Check Engine

This week has been crazy.  I bet you all think I am making this up.  But with each day, new craziness begins.  We are floating.  That is my happy in between of sinking and swimming.  I wouldn't say we are swimming.  That means that we are well organzed and have life by the tail feathers.  I wouldn't say we are sinking either.  This means I am eating twice as much cookie dough as normal and life has me by the tail feathers.  So, I like to refer to us as simply floating.  Treading water every once in awhile, but mainly just floating.  We are using every life saving technique we were taught in swimming lessons so long ago to get us from going under.

On the way to my sister's birthday party last night, we'd dropped one off at football practice, picked another up from a friend's house, and Coach was meeting us there.  We were pushing the time schedule, and on comes my check engine light.

NUTS.

I hate it when anything lights up in my car.  It  is as if I can actually hear the cash register dinging in my ears.  It always means money.  Money that I never intended to spend on my car.  And let's be real honest here.  I feel like if I have committed to driving an old mini van, the least it can do is run.  I am not asking it to be an SUV.  I am not asking it to even look nice.  I just want it to run.  Stupid check engine light.

I immediately got grumpy and started to panic. 

And then I stopped myself as we walked into my sister's party.  I said out loud..."God, I am so totally giving this to you.  Because if I try to handle this right now, I will sink."  It's like when you are floating and your legs start to sink.  You begin to worry about your legs sinking, which makes the rest of your body tense up and the float turns into you flailing around in the water trying to stay up.  (in a skirted tankini, I might add)

The thing is...there was not a darn thing I could do about my car at that point.  I could worry myself sick about how much it was going to cost and how we were going to get around with one car...or I could just take one step at a time and deal with it tomorrow. 

And guess what...the light wasn't on this morning when I got in the van to come to work.  I praised my ol' minivan for behaving and I thanked God for giving me some time to figure out what to do next.  I know the light will be back on.  I am not that dumb.  But I also know that giving that fear and worry to God gave me the ability to be present at my sister's party, and to be completely "there" for her. 

Sometimes it would be great to have a check soul light.  When we get all out of whack, a light would come on to remind us to check our souls with God.  Even we need maintenance sometimes.  Attending church, or bible study.  Reading the word.  Spending some time in prayer.  All things that will fix the problems that arise within us every now and again.  Have you checked your soul lately?

Have a blessed day all!
Referee of 3

It's a New Day

His mercies are new each day.

I have to get up sometimes and remind myself of this very thing.  Today is our (Coach and I's) 13th wedding anniversary.  I decided to kick the day off with yelling at him before bed because he shrunk one of my new sweaters for work.

I know what you are thinking...

Coach does laundry?

And the answer is, yes...quite well.  With the small exception of the once in awhile shrinking something of mine.  Dang it. 

He worked all day yesterday doing laundry and at the end of the day, all I could say was something along the lines of...

"DID YOU DRY MY SWEATER?  MY BRAND NEW GREY SWEATER!?!"

Okay...let me explain something on my behalf.  I have had three children.  It is a miracle to find things that fit me and cover all of my imperfections.  I have long legs, but am not tall.  So I cannot afford for anything to become too short.  I have...lets just say for a moment that I don't have the waistline that I used to.  Okay?  So again, I cannot afford for any inches to come out of the waistline of my clothing.  I am also quite sure that all of the baby weight that looked so adorable in my front when the boys were in the womb, has now shifted to what I like to refer to as the back of my body.   So...I tend to buy things that cover the back side of my body.  Like this grey sweater. 

All of this came after I had been walking around Walmart for an hour while their automotive department worked on getting the nail out of my tire.  Oh and I had Little.  So you can imagine how patient my Little was while I worked on spending close to $100.00 on things I am not completely sure we "needed".  After we hunted down someone to find the keys to my van as the automotive department had closed, we headed homeward.  Yes...they actually CLOSED automotive and went home.  Leaving me to believe for a second that I would be living in Walmart until this new day arrived.  Good grief.

