with butterfingers, diet Pepsi, and warm towels.

Last week, Big had Freshman Orientation.  

Did you read that?  

FRESHMAN ORIENTATION

This means the orientation for him becoming a Freshman.  In high school.  As I sat listening ever so intently to the counselor, I started to feel the walls closing in.  I wouldn't say I had a panic attack, but my heart was beating fast...my palms were sweating...and my mouth was dry.  When the meeting was over, I felt numb.  Is it actually possible that my sweet, little, Big was going to high school?  

The answer is no.

One...I'm not old enough.  I'm sure of it.  In fact, I'm quite certain I just graduated from college.  (Forget the fact that I finished at 35)  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...I feel as if I just finished high school.  Two...he can't be old enough to go to high school.  He was just two years old and I had to get mad at him for biting or not eating his carrots.  How is this possible?  He can't be ready for high school...HE JUST CAN'T BE!  I was just reading Goodnight Moon to him every...single...night...before bed.  

The week before last...I took my Middle to his first middle school dance.  He got dressed, sprayed cologne, took pictures with girls...hold please.  (I need a tissue and some chocolate)

I mean...WHAT IS HAPPENING?  This is my sweet cheeked Middle.  This is the little guy who stood on the pitching mound and smiled at me during the game.  He can't be dancing with other girls.  He JUST CAN'T BE!  This is the one that loved me and would listen as I read Snuggle Puppy every...single...night...before bed.  

Do you see?  Do you see why I keep giving myself the 'Keep It Together Sister' pep talk?  Life is handing more change than I can deal with.  Clearly, I'm fragile.  Can't life see that I can only deal with small changes one at a time?  Not several big changes at once...no.  No...no...no.  

Hold please...(more tissue...more chocolate)

We've had a few snow days and as a result, Little's Valentine's Day music program happened last Friday evening.  I charged my camera and off we went.  As he stood on the front row, I watched him.  I watched his face.  I watched his little mouth move.  I watched his little hands as he nervously did the motions to the songs.  I looked for a smile...(performing is not his cup of tea so the smile came at the end.)  One of the songs they sang almost brought me to tears.  

Oh...who am I kidding.  I teared up.  I teared up and had a 'Keep It Together Sister' pep talk with myself right there in the stands.  The song was "You've Got a Friend in Me" from Toy Story.  I have watched this movie with the boys so many times I can quote it.  I have yet to finish the third one because I become inconsolable when the Mom is sending the son to college.  To prevent any complete catastrophes...I just turn it off.  I may never finish that movie...ever. 

As they finished the song...I had to continually tell myself to keep it together.  I was on the verge of a total and complete meltdown.  I waited until I got home and then the tears came.  

All this growing up and changing has me scared to death.  SCARED TO DEATH.  I want you to understand how frightened I am.  I NEED you to hear this in my words.  Having children to love is the most amazing and wonderful thing in the world.  I think God gives us people in our lives to love unconditionally so we can fully understand his love for us.  I think he wants us to love them and fear for them as he loves and fears for us.  

It is hard.  

It is so, so, so, hard.  

But it is so, so, so, worth it.  

On the way home from the program as I was thinking of all the things that are changing, a song came on the radio that really helped me think.  I could sit and be sad that the past is behind us.  I could cry all day long about what has changed and how I want my babies back.  Or...I could start keeping it together and telling them the things I need them to know for the future.  This song...brought me to that understanding.  This song...and God.  I'm so thankful that he is in control...because clearly, I am not.  

"The Words I Would Say" Sidewalk Prophets

It's Three in the morning
and I'm still awake
so I picked up a pen and a page.
And I started writing
just what I'd say
if we were face to face

I'd tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths

Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so 
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say
Last time we spoke
you said you were hurting
and I felt your pain in my heart
I want you to know
that I keep on praying
Love will find you where you are

I know 'cause I've already been there
So just hear these simple truths

Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so 
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say
From one simple life to another
I will say
Come find peace in the Father

Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so 
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
Thank God for each day
His love will find a way
These are the words I would say.

