She was afraid to come out of the locker...
She was as nervous as she could be
She was afraid to come out of the locker...
She was afraid that somebody would see..
2,3,4...stick around I'll tell you more
No...it wasn't a yellow polka dotted bikini. Believe it or not, they were black bikini bottoms. Full front. Black. Nothing fancy. Just black. And there they were...underneath my new black board shorts that I bought to save myself from the embarrassment of having to wear yet another black skirted tankini.
I hate my tankini. I don't think I look cute in it. I don't like the concept of a skirt on a bathing suit. But...they look so much better than my actual legs so I have done it for several years now. Proudly, I sport my tankini top and my skirted bottom. This year, I decided to get out of my box. So I purchased a pair of black bikini bottoms and some board shorts to wear over them.
Here I sat at the public pool with my black top and my board shorts. I looked around at all the Mommies in their suits. Not very many women cover up their battle scars the way I do. In fact, some women hardly cover anything at all. And let me say that I am not judging...because I am not. I wish I had the confidence to say...WHO CARES! to the world...or to the public at the pool. Instead, I sit in my chair like a nervous teenager about to show off her new bathing suit. Only I am far from a teenager and I am more embarrassed about the stretch marks than I am about the actual suit. You know...what the suit looked like went out the door a long time ago. Now, I buy for coverage. ALWAYS black. I don't know why I would think that it would make me look slimming, but it makes me feel better.
Anyhoo...as the Mommies of the pool started taking off their cover ups and walking around...I thought...I can do this. All I have to do is slip off my board shorts and sit back down. No one will notice. No one will see.
She was afraid to come off of her chair...
She was as nervous as she could be...
She was afraid to slip off her board shorts...
She was afraid that somebody would see her stretch marks and less than "fit" legs. (Not to mention pasty white)
BUT...she did it anyway.
I wanted to stand on my chair and shout...I DID IT! For the first time in 11 years, I have taken off the skirt/shorts and am sitting here in public with my legs! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
However...I took the much less obvious approach and sat down almost before the shorts were completely off my body.
So proudly, I sat with my black bikini bottoms. It wasn't as bad as I thought. This isn't so bad. I started to smile. I took out my June edition of Glamour magazine and started flipping through the pages with the utmost confidence.
Then came Little.
In his raspy little voice, he says..."What happened to your legs? Who scratched you?" (referring to my many, many stretch marks)
Nice.
On came the shorts. I was in such a hurry that I put both legs in one leg hole and almost fell over trying to recover.
I said...YOU happened Little. You happened.
ugh.
I will try again. Hopefully in a less pasty, more confident way...tomorrow. And now that Little has seen my flaws and been told that they were all his fault...maybe he'll be less likely to point them out to the entire public. Why didn't I appreciate my polka dot bikini body when I had it so many years ago?
Oh...motherhood.
I am SO good at it.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
Referee of 3
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Gloria!
This...has been a rough week.
One that I wish I could explain.
I have been sad...withdrawn...and a little quick tempered.
Okay...A LOT quick tempered.
Here I am, going along like I am in complete control of my emotions with this change and BAM!
The tears hit me like a brick.
And they would NOT stop.
Now I am an emotional person. And I cry over everything. But not like this. I do the tear up...realize people are watching...laugh nervously while I wipe away the few little tears...and move on. I like to refer to this as "the recovery". This week however...I misplaced my ability to recover.
Over what?
I don't exactly know that either. My best guess is uncertainty. My anxiety....of which I thought I had none...has gotten the absolute best of me. That, coupled with my insecurity has made me a total mess.
I have been sad...angry...frustrated...and have felt incomplete. I stayed home from some friends house the other night to pray about it and try to figure out where my head was at. I just wanted God to help me find my happiness. I am one of the craziest...happiest...most forgetful...chaotic living people you will ever meet. But that had all been set aside for this lack of recovery from my change.
I still had my family.
I still had my faith.
I still had my home.
I still had a job that I would be going to in the fall.
I still had a summer to enjoy my kids.
I still had my ability to eat cookie dough...(thank GOODNESS)
So what was my problem? If I couldn't find happiness in my family, my faith, my home, my job, my summer, and cookie dough...where on EARTH was I going to find it?
Oddly enough...I found it at Pier One.
Well...I remembered it at Pier One. What I found at Pier One were my new favorite decorations for the summer.
Jose because Jose Peppers is one of my all time fav places to eat. And Gloria because I absolutely love Gloria on Modern family.
I saw the commercial for them a week ago and thought...Oh...those are cute.
But when I saw them in store, I laughed because they are more than cute. They made me laugh when I thought of the commercial. And then, in true Referee of 3 fashion...I started reciting the commercial all over the store. And I laughed some more. When I went to pay, I kept telling the cashier how much I loved them and how adorable they were. (I realize at this point she thought I was very "uncool") She told me they had a commercial for them and before she could finish her sentence, I said..."I KNOW!!!" (again, very uncool to cut off a teenager) But I could not wait to get them home and out on my table for our dinner party.
I think it was a breakthrough.
Jose and Gloria. They are not my saving grace. They didn't bring me happiness. But they made me remember my happiness. And that my hope is in the Lord. After long talks with my Mom and Sister yesterday, I was reminded that I have so much to be thankful for and that crying over the closed door is unfair. Because here I am, staring at the door that is open (a door many people would love to be staring at)...crying, scared...frustrated that I have no control. Who knew, all I'd have to see was the bird salt and pepper shakers on the other side to know it would be okay?
Let summer begin. (And by the way...with that statement comes letting Cookie Dough end) This is going to be rough.
Have a Blessed Day!
Referee of 3
One that I wish I could explain.
I have been sad...withdrawn...and a little quick tempered.
Okay...A LOT quick tempered.
Here I am, going along like I am in complete control of my emotions with this change and BAM!
The tears hit me like a brick.
And they would NOT stop.
Now I am an emotional person. And I cry over everything. But not like this. I do the tear up...realize people are watching...laugh nervously while I wipe away the few little tears...and move on. I like to refer to this as "the recovery". This week however...I misplaced my ability to recover.
Over what?
I don't exactly know that either. My best guess is uncertainty. My anxiety....of which I thought I had none...has gotten the absolute best of me. That, coupled with my insecurity has made me a total mess.
I have been sad...angry...frustrated...and have felt incomplete. I stayed home from some friends house the other night to pray about it and try to figure out where my head was at. I just wanted God to help me find my happiness. I am one of the craziest...happiest...most forgetful...chaotic living people you will ever meet. But that had all been set aside for this lack of recovery from my change.
I still had my family.
I still had my faith.
I still had my home.
I still had a job that I would be going to in the fall.
I still had a summer to enjoy my kids.
I still had my ability to eat cookie dough...(thank GOODNESS)
So what was my problem? If I couldn't find happiness in my family, my faith, my home, my job, my summer, and cookie dough...where on EARTH was I going to find it?
Oddly enough...I found it at Pier One.
Well...I remembered it at Pier One. What I found at Pier One were my new favorite decorations for the summer.
Meet Jose and Gloria
Jose because Jose Peppers is one of my all time fav places to eat. And Gloria because I absolutely love Gloria on Modern family.
I saw the commercial for them a week ago and thought...Oh...those are cute.
But when I saw them in store, I laughed because they are more than cute. They made me laugh when I thought of the commercial. And then, in true Referee of 3 fashion...I started reciting the commercial all over the store. And I laughed some more. When I went to pay, I kept telling the cashier how much I loved them and how adorable they were. (I realize at this point she thought I was very "uncool") She told me they had a commercial for them and before she could finish her sentence, I said..."I KNOW!!!" (again, very uncool to cut off a teenager) But I could not wait to get them home and out on my table for our dinner party.