Anyway...my patience were thin and my husband only received a tongue lashing for shrinking my sweater, when I actually should have been thanking him for all the work he did over the weekend to help me. 

Foiled again on my path to righteousness. 

Sorry Coach for getting angry about the sweater.  And thank you for all that you do.  I love you and sometimes don't deserve you. 
I am not sorry to Walmart for forgetting to call me over the loud speaker.  I am NOT over that yet.

Thank goodness...His mercies are new each day.

Have a blessed Monday!
Referee of 3

Meltdown Madness

I can hardly even believe that I am sitting here right now.  The room is dark and quiet.  My coffee is hot and my house is clean.  I am not bragging people.  Clean is something that comes along like four times a year.  Big, Middle, Little's Birthday parties, and the one time a year when I agree to host a party for a friend.  It just so happens that the party I am hosting fell in the same week with Big's Birthday.  We like to call that a Double Bonus!

If you had asked me on Monday, if I was going to make it through the week...I would have laughed in your face.  But here we are.  Sitting quietly on the couch, drinking hot coffee...and it is a new week.  THANK YOU LORD.

Sometimes life gets so crazy.  I wrote about this very thing last week.  And in the midst of our craziness, we are to go to the Lord and allow him to help us move through the madness with a Godly heart.  I would love to say that I did that with every step this week...but then I would be lying.  Apparently God isn't a fan of liars so I am going to have to fess up. 

About 4:30pm on Friday, I had a bit of meltdown madness.  The week got crazier than I imagined it could, and I had a bit of a "falling short"  moment.  Thank goodness my friend Tracey and my Mom were there to grab me by the arm and pull me to my feet.  As it turned out, the weekend went great!  I was ready to throw in the towel due to a series of events that led me to believe that my weekend was going to be a failure.  Okay, I've always had a flair for the dramatic, so allow me to say that these events led me to believe that life was coming to a halt.  Picture me...crying on my bed with a pretty cry face...not an ugly one...and my Mom on the other end of the phone calming me.  It happened.  But as God always does...he sent just the right people in to bring me back to reality, and the weekend was a success.  We had football, football, and football...cleaned the house, finished my first session of college classes, hosted a birthday party and did laundry.  And the house is still clean.  Everyone had a good time, including Big.  How did it happen, you ask?  I have no clue. 

Along the way through the details of this week, I felt like that Mayhem guy from the All State commercials was trying to wreck my plans.  But in keeping along the path and only allowing myself to have a moment of meltdown madness...we as a family were able to recover and enjoy the weekend. 

I am so thankful for those moments.  The moments when we fall short and have to face our short comings head on.  I am so thankful for the moments when other's strength comes riding in on a white horse at just the right time.  I am so thankful for those who encourage and help us face the reality of a situation.  Good or bad. 

I guess today, I am just thankful.  I am thankful for my meltdown that eventually led to the realization that again...God is Good.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

Oh and...Happy 13th Anniversary tomorrow to my wonderful husband.  I love you!!!  We'll go out after football season...right?

                            This is the "us" that my sister made look good.

This is the real "us" after a long day of football and birthday. 

Love you babe.  So glad you are mine.  <3

Falling In

I sometimes feel like a broken record when I discuss certain topics, but this one just keeps surfacing.  Here we are, well into our school year, and I can barely keep my head above water.  I have talked to several other Moms who feel the same way.  And even those who don't actually say it...you can see it in their tired eyes.  We are busy with activities and schedules day in and day out.  It is never ending here at our home.  And I love the craziness for the most part.  Staying busy means we don't have a lot of down time to argue about things that don't matter. (even though we find time to argue about who is riding in the front seat almost every time we get in the car to go somewhere) We don't have a ton of time to make messes...we just live in the continual mess that started when school started a few weeks back. 

Time is just moving faster than I can keep up and I have had it.  I said to myself yesterday...

Self...something has to give.

But what?  School and work are not an option, even though there are days when I wish they were.  Football is not an option...because we'd be letting down two teams.  The Kyrie Foundation walk was not an option, because we put too much time and effort in to let that go, and because it means so very much to all of us.  Church is not an option, because it is the one place that helps us renew and regain strength for the next week.  So what gives?

