Confessions of a MOT...Mom of Teens

I remember having this amazing relationship with my Mom growing up.  I always thought she was beautiful.  She was kind, thoughtful, and a very hard worker.

Until this one day...when I realized I was much cooler than she was.  Suddenly, she appeared less amazing, wore dorky clothes, and nothing she said made any sense what so ever.

Shortly after those awful years of living with a dorky dressing dumb mom...I moved out.

Shortly after moving out, I realized how amazing she was...again.  I remembered her inner and outer beauty.  But, more than that...I remembered that she was paying for everything that kept me going in college.

Then I had children.  Now I realize that she really is amazing.  She is beautiful on the inside and out...and she is a genius.  PURE Genius.

I had children when I was pretty young.  When I found out I was pregnant with Big...I was 21...barely.  I knew nothing of being a parent or the toll it would take on my mind, body, and heart.  After Big was born...I was sure I was a good parent.  I could change his diapers, rock him to sleep, get him to burp after a bottle, and he didn't have his first stitches until he was 2.  Yep...good mom...right here.

I am amazing...I thought, as I loaded up my new baby and my two year old in a grocery cart and did all the shopping.  I've totally got this...as I handled a church service with ease and gracefully found my way out of any situation that contained vomit or runny poo.

Parenting isn't that hard after all...I thought.

Stupid...stupid...stupid.

When Big became a pre-teen, I really had no idea what I was up against.  But...we handled all that came our way.  Again...I thought...We are REALLY good parents...as we saw grade cards and met new friends through sports.  We've totally got this...as we met  the challenges of a busy sports schedule, a 10 year old...and an unexpected three year old on my hip.

I don't know what people complain about...I thought.

Stupid...stupid...stupid.

We have now entered the world where we are man to man with teens in this house.  And to boot...we have a very curious seven year old that hangs on every word.

Let me explain.

I thought it would be fun to take my two impressionable boys shopping for clothes for the upcoming middle school dance.  I'm not sure what happened in that two hour time period, but I discovered something I don't think I was quite ready for.

I am the dorky dressing dumb Mom my mom once was in my eyes.

I know...I can hardly believe it either.  Just last week I was commending myself for wearing jeans tucked into my boots.  That's cool...right?  For someone who was such a stellar parent with small babies and toddler...I've apparently lost all of my "swag".  What am I saying...I really have no clue.

As I wandered around a store that I used to frequent, I realized I was shopping for my kids...in this store...that I used to buy clothes in.  Suddenly...it hit me like a sack of bricks.

I'm...not...cool anymore.

I bolted out of that store like nobody's business.  I found myself in the Dillards restroom staring in the mirror.  I don't even recognize myself anymore.  I...am...my...mother.

Oh...My...Goodness.

My kids think I know nothing.  They love me...they do.  But, I'm not cool.  I tried following Big's friends on Twitter in an attempt to keep an eye on things.  This is "not cool".  My smarter than me 14 year old got into my Twitter and unfollowed people.  As I admitted to being guilty of following some of his friends...he informed me that it is "kind of creepy".

Super.  I'm the dorky dumb sort of creepy Mom with no swag.

This is all new territory.  So...stay with me as I try to figure it all out.

I love my kids and I want them to understand that just as they are learning to be big...we are learning to let them be big.  It is cray cray.

#notready

I'll need support and dare I say it...cookie dough.  Lots of it.  Thank goodness...I still have a Little.

This is way harder than I thought it might be.  Who is with me?  Dorky not ready to let go parents...unite!

Have a blessed day!
Referee of Two Teens and  a Little

Come As You Are

I just spent the last 45 minutes cleaning up my house for my new cleaning assistant.  Yes.  You heard that right.  I have hired a cleaning assistant.  She will be my  new best friend.  I feel like I already want to buy her gifts even though I'll be paying her to help me keep this place up.  I want to thank her for simply existing and being around to help me.

I'm not ashamed.

I need help.

I've needed help for years.  Please don't misunderstand me.  Coach and the boys do their part.  Coach does more than most husbands I am quite sure.  But there is something about being a Mom and Wife that takes a little more.  There is an expectation of the way things "should" be.  When you are a Mom/Wife that can't fulfill those obligations due to job...children...sports...etc., you feel almost unworthy of your title.  I'm not writing this for pity.  Really...I'm not.  There is just this GIANT list of things you want to accomplish in your day that 9 times out of 10 don't get done in real life.

We are coming and going so much that it makes my head spin.  Cleaning happens.  Deep cleaning only happens when someone is coming over.  Spring cleaning happens in the summer and closet clean outs happen on snow days.  That's how we roll around here.  However...my point to this post isn't to tell you about why I need a cleaning helper new friend.

I was thinking as I was running through my house trying to make it something it usually isn't...about how ironic that is.  I was hanging towels and putting away a month's worth of jewelry.  I was scrubbing toilet seats and picking up the shoes that surrounded the "shoe basket" in the front door.  I was putting away mail and shining my faucet in the attempt to make my new cleaning helper friend think we are usually quite tidy.  I even fixed my make up and put on perfume.  (Did I think she would smell me?  I don't know.  I really...don't...know.)

I laugh at the thought of what I looked like doing this.

I think coming into a church home can be like this as well.  Or simply coming to know Christ.  So often we think, or rather we KNOW that we need him.  We need help.  We can feel it and know that he is the missing piece of our lives.  Yet...we rush around trying to clean up our lives using every other method than just coming to him as we are.  We think we have to look, be, act, and be perceived as a certain person.  All God wants is for us to come to him as we are.

We are usually broken.  We are messy.  We are confused and sometimes hurt.  We are trying to pick up pieces or find our way back to the path.  And he says...that's OK.  He isn't wanting us to come to him with shiny faucets and shoes neatly placed in our baskets.  He says just come...as we are.

I love that about God...because I'm a mess.  And he loves me anyway.  I can only hope my new cleaning assistant friend is okay with that too.  :)

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3