Take It Off

She was afraid to come out of the locker...

She was as nervous as she could be

She was afraid to come out of the locker...

She was afraid that somebody would see..

2,3,4...stick around I'll tell you more

No...it wasn't a yellow polka dotted bikini.  Believe it or not, they were black bikini bottoms.  Full front.  Black.  Nothing fancy.  Just black.  And there they were...underneath my new black board shorts that I bought to save myself from the embarrassment of having to wear yet another black skirted tankini. 

I  hate my tankini.  I don't think I look cute in it.  I don't like the concept of a skirt on a bathing suit.  But...they look so much better than my actual legs so I have done it for several years now.  Proudly, I sport my tankini top and my skirted bottom.  This year, I decided to get out of my box.  So I purchased a pair of black bikini bottoms and some board shorts to wear over them.

Here I sat at the public pool with my black top and my board shorts.  I looked around at all the Mommies in their suits.  Not very many women cover up their battle scars the way I do.  In fact, some women hardly cover anything at all.  And let me say that I am not judging...because I am not.  I wish I had the confidence to say...WHO CARES! to the world...or to the public at the pool. Instead, I sit in my chair like a nervous teenager about to show off her new bathing suit.  Only I am far from a teenager and I am more embarrassed about the stretch marks than I am about the actual suit.  You know...what the suit looked like went out the door a long time ago.  Now, I buy for coverage.  ALWAYS black.  I don't know why I would think that it would make me look slimming, but it makes me feel better.

Anyhoo...as the Mommies of the pool started taking off their cover ups and walking around...I thought...I can do this.  All I have to do is slip off my board shorts and sit back down.  No one will notice.  No one will see.

She was afraid to come off of her chair...

She was as nervous as she could be...

She was afraid to slip off her board shorts...

She was afraid that somebody would see her stretch marks and less than "fit" legs.  (Not to mention pasty white)

BUT...she did it anyway.

I wanted to stand on my chair and shout...I DID IT!  For the first time in 11 years, I have taken off the skirt/shorts and am sitting here in public with my legs!  WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

However...I took the much less obvious approach and sat down almost before the shorts were completely off my body. 

So proudly, I sat with my black bikini bottoms.  It wasn't as bad as I thought.  This isn't so bad.  I started to smile.  I took out my June edition of Glamour magazine and started flipping through the pages with the utmost confidence. 

Then came Little. 

In his raspy little voice, he says..."What happened to your legs?  Who scratched you?" (referring to my many, many stretch marks)

Nice.

On came the shorts.  I was in such a hurry that I put both legs in one leg hole and almost fell over trying to recover.

I said...YOU happened Little.  You happened.

ugh.

I will try again.  Hopefully in a less pasty, more confident way...tomorrow.  And now that Little has seen my flaws and been told that they were all his fault...maybe he'll be less likely to point them out to the entire public.  Why didn't  I appreciate my polka dot bikini body when I had it so many years ago?

Oh...motherhood. 

I am SO good at it.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3