Something has to give.

I think I may have figured it out.  Perfection.  And as it turns out, I've been less than perfect for quite some time now so it isn't a huge thing for me to let go of.  Perfection.  A friend once shared with me that her new motto was

Done is better than perfect.

And the truth of the matter is, no one expects us to be perfect.  Not even God.  He knows we are going to fall short.  He knows we have earthly weaknesses.  He knows we get our priorities all messed up from time to time, and He is still with us with every step. 

If we do the things on our daily list with a Godly heart...and we include Him in all that we do, we'll all find ourselves swimming instead of sinking.  There will always be moments when we can't find someone's football pants right before practice.  Or when the smoke detector is going off in the kitchen because browning the hamburger took on a whole new meaning.  The house isn't going to be perfect until these boys are gone.  And I am not ready for that.  What I have to wrap my mind around is that NO ONE expects perfection.  There comes a point where the only one putting pressure on ourselves is us.  And it is time to let that go.

The house will be a mess.  Live in it.

The kids will be tired and cranky from time to time.  Love them anyway.

The important things in our lives will have kinks.  Roll with it anyway.

School (or whatever it is you are doing with your time) will become overwhelming at times.  Finish anyway.

Work will create stress some days.  Learn from it.

Allow yourself to handle the pressures of day to day living and try not to fall.  But always know that when you fall, there is someone there to help you back up.  There is something to be learned in every stressful, chaotic moment...you just have to be listening.

Here we go again.  It is Thursday and we have a full plate.  Today, instead of getting crazy stressed about our lives, I am going to attempt to live it, love it, roll with it, and learn from it.  I'll let you know how that works out. 

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

And again...my God is bigger

The set up for the Twilight Walk can be somewhat time consuming.  Okay, it can be very time consuming.  And stressful.  There are so many things we as a group HAVE to do to get the Bishop Carroll track ready for the kid games, the silent auction, the concession stand, the registration gate and the actual walk.  I am usually late due to a football game scheduled the morning of.  This year, my scheduled football game got put on hold a bit due to the rain, which put me behind about two hours.  Talk about stressed out. I had to keep reminding myself something that I have learned in college this year. 

Be Here Now.

Be where you are when you are there.  Allow yourself to be present, to fully enjoy and understand what it is you are doing, while you are doing it.

I kept saying...Do this for Middle.  Do this for Middle. 

When involved in something like the Kyrie Foundation, it is easy to get so wrapped up in doing good for children, that I tend to let the needs of my own slip through the cracks on these kind of days. 

Not today...not today...I repeated over and over. 

After the game was over, off we went.  Middle, Middle's friend and myself.  We raced up to Bishop Carroll where we went straight to work getting the silent auction all set up.  It took hours...no joke.  With less than an hour until the kickoff of the event, Lacie (Kyrie's Mom) came into the tent to let us know that within the hour, we were to be hit with a storm..  It was big, and headed straight for us. 

Awesome.

We'd spent hours setting up this beautiful silent auction and now, it was threatened to be ruined by the weather.  We could have sat there and cried our eyes out (and maybe we did shed a tear or two), but in true Kyrie Foundation fashion...we let nothing stand in our way.  We gathered volunteers who picked up tables as a whole and hurried into the gym to set them back up.  Once we got that done, the event was well under way and the 4th annual Twilight Walk was moving. 

Now I must say, the storm clouds that I saw on my phone radar looked quite scary.  The news stations were saying it was a good storm, but it was moving through quickly.  Talk about praying for specifics.  A friend said she prayed for the rain to break over Bishop Carroll.  We didn't care if it rained across the street, but we needed this place to be dry for two...maybe three more hours. 

