He knows...

Warning-

Sappy Mom Post.

If you aren't interested in joining me for a good cry, turn back now.

This year seems strange.  Good, but in a strange way.  In the past, I've been extremely excited about the Holidays.  I was grateful for an amazing Thanksgiving with my family.  It was a great day with family and fantastic foods to be had.  I usually spend the later half of the day gearing up for Black Friday (that has now turned into Thanksgiving evening), but for some reason, I just couldn't get going.  I noticed the same for the friends that I shop with.  We wandered around aimlessly and were happier on the way home than we were on the way out.

Weird.

Anyway, on Thanksgiving weekend, I always set up for Christmas.   This year, I realized that I had gotten rid of our tree last year and we hadn't replaced it yet.  No big deal...we just put off decorating for a week or so.  However, it seems so strange without anything Christmas up yet.

Again, weird.

Finally, for the past two nights, our family has sat down to watch Christmas movies.  Not something we've ever done in the past until just before Christmas.  I think I wanted to get in the spirit without having to drag out all of the boxes and fight the Lab puppy for every ornament and strand  of light, but honestly...who knows.

As we were watching Elf last night, Little turns to me and says..."Mom, I know."

I stared at him in a blind panic.  "Know what?", I casually asked?

"I know...about...you know."

(This was during the part when Buddy is talking to Papa Elf about why people don't believe and what they could think was happening instead of the Big Guy bringing their presents.)

I laughed nervously as he grilled me for information and he just kept saying...I know.

I started with asking who told him.

Then I tried to lie to him again.

Then I blamed his Father.  (just kidding)

Then...it happened.  I couldn't even control it.  I started crying...ugly crying...in front of the child who just confessed to me that he is a MUCH BIGGER KID now.

He sat and held my hand.  He apologized a million times.

Yes.  He apologized to me for my lying to him for ten years about the magic of Christmas.

I have to tell you people...this one hurt.  I remember when Big confessed that he knew.  I also remembering having a very serious conversation with Middle.  But this...this is the real deal.  He's my baby.  He's my Little.  He's the one who was supposed to never grow up...never stop believing...and never leave.

My heart.

I can't breathe.

I know, I'm being dramatic.  It's my thing.


When I finally got it together, we finished watching our movie and then we talked.  As I went to bed last night, I laid there thinking about how this all went down.  And it hit me.

I need to share with him the magic of Christmas and teach him what we've all learned about sharing our enthusiasm about the Elf and Santa with the birth of Jesus.  The magic of Christmas for me (since I found out so long ago) is the time I spend with the ones I love.  The looks on their faces when they open a gift that I put time and effort into picking out just for them.  The warm feeling.  The music.  The thought of the unconditional love that God has for us that he sent his son to us on this "magical" day we call Christmas.  I pray that my children have the magic of Christmas in their hearts because of what they've learned from us about the TRUE meaning of Christmas.  My parents taught my sister and I well.  We KNOW and love the feeling of Christmas.  And we know it has nothing to do with Ol' St. Nick.  Even though I immensely enjoyed the act my parents put on for so long.

I know being sad about this is a thing.  I called my Mom last night and I could hear the sadness in her voice as well.

Oh man...having kids is so hard.

Being a parent is so hard.

Thank goodness for Grace, Love, and good cookie dough.

If you've ever felt this way, punch in.  I'm with you on the sadness.  But, I'm also so thankful for the true magic of Christmas.  Life moves on whether we are ready for it or not.  So...like it or not, I'm moving too.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3...Big Boys