I think it was a breakthrough.
Jose and Gloria. They are not my saving grace. They didn't bring me happiness. But they made me remember my happiness. And that my hope is in the Lord. After long talks with my Mom and Sister yesterday, I was reminded that I have so much to be thankful for and that crying over the closed door is unfair. Because here I am, staring at the door that is open (a door many people would love to be staring at)...crying, scared...frustrated that I have no control. Who knew, all I'd have to see was the bird salt and pepper shakers on the other side to know it would be okay?
Let summer begin. (And by the way...with that statement comes letting Cookie Dough end) This is going to be rough.
Have a Blessed Day!
Referee of 3
Thursday, May 26, 2011
25 minutes
I started with two hours.
I am down to 25 minutes. How does that happen? Why is it when you have a couple of hours to yourself...the time goes by so fast?
Here is the deal. I have spent about 12 years complaining because I have no time to myself. That comes with the territory. Being a Mom gives you absolutely no free time. No private time. No time what so ever.
I complain and gripe because I can't even take a bath without someone "needing to talk". I can't drive to the store without someone tagging along.
And then...magically...I am given two hours to be alone.
Guess what I did...???
I cried.
I went to Target to get coffee for my sis and I. I dropped off her latte, and cried the whole way home. Then I decided to take a walk. I cried there too. Then I came home...opened the freezer to my little box of pre-portioned cookie dough...took one out...(okay fine...I took two)...and cried some more as I finished the dvr'd Bachlorette that I missed from Monday night's baseball games.
All I have ever wanted was a little time alone. Time to not be screaming about hanging up towels and turning off lights. Time to not be yelling about making sure you have your gloves and grabbing your Gatorade. Time to be quiet. Time to enjoy the silence.
Guess what....
Silence is deafening.
I am drowning in my own tears because I finally got my own way...and all I want is to hear someone's voice. Preferably...the voices of my kids.
HOLY COW...did I just say that?
I did. (Did someone spike my latte?) I think I might miss...my kids. (surely not???)
I realize in 25 minutes, I'll be picking them up from school and I'll be back on here typing away about how soon school should be starting and how I can't wait for them to fall asleep tonight!
But for now...I miss them.
Gosh. I think this motherhood gig is a joke. One minute you are happy and loving them because they are sweet, heavenly gifts from God. Then they learn to walk...and talk. And we no longer like them. We go a couple of years not liking them for destroying things in our home and for the things that come out of their sweet mouths that WE brought into this world...and then we are bawling like babies standing outside of their pre-k classrooms! I mean...who did this to my brain?
Why can't I decide on an emotion and stick with it? Do I like them? Do I not? Do they make me happy? Do they make me crazy? Do they make me want to stick them on the corner with a sign that says FREE!!!??? Yes. They do.
But they are mine.
People always tell me..."you'll miss it when it is gone."
And I think to myself ...YOU ARE NUTS...(all while smiling a very polite smile and nodding in their general direction to agree with their absolutely crazy comment.)
And then I have 2 hours alone today...and I think the crazies...might be right.
I will miss this.
I'll miss the mess.
I'll miss the chaos.
I'll miss the scheduling nightmare.
I'll miss the hand prints.
I'll miss the voices...and the fighting.
I'll miss the little hugs...and the need to be needed.
For two hours...no one has said Mom. No one has needed anything from me. Which is what I have longed for for so long...
And I cried because no one needed me. (well the cookie dough needed me...clearly)
I think I might be nuts.
Now I have 15 minutes until I have to leave to get Big, Middle and Little from their last morning of school.
School's out and I get to spend time with my kids. The ones drive me nuts. The ones that made me this way.
Thanks boys.
And thank you God for my blessings. And for my two hours. Not exactly what I thought I'd do with free time...but very productive none the less.
Through the tears, I was able to see my very chaotic...very messy...very unorganized ...very perfect life. It is amazing how clearly we can see through our tears.
Have a wonderful day!
Referee of 3
I am down to 25 minutes. How does that happen? Why is it when you have a couple of hours to yourself...the time goes by so fast?
Here is the deal. I have spent about 12 years complaining because I have no time to myself. That comes with the territory. Being a Mom gives you absolutely no free time. No private time. No time what so ever.
I complain and gripe because I can't even take a bath without someone "needing to talk". I can't drive to the store without someone tagging along.
And then...magically...I am given two hours to be alone.
Guess what I did...???
I cried.
I went to Target to get coffee for my sis and I. I dropped off her latte, and cried the whole way home. Then I decided to take a walk. I cried there too. Then I came home...opened the freezer to my little box of pre-portioned cookie dough...took one out...(okay fine...I took two)...and cried some more as I finished the dvr'd Bachlorette that I missed from Monday night's baseball games.
All I have ever wanted was a little time alone. Time to not be screaming about hanging up towels and turning off lights. Time to not be yelling about making sure you have your gloves and grabbing your Gatorade. Time to be quiet. Time to enjoy the silence.
Guess what....
Silence is deafening.
I am drowning in my own tears because I finally got my own way...and all I want is to hear someone's voice. Preferably...the voices of my kids.
HOLY COW...did I just say that?
I did. (Did someone spike my latte?) I think I might miss...my kids. (surely not???)
I realize in 25 minutes, I'll be picking them up from school and I'll be back on here typing away about how soon school should be starting and how I can't wait for them to fall asleep tonight!
But for now...I miss them.
Gosh. I think this motherhood gig is a joke. One minute you are happy and loving them because they are sweet, heavenly gifts from God. Then they learn to walk...and talk. And we no longer like them. We go a couple of years not liking them for destroying things in our home and for the things that come out of their sweet mouths that WE brought into this world...and then we are bawling like babies standing outside of their pre-k classrooms! I mean...who did this to my brain?
Why can't I decide on an emotion and stick with it? Do I like them? Do I not? Do they make me happy? Do they make me crazy? Do they make me want to stick them on the corner with a sign that says FREE!!!??? Yes. They do.
But they are mine.
People always tell me..."you'll miss it when it is gone."
And I think to myself ...YOU ARE NUTS...(all while smiling a very polite smile and nodding in their general direction to agree with their absolutely crazy comment.)
And then I have 2 hours alone today...and I think the crazies...might be right.
I will miss this.
I'll miss the mess.
I'll miss the chaos.
I'll miss the scheduling nightmare.
I'll miss the hand prints.
I'll miss the voices...and the fighting.
I'll miss the little hugs...and the need to be needed.
For two hours...no one has said Mom. No one has needed anything from me. Which is what I have longed for for so long...
And I cried because no one needed me. (well the cookie dough needed me...clearly)
I think I might be nuts.
Now I have 15 minutes until I have to leave to get Big, Middle and Little from their last morning of school.
School's out and I get to spend time with my kids. The ones drive me nuts. The ones that made me this way.
Thanks boys.
And thank you God for my blessings. And for my two hours. Not exactly what I thought I'd do with free time...but very productive none the less.
Through the tears, I was able to see my very chaotic...very messy...very unorganized ...very perfect life. It is amazing how clearly we can see through our tears.
Have a wonderful day!
Referee of 3
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Technical Difficulties
Blogger has been having some issues and I have not been able to access my blog account for a couple of days. I apologize! I wanted to let you know that I have plans for the morning, but will be back to post later today about the craziness of our weekend. Happy Tuesday all!
Referee of 3
Referee of 3
Friday, May 20, 2011
My cup overflows
This day...I have been dreading.
But as the Mommies came in and out this morning, I was given cards, cookies, smiles and hugs.
My cup overflows.