As the people gathered for our 11 lap walk in honor of the 11 children who are diagnosed each day, we each got a balloon and waited for the countdown.  The sun started to shine.  I was confused.  This huge mass of scary looking clouds was coming straight for us less than two hours before, and we'd seen nothing of the sort.  In fact, there were the most beautiful clouds and sunset.  It was amazing...it was God.  As we released our balloons for Kyrie and for the other children who are fighting this battle, the tears came.  It was simply amazing.  As we walked, the storm moved closer and the clouds took over the sky.  We were able to finish our 11 laps, get everyone into the gym for the silent auction and video viewing, and the sky unleashed. 

That my friends is me saying...hey big ugly storm on the radar that threatened to ruin the night we put so much time and love into planning...

My God Is Bigger.

Thank you to all those who came out, who donated, who helped and who prayed for the success of this year's walk.  It was again, an unforgettable night and I am so grateful for those who were able to share it with us.

Kyrie Foundation 2011 Twilight Walk.m4v

Reasoning

A friend facebooked me today and asked me why I was slacking on my blog. 

I had to laugh because this friend and I go way back...and I love her.

But the truth is, I am exhausted.  Life has been so crazy this week.  I am not complaining...I am simply stating the truth.

And sometimes, I have to take a few days away from writing to be still...and hear what it is He is trying to tell me.  He puts things on my heart to write about.  And when there is nothing, I have to be obedient and know that when the time is right, He'll put something else there that needs to be talked about. 

My previous post was a little heavy, so I decided to add a bit of happiness to the blog.  Relationships with God are like that.  You have ups and downs.  Life brings both...you don't just get to be happy, funny, crazy, Mom of three boys all of the time.  Sometimes you get to be tired, sick, cranky, Mommy on the verge of a meltdown. 

With that, I thought it might be time for another version of It's Ok...

So here you go.

It's Ok to sit down on the couch when you have a full sink of dishes and a dryer full of clothes.

It's Ok to forget your child at youth group one time.  (Twice and I think I might get him kicked out)

It's Ok to try to get in someone else's van at the grocery store that looks EXACTLY like yours...twice.

It's Ok to have absolutely no short term memory left to remind you that you've already tried to get in someone else's van.

It's Ok to say you are going to start a diet on Monday morning and blow it by mid Monday morning.

It's Ok to rock out to 90's hair band music on the elliptical machine at the gym wearing a black shirt and navy blue shorts because you thought they were both black.

It's Ok to go without a microwave for an entire month.

It's Ok to overbook, overwork, and over do it, if the cause is worth the time.

It's Ok to cry at least once a week...or even once a day.  I do.

It's Ok to eat chocolate cookie dough for a snack as you tell your kids they can't because it has raw eggs in it and it might hurt them.  (It might...you don't know.  I have built up a tolerance to it...I am sure)

It's Ok to cry as your Big brings home his 6th grade picture because he is starting to look more like a man than a child.  And then lay it out with all of his pictures since preschool, eat 6 portions of cookie dough and cry some more.

And finally...It's Ok to take a blogging hiatus when your heart isn't in the right place...because giving yourself the time to be alone with God is just what the Dr. ordered.  (Love you Amy Staggs ;)

Happy Friday Tomorrow friends!
Referee of 3

A conversation between me...and God

I doubted you this week.

Things happened in my week that I just don't understand.  And I doubted you.  Not only did I doubt you, but I did it out loud.

I wondered why you chose to take away to strengthen your relationship with my friend rather than to give.

Yet I told her to believe in you.  To trust in your plan.  And you know what?  It's all we can do.  We believe in you.  We trust in you.  Even when it hurts so bad we can hardly stand it.  We trust that you have our best interest at heart.

I wrote earlier this week about Love being worth the risk.  It is...it so very much is worth the risk.  But it isn't easy.  Once we are scorned by something, it is hard to give it another chance.  It is hard to trust that life will go on...yet, it does.  You give and take away.  All in your time...to strengthen relationships...to create bonds...to bring people to you. 

I feel badly that I doubted you Lord.  But I have to admit, I don't always understand your ways. 

That is why you are God, and I am not.

So even when I doubt, I will continue to trust in you.  Because trusting, gives me peace.  The kind of peace that passes all understanding.  And for those who don't have that...Lord, do what you do. 

