I realized the other day, that it had been quite some time since I had written down my thoughts. It is often hard for me to say things that are on my mind in the moment and I think that is why I love writing. It gives me the chance to process and then "speak".
This particular topic came about after I posted a quote on social media. I find myself scrolling through posts of others and I screenshot anything that seems relevant for future use, reflection, or re-posting. This quote talked about friendship and understanding that I am the type of friend that will disappear and resurface in your life based on the stress level of my own situation. It's who I am. It's who I've always been. And I'm afraid, it is who I'll always be.
My point, is that when I posted this, I did it because I saw it and immediately connected with the words I had two people ask after the post if it was directed at anyone in particular. The truth is...
IT WAS NOT unless the party in question is yours truly.
It was directed at me. Finger pointing, words resonating, all the things toward me.
It occurred to me after the second person asked about it, that THIS is our downfall. We talk all the time about how damaging social media is to our kids and that they are growing up in this world of anxiety and uncertainty based on posts and likes.
But-we do it too.
ADULTS DO THIS TOO!
If you are in your 30's and 40's...you have "grown up" with this as well and it needs to be recognized. I got my first social media account in 2009. I was thirty-two years old. I had three children and I cared DEEPLY what everyone thought when I posted a picture, a blog post, a quote, etc. For twelve years, I've adulted using social media.
I meant nothing by posting this quote other than that I connected with it. It wasn't about anyone. It wasn't to hurt anyone's feelings or point any unnecessary fingers at others.
Here is what I think should happen next.
We should normalize not using memes, quotes, posts, likes, loves, etc to communicate feelings to others. If something hurts me, posting about it on social media should not be the first time feelings are addressed. It shouldn't be second, or third, or anytime honestly.
Which is what leads me to my next point.
I have had to talk myself down several times when I've read the words others have posted wondering if maybe that had anything to do with me! Did I upset them? When was the last time I talked to them? Could this post be relating to (fill in the blank)? Why do we not talk face to face when something hurts us? Why do we resort to posting something vaguely that the person may or may not see, understand, and recognize? And why do we naturally assume posts are directed at someone else? AND-if someone chooses to post their feelings on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., do I really want this to be a character trait of one of my people?
Let's bring back talking to each other. The courageous face to face interaction is highly underrated.
Steve and I were talking the other day how it would be really cool if we could talk to and confide in our friends the way we do with our spouse (or dare I say, my sister). By this-I mean-Steve (and Chele) get the real me. Every day, all the time. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Because I know he will be there when the sun comes up the next day. He promised me a long time ago that he would and I believe he will. And because she is my sister and she HAS to love me. Mom said so.
I think we are always afraid that if we are honest with people, we will lose them because they won't understand where we are coming from.
But if being honest and having those brave conversations became more normal, and vague posting became a thing of the past, I BET...
we'd all be better off.
If you are in my life, please know that when I post about something, it isn't about you. In a very non-selfish way...it's about me. Please refer to the following meme for clarification.
Love and Hugs,
Amy