When I started this journey nine years ago, I can remember being as anxious as I am today about our next journey. I remember thinking...can I do this? Am I even qualified to do this?
As it turns out, I was.
I have loved these kids as my own.
I have watched over them...protected them...taught them...and spent hours upon hours just watching them grow.
My cup overflows.
I am sad today. But I am also so very grateful for the time I have gotten to spend with some amazing families. They have been such a blessing in all of our lives and I will miss them all...more than I can say.
Today I am making this about the blessings of what I have had with everyone and not about what I will miss. I know that God has a plan for my life....for their lives...and for our journey.
So...to
Logan and Drew
Chase and Grace
Drew, Mason & Livvy
Lukers & Landon
Morgan & Abbie
Tyler & Zach
Emma, Haley & Macy
Jackson & Emmie
Mercedes
Ethan
Braxton
Carsen
Carson
Carson
Graeson
Kane
Caroline
Baby Jack
Isabella
Caleb
Anna
Trinity
Cooper
I thank you for filling my cup.
And to Big, Middle and Little...thank you for sharing your Momma...and for filling my cup.
I love you all very much.
Have a blessed Friday~
Referee of 3 +some
But as the Mommies came in and out this morning, I was given cards, cookies, smiles and hugs.
My cup overflows.
When I started this journey nine years ago, I can remember being as anxious as I am today about our next journey. I remember thinking...can I do this? Am I even qualified to do this?
As it turns out, I was.
I have loved these kids as my own.
I have watched over them...protected them...taught them...and spent hours upon hours just watching them grow.
My cup overflows.
I am sad today. But I am also so very grateful for the time I have gotten to spend with some amazing families. They have been such a blessing in all of our lives and I will miss them all...more than I can say.
Today I am making this about the blessings of what I have had with everyone and not about what I will miss. I know that God has a plan for my life....for their lives...and for our journey.
So...to
Logan and Drew
Chase and Grace
Drew, Mason & Livvy
Lukers & Landon
Morgan & Abbie
Tyler & Zach
Emma, Haley & Macy
Jackson & Emmie
Mercedes
Ethan
Braxton
Carsen
Carson
Carson
Graeson
Kane
Caroline
Baby Jack
Isabella
Caleb
Anna
Trinity
Cooper
I thank you for filling my cup.
And to Big, Middle and Little...thank you for sharing your Momma...and for filling my cup.
I love you all very much.
Have a blessed Friday~
Referee of 3 +some
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Your pain is your pain
I had a friend share this with me last night. No matter how insignificant you feel your situation might be, your pain is your pain.
Sometimes I find myself trying to keep such a positive attitude because I know it could be so much worse. I wrote an entire post about that very thing yesterday. And I dont' mean to talk out of both sides of my mouth here...but I would be lying if I didn't say that I was terribly sad for my last day of work tomorrow.
I know that it can always be worse. And I know that I have so many things to be thankful for...and I am.
But I am also very sad. There is no sense in denying that fact. I have cried many tears over the fact that I will no longer be caring for all these kids. I will no longer be "needed" in the sense that I am now.
I also know that this change is what is best for my family. And that many good things will come from it. But it doesn't keep me from crying as I go through the mounds of pictures I have of all of these kids growing up in our home. It doesn't keep me from crying as I realize how fast Big, Middle and Little have grown while I was in the thick of all of this.
My pain.
Does it compare to some? No way. Does it compare to the sacrifices that Jesus made for us? No way. But there is hope. And as I read in that post yesterday...He reigns...even when it rains.
Being a Christian doesn't mean being able to be superhuman. Sad things still make you sad. Bad things still make you angry. It is how we deal with what we are given that makes us different. Because we know that we have God. And He reigns. It doesn't mean I haven't cried. It means He cries with me. It doesn't mean I am not scared. It means He is giving me strength and courage when I need it the most. It isn't just kneeling in prayer to ask for His help...it is standing up with His help.
So I am sad. I am very, very sad. I am anxious. I am very, very anxious.
I feel like I am in a little fishing boat in the middle of a raging lake. (I don't know how to fish, nor do I care to ever touch live bait. And water isn't really even a fear of mine) But here I sit.
I heard a some words to a song last night that helped me put this all into perspective.
The words....
You hold my every motive
You calm my raging sea.
My pain.
My sea.
Lord, help me to get control over my emotions so that I can stand up and see the blessing through all of this. Help calm my sea, Lord. Help calm my sea.
Amen
Have a blessed day! And if you wouldn't mind, please pray tomorrow for me. I know saying goodbye to my little ones will be very difficult. Thanks so much!
Referee of 3
Sometimes I find myself trying to keep such a positive attitude because I know it could be so much worse. I wrote an entire post about that very thing yesterday. And I dont' mean to talk out of both sides of my mouth here...but I would be lying if I didn't say that I was terribly sad for my last day of work tomorrow.
I know that it can always be worse. And I know that I have so many things to be thankful for...and I am.
But I am also very sad. There is no sense in denying that fact. I have cried many tears over the fact that I will no longer be caring for all these kids. I will no longer be "needed" in the sense that I am now.
I also know that this change is what is best for my family. And that many good things will come from it. But it doesn't keep me from crying as I go through the mounds of pictures I have of all of these kids growing up in our home. It doesn't keep me from crying as I realize how fast Big, Middle and Little have grown while I was in the thick of all of this.
My pain.
Does it compare to some? No way. Does it compare to the sacrifices that Jesus made for us? No way. But there is hope. And as I read in that post yesterday...He reigns...even when it rains.
Being a Christian doesn't mean being able to be superhuman. Sad things still make you sad. Bad things still make you angry. It is how we deal with what we are given that makes us different. Because we know that we have God. And He reigns. It doesn't mean I haven't cried. It means He cries with me. It doesn't mean I am not scared. It means He is giving me strength and courage when I need it the most. It isn't just kneeling in prayer to ask for His help...it is standing up with His help.
So I am sad. I am very, very sad. I am anxious. I am very, very anxious.
I feel like I am in a little fishing boat in the middle of a raging lake. (I don't know how to fish, nor do I care to ever touch live bait. And water isn't really even a fear of mine) But here I sit.
I heard a some words to a song last night that helped me put this all into perspective.
The words....
You hold my every motive
You calm my raging sea.
My pain.
My sea.
Lord, help me to get control over my emotions so that I can stand up and see the blessing through all of this. Help calm my sea, Lord. Help calm my sea.
Amen
Have a blessed day! And if you wouldn't mind, please pray tomorrow for me. I know saying goodbye to my little ones will be very difficult. Thanks so much!
Referee of 3
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Please Read
An all too familiar reality.
I sat down at my computer...and was looking through the different blogs I read. I came across this.
An all too familiar reality.
We've been there. We've been having bad days. We've been going through sad times. We've been exhausted...cranky...frustrated with life.
And then I remember...something that PR said this weekend at church.
It could always be worse.
Could it? Oh yes...it could.
An all too familiar reality.
The sleepless nights following the accidents of three Mulvane teenagers that Coach taught...coached...and cared for. They were children of our friends. They were kids. Their pictures still hang on the bulletin board in my kitchen to remind me how blessed I am...to have known them...and to have my own children.
The worry...the fear...the courage to find the strength to face the next day.
We all have those days when Big's attitude is bigger than Texas. We all have those days when Middle is sneakier and more rude than I ever thought MY child could be. We all have those days when Little cries over more things than he did as a newborn.
But then I remember that each of my struggles is a blessing in disguise.
This line in this blog post hit me like a ton of bricks. I needed this so badly.
It was raining. But here is the hope. God is reigning. (Lysa TerKeurts)
Yes...He is reigning.
And we don't always understand...but we trust.