Referee of 3

We will never forget

Yesterday was such an important day.  The ten year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on America.  Everyone dealt with it in their own way.  Some watched coverage on TV.  Some read articles online.  Some...like myself...tried to get through the day without it taking them over emotionally. 

I read some things on facebook last night that were so moving.  A friend of mine admitted that she was too young to understand the severity of what happened, when it happened.  Ten years later, watching the coverage, she knew...and she couldn't stand to watch. 

I can remember how I felt like it was yesterday.  I was pregnant with Middle, and for the first time in a long time, I was scared.  I was truly frightened for our lives.  I was saddened beyond belief for those who lost loved ones, and for those who lost their lives in the attacks.  The destruction was unimaginable.  The sights on TV were haunting.  The magazine articles that continued to come out over the children of 9/11...were almost more than I could handle.

The nightmares kept me awake for months.  I can remember waking up trembling.  Thinking...why would I want to bring another child into this world of ours?  I was scared for the two year old that slept in the next room and terrified for the child that I was about to have.  The coverage on TV lasted for months...and it was all I could do not to watch.  The first anniversary...I had Middle in my arms.  The fifth anniversary, I was almost due with Little.  And here we are...ten years later, and we are still watching.  The difference now is I realize God has been with us.  When I was finally able to hand over my fears to Him, I was able to pray for those in need.  I was able to give of myself in a way that had been restricted by fear.

A co worker told me the other day that Love is worth the risk.  She was pregnant with her first child when her cousin (I believe) lost their 18 month old to brain cancer.  She cried and worried and asked herself how she was supposed to have this child without fearing for it's life (paraphrase)...and she found out after having that baby....that loving is worth the risk.  We can live in fear and worry...and never take chances...or we can take the risk and find love. 

9/11 will always hold memories that bring me back to that place.  But because of my relationship with Christ, I know that living and loving are worth the risk. 

Have a blessed day.
Referee of 3

Seeing God

Have you ever had one of those days when things just didn't quite go right?

I have them every once in awhile and yesterday was most definitely one of them. 

As I walked to the kitchen to get my coffee, I reached for the coffee pot, only to realize that I hadn't gotten it pushed in all the way the night before when I was making my coffee.  Which means only one thing.  A Huge Mess. After cleaning up the coffee mess and restarting another pot, I decided my day was not good so far.  From there it got worse.  I won't bore you with the details because they were self inflicted issues I was dealing with.  I was super sensitive and the only one who could have made my day better was myself.  I allowed the bad things to dictate how the rest of my day would go...and it did.

Until I saw God. 

Maybe you've heard the song?  It is called, I Saw God Today.  I have no idea who sings it, but I'll be finding it for my playlist this week. 

As most of you know, the Kyrie Foundation Twilight Walk is coming up next weekend.  We've been working our tails off trying to get out ducks in a row.  It takes a lot of time, commitment and preparation to put something like this together.  And let me tell you, if you are on the fence about attending, it is so worth it.  You won't regret it. 
Anyway, I put together a packet for fundraising and awareness at my work.  I laid it in the teacher's lounge the other day and that was that.  In the middle of my horrible, terrible, no good, very bad, day...(a book from my childhood), a woman that I worked with, peeked her head around the corner of my office and told me something.

She said that she had debated whether or not to bring her purse in from the car that morning.  She didn't really need it, but thought she might.  She toyed with the idea of not dragging it in, but decided she would.  And she couldn't figure out why bringing in her purse was such an ordeal.  Until she read the information on the Kyrie Foundation.  She then told me that she knew...THAT was why she was to bring her purse in today. 

After she left my office...(this will shock you)...I cried.  I was so happy to hear that God had touched someone's life for that purpose.  For whatever reason, she needed to hear about Kyrie, and I needed to see God's reflection in someone.  I was having a hard time seeing it in myself yesterday.

It was then, after I had seen God's work unfold before my eyes, that I prayed and asked for His help in my day.  And you know what?  He did help me.  He always does.