Confessions of a MOT...Mom of Teens

I remember having this amazing relationship with my Mom growing up.  I always thought she was beautiful.  She was kind, thoughtful, and a very hard worker.

Until this one day...when I realized I was much cooler than she was.  Suddenly, she appeared less amazing, wore dorky clothes, and nothing she said made any sense what so ever.

Shortly after those awful years of living with a dorky dressing dumb mom...I moved out.

Shortly after moving out, I realized how amazing she was...again.  I remembered her inner and outer beauty.  But, more than that...I remembered that she was paying for everything that kept me going in college.

Then I had children.  Now I realize that she really is amazing.  She is beautiful on the inside and out...and she is a genius.  PURE Genius.

I had children when I was pretty young.  When I found out I was pregnant with Big...I was 21...barely.  I knew nothing of being a parent or the toll it would take on my mind, body, and heart.  After Big was born...I was sure I was a good parent.  I could change his diapers, rock him to sleep, get him to burp after a bottle, and he didn't have his first stitches until he was 2.  Yep...good mom...right here.

I am amazing...I thought, as I loaded up my new baby and my two year old in a grocery cart and did all the shopping.  I've totally got this...as I handled a church service with ease and gracefully found my way out of any situation that contained vomit or runny poo.

Parenting isn't that hard after all...I thought.

Stupid...stupid...stupid.

When Big became a pre-teen, I really had no idea what I was up against.  But...we handled all that came our way.  Again...I thought...We are REALLY good parents...as we saw grade cards and met new friends through sports.  We've totally got this...as we met  the challenges of a busy sports schedule, a 10 year old...and an unexpected three year old on my hip.

I don't know what people complain about...I thought.

Stupid...stupid...stupid.

We have now entered the world where we are man to man with teens in this house.  And to boot...we have a very curious seven year old that hangs on every word.

Let me explain.

I thought it would be fun to take my two impressionable boys shopping for clothes for the upcoming middle school dance.  I'm not sure what happened in that two hour time period, but I discovered something I don't think I was quite ready for.

I am the dorky dressing dumb Mom my mom once was in my eyes.

I know...I can hardly believe it either.  Just last week I was commending myself for wearing jeans tucked into my boots.  That's cool...right?  For someone who was such a stellar parent with small babies and toddler...I've apparently lost all of my "swag".  What am I saying...I really have no clue.

As I wandered around a store that I used to frequent, I realized I was shopping for my kids...in this store...that I used to buy clothes in.  Suddenly...it hit me like a sack of bricks.

I'm...not...cool anymore.

I bolted out of that store like nobody's business.  I found myself in the Dillards restroom staring in the mirror.  I don't even recognize myself anymore.  I...am...my...mother.

Oh...My...Goodness.

My kids think I know nothing.  They love me...they do.  But, I'm not cool.  I tried following Big's friends on Twitter in an attempt to keep an eye on things.  This is "not cool".  My smarter than me 14 year old got into my Twitter and unfollowed people.  As I admitted to being guilty of following some of his friends...he informed me that it is "kind of creepy".

Super.  I'm the dorky dumb sort of creepy Mom with no swag.

This is all new territory.  So...stay with me as I try to figure it all out.

I love my kids and I want them to understand that just as they are learning to be big...we are learning to let them be big.  It is cray cray.

#notready

I'll need support and dare I say it...cookie dough.  Lots of it.  Thank goodness...I still have a Little.

This is way harder than I thought it might be.  Who is with me?  Dorky not ready to let go parents...unite!

Have a blessed day!
Referee of Two Teens and  a Little

Come As You Are

I just spent the last 45 minutes cleaning up my house for my new cleaning assistant.  Yes.  You heard that right.  I have hired a cleaning assistant.  She will be my  new best friend.  I feel like I already want to buy her gifts even though I'll be paying her to help me keep this place up.  I want to thank her for simply existing and being around to help me.

I'm not ashamed.

I need help.