I will trust you God.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
Please read Lysa's entire blog post here.
I sat down at my computer...and was looking through the different blogs I read. I came across this.
An all too familiar reality.
We've been there. We've been having bad days. We've been going through sad times. We've been exhausted...cranky...frustrated with life.
And then I remember...something that PR said this weekend at church.
It could always be worse.
Could it? Oh yes...it could.
An all too familiar reality.
The sleepless nights following the accidents of three Mulvane teenagers that Coach taught...coached...and cared for. They were children of our friends. They were kids. Their pictures still hang on the bulletin board in my kitchen to remind me how blessed I am...to have known them...and to have my own children.
The worry...the fear...the courage to find the strength to face the next day.
We all have those days when Big's attitude is bigger than Texas. We all have those days when Middle is sneakier and more rude than I ever thought MY child could be. We all have those days when Little cries over more things than he did as a newborn.
But then I remember that each of my struggles is a blessing in disguise.
This line in this blog post hit me like a ton of bricks. I needed this so badly.
It was raining. But here is the hope. God is reigning. (Lysa TerKeurts)
Yes...He is reigning.
And we don't always understand...but we trust.
I will trust you God.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
Please read Lysa's entire blog post here.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Let us fix our eyes
We have had a somewhat busy weekend that didn't include baseball at all. Well...okay, it did include practices yesterday, but other than that...the "busy"ness came from many other sources. Birthday parties...shopping trips...grocery shopping and so on.
We attended church yesterday and listened to a wonderful message by PR. Something that stuck out to me though was at the end of the message.
Hebrews 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus
Seems simple enough.
As Christians, we are to keep our eye on the prize. PR talked about how athletes can look back while running a race to see where their opponent might be, and end up losing from that very thing. By keeping our eyes on the finish line, we are to stay straight and on pace. How true is that?
Often we get caught up in the "stuff" of life (as PR likes to say)...and we can stray from our lane on the track. It is so easy to do.
This weekend, I learned again how people can come and go in our lives. Unfortunately, not everyone is as true as they may appear to be. Feelings can be hurt. Confidence can be shaken. But by keeping our eyes on Jesus...we can continue on in our quest to the finish line.
Situations occur that create havoc in our lives. Some expected. Some completely unforeseen. None the less...they change our perspective...unless we fix our eyes on Jesus. We have one true treasure in this world. And it is our relationship with Him. His love never fails us...as some loves do. His trust never waivers....as some relationships do.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus...
I heard those words yesterday. I listened...and I heard what God is saying to me. And I repeated them over and over as the woman at Walmart was checking me out and questioning every other coupon I had in hand. Sheesh.
This week as we come upon troubling situations....let us fix our eyes on the one and only solution. Jesus.
As we come across things beyond our control...let us fix our eyes on the one that prepared our path. Jesus
As we struggle to understand people in our lives...let us fix our eyes on the one who promises us life. Jesus
Have a blessed Monday!
Tonight we are heading out to the Regional Baseball game for the High School Mulvane Wildcats coached by none other than Coach, and my brother in law. Let's go get em' CATS!!!
Referee of 3
We attended church yesterday and listened to a wonderful message by PR. Something that stuck out to me though was at the end of the message.
Hebrews 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus
Seems simple enough.
As Christians, we are to keep our eye on the prize. PR talked about how athletes can look back while running a race to see where their opponent might be, and end up losing from that very thing. By keeping our eyes on the finish line, we are to stay straight and on pace. How true is that?
Often we get caught up in the "stuff" of life (as PR likes to say)...and we can stray from our lane on the track. It is so easy to do.
This weekend, I learned again how people can come and go in our lives. Unfortunately, not everyone is as true as they may appear to be. Feelings can be hurt. Confidence can be shaken. But by keeping our eyes on Jesus...we can continue on in our quest to the finish line.
Situations occur that create havoc in our lives. Some expected. Some completely unforeseen. None the less...they change our perspective...unless we fix our eyes on Jesus. We have one true treasure in this world. And it is our relationship with Him. His love never fails us...as some loves do. His trust never waivers....as some relationships do.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus...
I heard those words yesterday. I listened...and I heard what God is saying to me. And I repeated them over and over as the woman at Walmart was checking me out and questioning every other coupon I had in hand. Sheesh.
This week as we come upon troubling situations....let us fix our eyes on the one and only solution. Jesus.
As we come across things beyond our control...let us fix our eyes on the one that prepared our path. Jesus
As we struggle to understand people in our lives...let us fix our eyes on the one who promises us life. Jesus
Have a blessed Monday!
Tonight we are heading out to the Regional Baseball game for the High School Mulvane Wildcats coached by none other than Coach, and my brother in law. Let's go get em' CATS!!!
Referee of 3
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
How to...
There are certain things in Motherhood and Wifehood that make you feel like a complete failure. The fitted sheet has always been one of them.
My Mother's sheets were always folded to perfection. My Granny's sheets were always folded to perfection.
Mine...not so much.
In fact, my dear friend Kenzi gave almost the perfect example of how we fold the fitted sheet here, when I told her I was watching a YouTube video to find out how to do it right.
"how to fold a fitted sheet?
really?
put on arms and roll one over the other
in a spinning motion" (Kenzi)
She then drove the point home with the fact that you are working out while you are "folding". Thank you dear friend for that visual picture and laugh.
But that is the truth. I have tried all different ways to fold them. And nothing works. So today...as I stared at my nemesis...I thought...
GOOGLE!
Why hadn't I thought of this before? So I googled...
How to fold a fitted sheet
And VIOLA!!!
2 YouTube videos popped up right before my eyes. You can imagine my excitement. If I can figure this out...can you imagine what else I can do? What else I can find on Google that will help me in my trials and tribulations?
So...I am adding a picture of my folded fitted sheets. I watched the video and carefully reinacted every step. Thus creating the perfect rectangle of a fitted sheet. (Well...almost perfect. They are jersey knit sheets and I am convinced they are not created in an equal rectangle to begin with.) Compared the rolling, spinning fold...this is AWESOME.
In this excitement...I have created a list of things I'd like to learn regarding Motherhood and Wifehood.
How to do laundry without losing socks
(I mean really...where do those crazy things go?)
How to clean a bathroom without getting bleach spots on your clothes?
(I am guessing this will end with don't use bleach, or hire a housekeeper)
How to keep children from getting dirty?
How to keep kid's feet from smelling so bad, you think something might possibly have died in their shoes and socks?
How to get somewhere...anywhere...on time with everything and everyone you are supposed to be bringing?
How to get all the sunflower seeds out of the van?
How to keep yourself from drinking pop when it and coffee are quite possibly the ONLY things getting you through your day?
How to eat healthy and exercise when you have small children? (I think this one will say something about dedication, schedule and will power...which leads to my next google search question...)
How (& where) to find dedication, schedule and will power?
How can I get rid of stretch marks, excess body weight and cellulite with little or no effort at all?
How to keep from making statements that you will have to suck back in with twice the power that you spewed them out like...
I will never have a dirty house
I will never get a call from the school about my child's behavior
I will never have to worry about money
My child will never say those words
I'll never get upset with a coach
I will never want to be away from my kids
I would never, in a million years, refer to my child as a brat, or a fallen angel
I will probably always have this metabolism
I will never drink diet pop
I will never ask google stupid questions..etc, etc, etc
Tomorrow's post will no doubt have absolutely none of the answers to these questions. Dang it.
BUT I CAN NOW FOLD A FITTED SHEET!
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
Monday, May 9, 2011
Mother's Day Weekend
My day went a little something like this...