So, it is FRIDAY!!!  It is FOOTBALL!!!  And it is one week until the Kyrie Foundation Twilight Walk.  If you haven't registered, please do and let me know if you have any questions. (http://kyriefoundation.dojiggy.com/)  I would love to see you all there!  Have a blessed day all!

Referee of 3

Thanks

This weather is so perfect.  I can't get enough of the cool breeze coming through my messy house.  Awww yes.  The messy house.  That would be the one I am avoiding cleaning like the plague.  So here I sit...typing away.  Procrastination.  One of my many weaknesses.  Lack of organization.  Lack of motivation.  Cookie dough addiction.  Furniture moving habit. 

I have many weaknesses. 

That is what makes me real. 

I got the sweetest email today from a friend of mine.  A much younger friend, I hate to admit...but a friend none the less.  The email was about this blog.  About how much it has inspired her, and how much she has grown through reading it.  Even though she can't relate to the fact that I am married, have three kids and no waistline...she gets what I am trying to say. 

I started writing this thing almost two years ago...selfishly...for myself.  I wanted to journal so I could trace my steps in this journey with Christ.  I wanted to be able to go back on rough days and find strength in the strong ones.  Along the way, I have made some really big mistakes.  I have posted things that I wish I hadn't.  I have posted things I wish I had said a long time ago.  I have grown as a person and I have learned a lot.  I have also seen first hand how God takes control of something and allows it to be there for other people at just the right time in their lives.  It isn't me friends.  It is not about me at all.  I am the tool he has chosen to use for each of those circumstances and I am unknowingly glad he chose me. 

I started this post talking about my weaknesses because I think that is what makes this real for people.  Being a Christian isn't about being perfect.  It isn't about being judgmental...even though I would have to say that is something I have learned the hard way MANY times.  It isn't about how much you know about the bible or how much you go to church.  It is about being a follower of Christ.  We discussed this in Sunday School yesterday.  Being a Christian is about following Him.  In doing so, we learn to love like He loves.  We learn to forgive like He forgives.  And we learn to lose ourselves in order to become what He wants us to be. 

I am far from perfect.  I am an unorganized, furniture moving, cookie dough eating, unmotivated, crazy mother of three boys.  I have no idea what I am doing half the time, and I can't even remember what I wore yesterday.  But...I love the Lord.  And He loves me back.  Despite my flaws...and He loves you too.  For those of you who are there to encourage me and support me along the way...thank you.  For the notes, the facebook messages, and for the words...thank you.  My friends and family are pretty much AWESOME.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

The List

It is Labor Day.  Which at our house means, sleep in and be laborless-.  Not for the entire day, but for now???  Yes.  Labor-less. 

Yesterday at church, Pastor Rick gave an incredible message, but he touched on something that really struck me.  The List. 

I am a list maker.  I am a very detailed list maker.  The list has to be neat, on a piece of paper that has nothing else on it, and have a place to check mark as I finish a task.  Now, for those of you that know I am not much of a task finisher, this might seem odd to you. BUT...to allow the list to look like not much of a waste, I like to write other things on the list as the day goes on after I do them, so I can check something off.  How sad is that?

PR talked about how we make a list for our days, and then life gets in the way.  We do so many things during the day that constitute as activity, but none that we feel satisfied with because they weren't on our list to begin with.  According to our list, they weren't supposed to happen today.  Period.  At the end of the day, we look back over our list, and feel disappointed.  Instead of rejoicing in the things that we did accomplish, according to someone else's list/plan.

Hmmmm.

I'd never thought of it that way.  I wonder what God's daily list looks like for me.  The house needed to be cleaned...badly.  But my friend needed my shoulder.  The grocery store trip needed to happen yesterday.  But my kids wanted me to take them to do something else.  My blog needed to be written, but my heart wasn't in the right place to type out the words. 

It is amazing what we can get done when we allow God to direct us through our day.  Now I am not saying to shuck all the responsibilities of the day.  And list making is a great way to stay on task.  But if for some reason, your heart takes you off task...chances are, God is checking off the things on His list, rather than yours. 

Food for thought. 
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3