I've needed help for years.  Please don't misunderstand me.  Coach and the boys do their part.  Coach does more than most husbands I am quite sure.  But there is something about being a Mom and Wife that takes a little more.  There is an expectation of the way things "should" be.  When you are a Mom/Wife that can't fulfill those obligations due to job...children...sports...etc., you feel almost unworthy of your title.  I'm not writing this for pity.  Really...I'm not.  There is just this GIANT list of things you want to accomplish in your day that 9 times out of 10 don't get done in real life.

We are coming and going so much that it makes my head spin.  Cleaning happens.  Deep cleaning only happens when someone is coming over.  Spring cleaning happens in the summer and closet clean outs happen on snow days.  That's how we roll around here.  However...my point to this post isn't to tell you about why I need a cleaning helper new friend.

I was thinking as I was running through my house trying to make it something it usually isn't...about how ironic that is.  I was hanging towels and putting away a month's worth of jewelry.  I was scrubbing toilet seats and picking up the shoes that surrounded the "shoe basket" in the front door.  I was putting away mail and shining my faucet in the attempt to make my new cleaning helper friend think we are usually quite tidy.  I even fixed my make up and put on perfume.  (Did I think she would smell me?  I don't know.  I really...don't...know.)

I laugh at the thought of what I looked like doing this.

I think coming into a church home can be like this as well.  Or simply coming to know Christ.  So often we think, or rather we KNOW that we need him.  We need help.  We can feel it and know that he is the missing piece of our lives.  Yet...we rush around trying to clean up our lives using every other method than just coming to him as we are.  We think we have to look, be, act, and be perceived as a certain person.  All God wants is for us to come to him as we are.

We are usually broken.  We are messy.  We are confused and sometimes hurt.  We are trying to pick up pieces or find our way back to the path.  And he says...that's OK.  He isn't wanting us to come to him with shiny faucets and shoes neatly placed in our baskets.  He says just come...as we are.

I love that about God...because I'm a mess.  And he loves me anyway.  I can only hope my new cleaning assistant friend is okay with that too.  :)

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

Parenting...

When our kids were little, people would say things like...

"This is the easy part."

or

"They only get harder."

When you are up at 2:00 a.m. with a new baby and a puking toddler, you beg to differ.  However, now that my kids are a little older, I do think I have to agree somewhat.  There isn't anything like the tired of a Momma after a long night with a new baby.  I am always very hesitant to say the words "I'm exhausted" in front of a new parent because I remember.  I remember thinking that when someone said that to me after Little was born, I wanted to cry and say with mascara running down my cheeks..."you don't even KNOW tired."  I'm off topic...stand by.

Okay...as I was saying.  Parenting...is hard.  As our kids have grown, our love, our fears, and our pride has grown along with them.  I'm so thankful for our friends who have had children grow up before ours.  Watching them handle their children has been so helpful as I am a visual learner.  There are things that you never see coming though.

Coach and I like to say we try to do the best we can.  We really do.  With the chaos that ensues our lives on a daily basis, we always try to find time to sit and talk with the boys.  Even if it is for 10 minutes.  We are finding that even the littlest bit of communication one, makes a difference, and two reveals a lot about our children.  Little doesn't have to find time to be communicated with because...well, he never stops talking.  We know A LOT about Little.  I wonder where he gets that...

Anyway...we spend a lot of time thinking and re-thinking our parenting choices.  As I said before...parenting is hard.  Harder than I ever thought.  I don't remember ever having to deal with these kinds of problems with my cabbage patch kids growing up.  They just sat there and always smiled.  They never talked back and they loved me back.  I'm sure of it.

In the past few years, our kids have been put in situations where we as parents feel like it is "unfair" or not as it should be.  I don't know why our first reaction to things is always skeptical and negative.  I think because we think we "know" what is best for them and when our best laid plans don't pan out...we panic.  We think..."no...this isn't the way it was supposed to be."  We worry and hurt and worry some more for our kids.  As I said...the bigger they get, the bigger the fears.  Right now I am overwhelmed with fear for my teenager who is learning to drive and my pre-teen who is spending his first year in Middle School.  But...they surprise me all of the time.  In situations where I think they are getting the short end of the stick, they find the good in it.  I guess...what surprises me the most about parenting is this.  We spend so much time trying to teach them how to be good people and live a respectable life.  And out of nowhere...they teach us.  They handle things that we deem unfair with grace and kindness.  They surprise us with their positive outlook and ability to see a bigger picture.  These are moments when I know that God is involved.  Because we as earthly parents want to find the people in charge and give them a piece of our mind.  God steps in and teaches our children to do the right thing...and we learn from them.