Baseball
McDonalds Drive thru Breakfast
Target
Walmart (to pick up the Mother's Day cards I'd left there the night before at the checkout counter)
Baseball
Baseball
Baseball
Visits with Grandmother, Mother in Law, and Mom
Phone call with Granny
Wash uniform for game tomorrow night
Shower
Bed.
Mother's Day was perfect in every sense of the word. Except for the bit of wind we had at our last ballgame. That was a bit unnecessary if you ask me. When we got in the car after our heartbreak loss of one run, I took off my sunglasses to discover a ring of caked on dirt above my make up. You can kind of see it in the edited picture above, but you can see it more in this one...
As you can see, I still have the wrong date on my camera...I wonder if I'll ever remember to fix that?
Anyway, our day was great. We got to see lots of friends, family and baseball.
I know this family is lacking in its perfection. I realized that about the fourth or fifth time little had a meltdown at the ballpark yesterday. With his little tear streaming down his terribly dirty face...and my face turning 3 different shades of red from the embarrassment from everyone looking...
I also may or may not, have exchanged words with an overly aggressive coach on the other team. (not exactly the most expressive of my Christian behavior), but as the great Anita Renfro puts it...if you messin' with my kid, you straight up messin' with me.
All in all, it was a fabulous day. And we decided...(and by we I mean, me of course) that taking our Mother's Day picture with all four of us sweaty and covered in dirt, would be the best way to capture our day. I received the most adorable blingy bracelets to go with my blingy baseball shirt and enjoyed every bit of our day. Okay...that might be a lie. I hate the wind and it felt marvelous to get all the dirt scrubbed off of me last night. So saying that I loved being that filthy would be untrue. But what I love is that my boys love me...filthy or not. They aren't embarrassed by my need to shine at a baseball game or by the fact that I am not always the best Mom when it comes to my reactions. They love me no matter what...and I love them the same.
I have flaws...many of them. But his mercies are new each morning. They wash away like the dirt from the baseball field. How blessed are we to have God in our lives that loves us the way we love our children? Pretty blessed...
And to end my Mother's Day post...I want to say...
Mom, I love you with all of my heart. You are an amazing woman who has been there for me through thick and thin. You are an inspiration and I love your relationship with the Lord. I will never be able to keep my house the way you keep yours...so give that dream up. But if I can be half the person you are...and have the relationship with Christ that you have...I would say you have raised me right. Cleanliness or not. I love you and am so grateful for our relationship. You are an amazing woman. And I really hope I get your genes because you haven't changed in 33 years in my eyes. Well except for your hair. You went through that phase in the 90's when your hair changed color about every 8 weeks. But other than that...you haven't changed a bit. I love you! Happy Mother's Day!
Amy
And to all my young and young at heart Mother's out there that need a good laugh...here you go.
In the Mutha"hood" by Anita Renfro (see above post)
Friday, May 6, 2011
What am I missing?
Last night we were...at a baseball game. Actually, we were at 2 baseball games. Big and Middle. Middle's first game back since the breaking of the arm. The games didn't begin until after 8pm and we rolled in our driveway a little after 10pm. I am so looking forward to summer so we can have late nights and not so early mornings.
As we were sitting between fields and my head was on a swivel trying not to miss an at bat or a defensive play, a friend walked up and we began chatting. She said something along the lines of her being so busy going from ballgames, to practices and to a music program last week, that when she ended her day, she thought to herself...
Did I see anything that went on tonight?
I know exactly how she feels. (She has three sons as well)
We have so much going on right now with the end of school, the thick of baseball season and the change of jobs, that my head (when it isn't pounding...) is spinning.
We are so busy planning and scheduling that we don't get to fully enjoy any one activity because we have somewhere else to be...or something else to do.
Scheduling and being organized is very useful as a Mother...but being scheduled is a whole different thing. I find that we have less time to just "be still" and take in the moments. We obviously aren't going to quit baseball...and school is almost out. My hope is that things will slow down just enough for us to gather ourselves and enjoy the Summer with the boys. But what if it doesn't? What if we are busier than we are now? What if this? What if that?
My life has been filled with lots of what ifs lately and it is starting to take over my entire being.
My hope is that things will slow down. But...they might not.
My hope is that we'll be able to enjoy each and every interaction with our boys. But we might not get to see everything they do.
My hope is that we'll make all these changes in our lives with a smooth transition. But it might be a bumpy road.
My hope is that I'll look back in 10 years and remember these times fondly instead of saying things like..."I am so glad we are not in that phase anymore". But...I might not look back at this time and smile.
We hope for things that don't always come through. We hope for outcomes that don't always turn out. We hope for the best and sometimes end up with the worst case scenario possible.
I realize this sounds negative, but I am driving home to a point here.
Even with the worst case scenario, looking back in a negative way, bumpy transition, missing some activities and dealing with parental guilt...we still have God.
We have to be able to look past the negative to find that our hope lies in one thing and one thing only.
My hope is in the Lord.
And looking back on these exhausting times...I know that my God is trying to teach me something. Instead of having my head down and feeling sorry for myself...I need to open my eyes and be present for every second that I have been given. Every ball game...every practice...every ride in the van with the boys...every music program...every girls night out...every date night with Coach.
I am so afraid that it will all go by too fast...and it probably will. But my hope is in the Lord and I'll hold tight to that as long as I can.
Have a Happy Friday! We will be ball gaming and garage sale-ing (is that a word?) all weekend long. Go Jaguars and Wildcats!
Referee of 3
As we were sitting between fields and my head was on a swivel trying not to miss an at bat or a defensive play, a friend walked up and we began chatting. She said something along the lines of her being so busy going from ballgames, to practices and to a music program last week, that when she ended her day, she thought to herself...
Did I see anything that went on tonight?
I know exactly how she feels. (She has three sons as well)
We have so much going on right now with the end of school, the thick of baseball season and the change of jobs, that my head (when it isn't pounding...) is spinning.
We are so busy planning and scheduling that we don't get to fully enjoy any one activity because we have somewhere else to be...or something else to do.
Scheduling and being organized is very useful as a Mother...but being scheduled is a whole different thing. I find that we have less time to just "be still" and take in the moments. We obviously aren't going to quit baseball...and school is almost out. My hope is that things will slow down just enough for us to gather ourselves and enjoy the Summer with the boys. But what if it doesn't? What if we are busier than we are now? What if this? What if that?
My life has been filled with lots of what ifs lately and it is starting to take over my entire being.
My hope is that things will slow down. But...they might not.
My hope is that we'll be able to enjoy each and every interaction with our boys. But we might not get to see everything they do.
My hope is that we'll make all these changes in our lives with a smooth transition. But it might be a bumpy road.
My hope is that I'll look back in 10 years and remember these times fondly instead of saying things like..."I am so glad we are not in that phase anymore". But...I might not look back at this time and smile.
We hope for things that don't always come through. We hope for outcomes that don't always turn out. We hope for the best and sometimes end up with the worst case scenario possible.
I realize this sounds negative, but I am driving home to a point here.
Even with the worst case scenario, looking back in a negative way, bumpy transition, missing some activities and dealing with parental guilt...we still have God.
We have to be able to look past the negative to find that our hope lies in one thing and one thing only.
My hope is in the Lord.
And looking back on these exhausting times...I know that my God is trying to teach me something. Instead of having my head down and feeling sorry for myself...I need to open my eyes and be present for every second that I have been given. Every ball game...every practice...every ride in the van with the boys...every music program...every girls night out...every date night with Coach.
I am so afraid that it will all go by too fast...and it probably will. But my hope is in the Lord and I'll hold tight to that as long as I can.
Have a Happy Friday! We will be ball gaming and garage sale-ing (is that a word?) all weekend long. Go Jaguars and Wildcats!
Referee of 3
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Where did I put my motivation?
Well if writing is what I do, then this really isn't doing "nothing", right? The dishwasher is washing the dishes, so I can't actually put them away until they are dry, correct? And the washer is humming along washing uniforms, so I can't really be doing anything with those until it is done, right? The kids are napping and here I sit trying to be quiet. So so so so hard for me.
I should be doing something...anything. Yet here I sit. Wondering where I should move my furniture with all the change that is about to over take my life. Wondering what I should make for dinner before we all go rushing off to different places for the evening. Wondering if Big will manage on his field trip tomorrow without us. The guilt is getting the best of me with this one. I went on a field trip with Middle last week and Big has his feelings hurt because I couldn't take off another day and Coach has a game. So neither one of us could go on his trip with him. Being 11 going on 17, you'd think he would be okay with this. But all of a sudden, this eye rolling, long legged, sweaty, freckled preteen of mine is acting like a three year old who just dropped their ice cream on the ground. Most of the time, we are embarrassing and annoying to him. We are constantly dragging him down by not allowing him to listen to inappropriate music and we are ruining his life by still insisting on a bed time and only one sleepover a weekend. But today, he decides to lay on the puppy dog eyes as he says..."really you aren't coming on our field trip? That is so not fair!" (insert giant eye roll, big huffing sigh and shaky preteen voice) I am not going to lie...it kind of broke my heart.
I still cannot go on this field trip. And chances are...he'll forget I am not there about the time that someone else's Mom steps up to the plate and he isn't embarrassed by their presence quite like he is by mine. Sometimes being a Mom is so hard though. Working to contribute to the family's income. Being depended on by so many others...and letting down one of the most important people in your life. Most days, this job is ideal for my kids. I get to be home when they are home from school. I get to be home when they get out of school. I get to be around for them and am usually the one taxi-ing them around from practice to game and then home again. But on this particular occasion...it stinks.
So what to do? Oh I'll buy him his favorite pop for his lunch and send him an extra special dessert. Not one that I made of course, because that would be embarrassing. But I will write a note on his napkin letting him know that even though I am not physically there with him, I am thinking of him and praying for him all the time. And that I am sorry.
It is okay to be sorry. It is okay to feel bad...and to be sorry. Because forgiveness is part of what brings us closer to Him.
Big needs to understand that even when we can't be with him...he is never alone.
We can't be everywhere all the time. Even if we wish we could. We just cant. God can though. As guilt has taken over my almost entire afternoon, I am reminded that God is with Big all the time. Even when we can't be. He is his child first. And God wants Big to learn something from the feelings he's having with us not going just like He wants me to learn something from the feelings I am having from not being there.
We all have those days. And although my sadness is minor in the big picture, it still makes me feel bad. Finding the strength to recover and be motivated is where I am lacking. I am going to go see if I can remember where I put it...
Have a good afternoon!
Referee of 3
I should be doing something...anything. Yet here I sit. Wondering where I should move my furniture with all the change that is about to over take my life. Wondering what I should make for dinner before we all go rushing off to different places for the evening. Wondering if Big will manage on his field trip tomorrow without us. The guilt is getting the best of me with this one. I went on a field trip with Middle last week and Big has his feelings hurt because I couldn't take off another day and Coach has a game. So neither one of us could go on his trip with him. Being 11 going on 17, you'd think he would be okay with this. But all of a sudden, this eye rolling, long legged, sweaty, freckled preteen of mine is acting like a three year old who just dropped their ice cream on the ground. Most of the time, we are embarrassing and annoying to him. We are constantly dragging him down by not allowing him to listen to inappropriate music and we are ruining his life by still insisting on a bed time and only one sleepover a weekend. But today, he decides to lay on the puppy dog eyes as he says..."really you aren't coming on our field trip? That is so not fair!" (insert giant eye roll, big huffing sigh and shaky preteen voice) I am not going to lie...it kind of broke my heart.
I still cannot go on this field trip. And chances are...he'll forget I am not there about the time that someone else's Mom steps up to the plate and he isn't embarrassed by their presence quite like he is by mine. Sometimes being a Mom is so hard though. Working to contribute to the family's income. Being depended on by so many others...and letting down one of the most important people in your life. Most days, this job is ideal for my kids. I get to be home when they are home from school. I get to be home when they get out of school. I get to be around for them and am usually the one taxi-ing them around from practice to game and then home again. But on this particular occasion...it stinks.
So what to do? Oh I'll buy him his favorite pop for his lunch and send him an extra special dessert. Not one that I made of course, because that would be embarrassing. But I will write a note on his napkin letting him know that even though I am not physically there with him, I am thinking of him and praying for him all the time. And that I am sorry.
It is okay to be sorry. It is okay to feel bad...and to be sorry. Because forgiveness is part of what brings us closer to Him.
Big needs to understand that even when we can't be with him...he is never alone.
We can't be everywhere all the time. Even if we wish we could. We just cant. God can though. As guilt has taken over my almost entire afternoon, I am reminded that God is with Big all the time. Even when we can't be. He is his child first. And God wants Big to learn something from the feelings he's having with us not going just like He wants me to learn something from the feelings I am having from not being there.
We all have those days. And although my sadness is minor in the big picture, it still makes me feel bad. Finding the strength to recover and be motivated is where I am lacking. I am going to go see if I can remember where I put it...
Have a good afternoon!
Referee of 3
Disconnect
I have been a stay at home Mom/daycare provider for the past almost 10 years. A little over two years ago, I joined the social networking world of facebook. It has been a great tool for me to connect with old friends. High School Friends, College Friends, Sorority sisters, and family around the country. I get to see what is going on in their lives and keep up with their families...which I love.
Sometimes though...it can be the biggest distraction of my day. I can sit and read updates for hours at a time. Coach gives me a hard time because if there is ever a second of downtime, I am checking my facebook via my cell phone. I wouldn't want to miss out on the up to the second updates of where everyone is eating dinner and things of that sort...right?
Facebook has allowed me to share my blog with many friends and I am so grateful for that connection. It makes me laugh, and cry. People share good and bad things. It gives me people's situations to pray about and for...and gives me food for thought. It challenges me to think on certain topics I might not even consider. Yet sometimes...it makes me feel insecure...and wonder what I might have done to offend someone. It makes me second guess myself and worry about the outcome of situations that don't pertain to me at all. Often times I have considered deleting the whole thing. Because it keeps me from being fully connected to my family, my daily housework, and my time with God.
I think that is why I strive to blog on a daily basis (even though that has become less and less as the kids get older and older). I love typing away on my laptop. I love writing. And I love the connection I have with God during this time.
In life...you have to take the good with the bad. I am not deleting my facebook because I believe that everything happens for a reason. I stumble upon certain status updates at just the time I am supposed to. But like with everything else in this crazy life, I have to find the right balance. I struggle to do that.
Especially with the Easter candy and nutritional food. Just the other day, I traded my entire lunch for a chocolate bunny. All 460 calories. Who did I trade with? Oh myself. I considered making a sandwich and having some light cottage cheese as a side. But then the little chocolate hoppity hop kept calling my name. And of course, I ate the entire thing. I didn't add the cottage cheese as a side because I figured I had already eaten enough. Ugh.
Oh well...new day. New challenges. New struggles with good and evil. I'll let you know how it turns out.
It is all about balance. Once in a church service, we had a lesson about life represented by a jar of marbles and sand. The marbles represented Christ. The sand represented the "stuff" of life. When the sand was put in the jar first, the marbles didn't fit. Too much "stuff" (i.e., facebook and chocolate bunnies), not enough God. But when the marbles were placed in the jar to begin with, the sand fit all around the marbles and it all fit in the jar nicely. God, facebook and even the occasional chocolate bunny.