Sometimes I'm just amazed.

I found this quote in my devotional the other day about parenting and I'm taking it with me everywhere I go.

"...none of us are in control of our world except God, and nothing happens to us or our loved ones that He doesn't know about."

That's pretty good stuff right there.  Nothing happens to our loved ones that he doesn't know about.  All of the things that come up in the lives of our children...he knows.  Not only does he know...he equips them to handle it knowing all the while, we as earthly parents need to learn through them.

Good stuff...good, good stuff.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3, 23

The Time of our Lives

There are so many things I want to say about our vacation that I decided to write a blog. Our vacation started about a week ago when we left our small town for another big Nelson adventure. None of us had any idea what we were about to experience. For this, I am thankful. I'd like to say the entire trip was amazing and that we had the time of our lives.  This is true. But I wouldn't be being completely honest if I didn't tell you that we had some "rocky times". (Pun intended). Now I know what you must be thinking. A week on a cruise with her family and she is going to complain. I'm not complaining. I'm just going to tell you the real story. I could bore you with all of the details, but I think I will tell this story through a series of "what I learned" quotes. So...without further adeau...

What I learned on our Family Vacation
By Amy Nelson

1. I learned that we are so fortunate to have had this opportunity to be with Coach's family. They are all amazing people and we are so blessed to have them in our lives. Family loves us no matter what. At times on this vacation, I was very thankful for that. Nana...we love you so much and we thank you.

2. Cruises are awesome. Waves are less awesome. Dramamine is awesome. Rough seas and cold fronts are not awesome. Cruises are not for the weak. I am kind of weak.

3.  Mexico is beautiful. At least parts of it are. Progreso was just as beautiful as I imagined. I wish I could have tucked my sissy into my travel bag for photography purposes. As it turns out, I am Still a terrible photographer.

4.  Progreso has sidewalks. And as most sidewalks do, Progreso's tend to slope down every once on awhile. I learned that when carrying a seven year old on your back, you should watch your step instead of smile at the locals who are driving by. The ground in Progreso feels much like the ground at home when I fall on it. I can still hear the locals laughing as my family rushed to my aid. Unfortunately there was no where to hide. I laughed and made jokes with everyone else, but I will never forget the look on Little's face when I looked up. He was horrified that I had fallen and that I had dropped him. Ugh. Just call me Grace.

5.  Uncles are great to have  around. Ours bought a Green Bay Nacho Libre mask and a set of bongos. I learned not to take him shopping with Us anymore.

6.  I love Dolphins. We got to swim with them and I even saw Coach give one a kiss. Watching the boys' faces as they swam with the Dolphins was quite possibly the highlight of this trip. Well...it takes a close second to the warm chocolate melting cake we had for dessert every night.

7.  I learned that my skinny, tall, sister in law should never introduce me to her favorite dessert. We re-named the warm chocolate melting cake "Paige's cake".   I am quite certain the cake will look differently on my 5'4" frame, but it was worth every bite.

8.  I learned that Big and Middle  are capable of making friends wherever they go. I am so glad they were able to make friend "ships". Get it? I'm delirious

9.  I learned that eating breakfast at the front of the ship while the water is "rough" as the captain said, is much like eating more carny food than your stomach can hold and immediately riding the teacups. It is a bad idea.

10.  I learned that just as I developed a sentimental attachment to our mini-van, I also developed an attachment to our amazing crew. I cried a little when I thought about leaving the new "friends" we made.  I'm sad to leave, but so ready to Be home.

We really are very lucky to have had this trip. I'll load pics when I get home, but for now you have my top 10 "What I Learned On Our Family Vacation". Have a blessed day. We are on the road again! I apologize in advance for any misspelled words. I'm blogging from my phone.     happy New Year!

Referee of 3