Point, you ask? Putting God first helps us find that balance the way He intends for us to. The stuff isn't going away...and trying to balance the scale on our own is not a good idea. But putting God first and allowing Him to help us find that balance, keeps things in check in our crazy lives.
Have a fabulous day friends!
Referee of 3
Sometimes though...it can be the biggest distraction of my day. I can sit and read updates for hours at a time. Coach gives me a hard time because if there is ever a second of downtime, I am checking my facebook via my cell phone. I wouldn't want to miss out on the up to the second updates of where everyone is eating dinner and things of that sort...right?
Facebook has allowed me to share my blog with many friends and I am so grateful for that connection. It makes me laugh, and cry. People share good and bad things. It gives me people's situations to pray about and for...and gives me food for thought. It challenges me to think on certain topics I might not even consider. Yet sometimes...it makes me feel insecure...and wonder what I might have done to offend someone. It makes me second guess myself and worry about the outcome of situations that don't pertain to me at all. Often times I have considered deleting the whole thing. Because it keeps me from being fully connected to my family, my daily housework, and my time with God.
I think that is why I strive to blog on a daily basis (even though that has become less and less as the kids get older and older). I love typing away on my laptop. I love writing. And I love the connection I have with God during this time.
In life...you have to take the good with the bad. I am not deleting my facebook because I believe that everything happens for a reason. I stumble upon certain status updates at just the time I am supposed to. But like with everything else in this crazy life, I have to find the right balance. I struggle to do that.
Especially with the Easter candy and nutritional food. Just the other day, I traded my entire lunch for a chocolate bunny. All 460 calories. Who did I trade with? Oh myself. I considered making a sandwich and having some light cottage cheese as a side. But then the little chocolate hoppity hop kept calling my name. And of course, I ate the entire thing. I didn't add the cottage cheese as a side because I figured I had already eaten enough. Ugh.
Oh well...new day. New challenges. New struggles with good and evil. I'll let you know how it turns out.
It is all about balance. Once in a church service, we had a lesson about life represented by a jar of marbles and sand. The marbles represented Christ. The sand represented the "stuff" of life. When the sand was put in the jar first, the marbles didn't fit. Too much "stuff" (i.e., facebook and chocolate bunnies), not enough God. But when the marbles were placed in the jar to begin with, the sand fit all around the marbles and it all fit in the jar nicely. God, facebook and even the occasional chocolate bunny.
Point, you ask? Putting God first helps us find that balance the way He intends for us to. The stuff isn't going away...and trying to balance the scale on our own is not a good idea. But putting God first and allowing Him to help us find that balance, keeps things in check in our crazy lives.
Have a fabulous day friends!
Referee of 3
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Coincidence? I think not...
Today's post...was about being real. I started the process of writing this book long ago. I have it saved on my desktop for the opportunity to go back to it, whenever I have spare time. I laugh as I write that...
I decided today to revisit the start of the book. And this is what the first part looks like. Coincidence that it is exactly what I was trying to write about today? Uhmmm...no. Not in the slightest.
I decided today to revisit the start of the book. And this is what the first part looks like. Coincidence that it is exactly what I was trying to write about today? Uhmmm...no. Not in the slightest.
I am not perfect
I’m not perfect. I spend a lot of my time with my little ones watching TV. There is a song that plays on TV called I’m not perfect. The words go like this…I’m not perfect, No I’m not. I’m not perfect, but I’ve got what I’ve got. I try my very best, I try my very best, I try my very best each day…But I’m not perfect and I know you like me that way. What a great song. I am not perfect. I honestly have yet to meet someone who is. I struggle with many things on a daily basis. I am not a good housekeeper. I don’t keep up with the laundry. I’m not a good cook. I tend to burn things because I get distracted. I am unorganized. I am not crafty. I haven’t printed pictures since Brady was born almost four years ago. I am not driven or committed. I have no will power and I love to eat. I don’t like to exercise. The list could go on and on…but I just basically am saying…I am not perfect. Sometimes I get so down on myself because other people seem to have it all together. I used to use the excuse…well I’m a Mother so that makes me forget things. Or I have two little boys so it is alright that things are messy. Boys are just that way. But I have come to know several Moms who have three children…all boys…and have it all together. I would like to also say that I know many women who have full time jobs and scrapbook like professionals. I have another friend who has four children and makes the most beautiful cookies you’ve ever seen. All while have a lovely clean and well decorated home. Ugh. So there you have it. I am not perfect. But…I love the Lord. In the last few years I have come to several realizations. One being that my house doesn’t have to look like it out of a magazine for God to love me back. In fact, I think that God would rather me be spending time getting to know him than cleaning this house. It says so in the story of Mary and Martha. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a Martha. House clean, things in order…oh how I long to be as together as my Mother was at my age. But I am realizing that the Mary is what Jesus longs for. He wants us to be attentive to Him. He wants us to desire to know more about His love and His kingdom. He wants more from us as Christians than He wants from us as humans…and it just so happens that works for me. My house is not dirty…but it is cluttered. One of my favorite tricks is to take everything from the counter tops and put it into a laundry basket when company comes over. The basket has a plethora of different homes. It’s favorite place is on top of the washer and dryer…but I have even gone so far as to put it in my car when company is coming over. I used to try to put all that stuff away before people would come over. Now I don’t have time to worry about it. I usually spend the next few days after the party sorting through the basket and realizing that the cable bill is late and we missed about three birthday parties that weekend. I have tried the calendar method. I have tried the dry erase method. I have tried the sticky note method. Nothing seems to work as far as organizing my schedule other than my kids reminding me about the birthday parties. I have learned that if I tell them to remind me about something fun they would like to do…they remind me several times. Some would call me pathetic. Some would call me a mess. And gladly I will wear the sash of the pathetically, unorganized messy women. I have always wanted a crown. I will crown myself Ms. Pathetically, unorganized. It has a nice ring to it. And if I could have my say…I would like my sash to be hot pink and the crown to have lots of bling.
The thing is…you have to embrace what you are. I am not someone who puts a lot of time in worrying about the organizational manner of my closets. I don’t label my drawers and my vegetable cans are thrown into my pantry. I do have a spot for them, but when Coach helps in putting the groceries away, they don’t always get in their tub. Fine by me. I used to do it all by myself because he wouldn’t quite do it right. I would unload and reload the dishwasher after he did it because it wasn’t up to my standards. I would turn all of the diet coke cans in the fridge to line up after he put them away because I liked the way it looked. Good grief…those times have changed. No woman strives to be unorganized. No woman wants to live life as if a revolving door allows a mess in the room every 30 seconds. But it is what it is. We have three kids. They have a lot of stuff. Coach wears a lot of clothes to teach/coach/workout in. Brady changes his clothes about seven times a day to accommodate his uniform changes in between sports…(this I’ll get into later in the book). Our house is a mess. We have dirty little boys that take showers. That makes the showers dirty…every time. It try to keep up with the mess around the toilet, but that in itself would be a full time job and about a can of Clorox Wipes a day.
I am learning through my relationship with Christ that life is this way. I am learning to embrace the mess…embrace the dirt…embrace the chaos…because all of that represents the things that mean the most to me in this world. Without the laundry and smears on the front door, I wouldn’t know what to do.
I am not perfect…but God doesn’t expect me to be.
Thank Goodness.
Referee of 3
For Real?
I asked a couple of posts ago what you thought about me writing a book. It has been on my heart and apparently on the heart of my parents as well. My future has been in question for the past few weeks. I have a job secured for next year...and I am ending daycare. Of this, I am sure. But what is to come for our future? Honestly, I have no clue. I know what I want for my future, but we all know that my plans are not always in line with what God has in store for my life.
I asked what you thought about a book, and the response was overwhelming. For those of you who felt called to drop me a note, or a line on facebook...thank you from the bottom of my heart. It meant more to me than you'll ever know. To have support...is so heart warming. It encourages what I already hope to be true about these posts that I write. And not even that I write...that God puts on my heart.
One of the things I have heard over and over in the past year of writing...is that the things I write about are so real.
For real?
Yes...they are very real. I am being honest with you...in every sense of the word. Even too honest sometimes. However, I've only had to retract 2 posts in over a year. Not bad, huh?
What I want people to know about my faith journey...is that it is just that. It is a journey. I am on a path that didn't become pearly white and straight the second I accepted Christ into my heart. If that were the case, there would be nothing to write about. I am simply on a path that He set forth for me. And He is walking every step along side me. He never disappears...even when I do. He never loses step...even when I fall off the path completely. I would imagine He laughs when I burn things in the oven...and He cries when I cry.
Being a Christian doesn't mean being perfect. It means all kinds of things...but perfection is not one of them. Thank Goodness.
If I write this book...it will be far from perfect. It will be a place where I can be real...much like this blog. That is what God wants from us every day.
To love Him. To reflect His love. To serve Him. To forgive others. To love one another...
And to be real.
So thank you so much for your notes, your thoughts and your prayers. And for reading what God puts on my heart each morning. I am looking forward to where the path will lead me next. And I am not talking about a ballpark...even though that is where we'll be spending 6 out of the next 7 days. Go Wildcats and Jaguars!
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
I asked what you thought about a book, and the response was overwhelming. For those of you who felt called to drop me a note, or a line on facebook...thank you from the bottom of my heart. It meant more to me than you'll ever know. To have support...is so heart warming. It encourages what I already hope to be true about these posts that I write. And not even that I write...that God puts on my heart.
One of the things I have heard over and over in the past year of writing...is that the things I write about are so real.
For real?
Yes...they are very real. I am being honest with you...in every sense of the word. Even too honest sometimes. However, I've only had to retract 2 posts in over a year. Not bad, huh?
What I want people to know about my faith journey...is that it is just that. It is a journey. I am on a path that didn't become pearly white and straight the second I accepted Christ into my heart. If that were the case, there would be nothing to write about. I am simply on a path that He set forth for me. And He is walking every step along side me. He never disappears...even when I do. He never loses step...even when I fall off the path completely. I would imagine He laughs when I burn things in the oven...and He cries when I cry.
Being a Christian doesn't mean being perfect. It means all kinds of things...but perfection is not one of them. Thank Goodness.
If I write this book...it will be far from perfect. It will be a place where I can be real...much like this blog. That is what God wants from us every day.
To love Him. To reflect His love. To serve Him. To forgive others. To love one another...
And to be real.
So thank you so much for your notes, your thoughts and your prayers. And for reading what God puts on my heart each morning. I am looking forward to where the path will lead me next. And I am not talking about a ballpark...even though that is where we'll be spending 6 out of the next 7 days. Go Wildcats and Jaguars!
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
Monday, May 2, 2011
Freedom does not come free
I was pregnant with Middle on 9/11. When the first plane hit the 1st tower...we were on our way to our sonogram. I was in the sonogram at the time the 2nd tower was hit. It was horrifying. I had a child inside of me. I was seeing this miracle on the screen, heartbeat...hands...feet...spine...moving, and growing. And I was watching the horrifying images on TV thinking...I am supposed to bring this child into this world?
I can remember finding out he was another "he"...and walking slowly out of the office. We made phone calls on the way home to let everyone know that baby was doing fine...but no one was there. They answered...but their voices were all distant...teary...and we all felt the fear.
I didn't sleep for weeks. I had terrible nightmares. I cried and cried over the women that were left expecting...and the husbands never returned home that day. I cried over the children who were left without their parents. For the people wandering the streets refusing to believe that their loved one was in that pile of destruction.
From that point on, I feared what would become of the country my children would be raised in.
And then slowly, I remember that we are protected...by our military...of which we could not do without. The men and women that serve this country...there are not words to thank you for what you do. I can't even come up with anything that even comes close to the gratitude we have for you and the sacrifices you have made. Thank you...
We are also protected by God. One nation...under God. God does not keep bad things from happening. We know this all too well. But he never turns away. He was there that day. And He was there last night...when justice was served. I feel like for the past 10 years (almost)...I have said it quietly. Osama...Our God is bigger.
Over and over...
Our God is bigger.
I believed it...I did.
But watching the news last night...I thought it only right to shout it from the mountain tops...or from my deck this morning...
OUR GOD IS BIGGER.
One nation under God.
Protected by the Cross.
Have a blessed day...and
God Bless America!
Referee of 3
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Shining
I talk constantly about my super cute baseball bags and shirts. I have a friend that makes these adorable blingy shirts and I have one for every sport. I just ordered a new one for this year's baseball season that looks like this.
I realize it is a bad picture. I took it with my cell phone and then edited it to the best of my ability. (which is quite small if you must know the truth about my photo editing skills) But putting pictures on blogs is what all the really cool blog writers do so that is what I am doing too. Very cool, right?
Anyway...back to the blingy shirts.
I love them and I wear them constantly. In my mind...blingy shirts are super cute and they make dirty ol' baseball not so "boyish". I can only imagine how fast Coach's eyes would be rolling right now had he been standing behind me as I wrote those words.
My blingy shirt shines in the sun...and I love it. Along with my blingy earrings and my super blingy flip flops. I have many friends who wear bling on their jeans. I do not. I don't need any help enhancing the back side of my jeans thank you very much. No need to draw unwanted attention there for sure. But if you have bling on your jeans...you rock it out.
Anyway...to the point of this post.
Surprisingly enough...it isn't about the amount of bling I put on my body. It is about what PR talked about in church this week following up last week's message of Rise and Shine!
Today we talked more about the shine part of the resurrection. (I will be paraphrasing, btw.) He gave us an example of this cave in Colorado (name I can't recall). When he toured this cave, the tour guide turned out the lights. And PR said it was the darkest dark you can imagine. Then the tour guide lit a candle. One candle...and the cave lit up all around. He said it was amazing how much light was coming from that one candle. He then went on to use the example of a full moon on a clear night. I love full moons. I love standing out on the deck and watching the light reflecting off the moon, onto the earth all around us. PR talked about how the light from the sun reflects off the moon in the same way that we should reflect the light of the SON into the lives of others.
Cool thought right? We are one person. And sometimes we feel like our light isn't shining very brightly. But you never know who that light touches. Our reflection of God's light can be a pretty amazing tool. It can reach people when we don't even know we are doing it. PR said..."little things are bigger than you'll ever know." That is the truth. Think back in the past week at some of the small things that others did for you...that made a big difference. Was it a friend listening to a problem you had? Was it a compliment that made you feel good about yourself? Was it a friend offering to help you take a child to a ballgame? (YES) It really is in the little things. Sometimes that is so easy to forget. While we are busy trying to tackle a huge problem or save the world from evil...we could be doing little things right here to make others feel the warmth of His love.
Another part of the message was "who turns out your lights?" Is it others full of discouraging words? Is it an addiction? Is it lack of confidence? What is it that turns out your light? Sometimes, I feel like I am my worst critic. A friend of mine shared with me today that it was time I quit putting the "bowl over my own light". Even though I wanted to tell her to shut it...I knew she was right. Sometimes I am so bad about turning out my light before it can shine. I think we all are. It's like I am putting my blingy shirt on inside out. And what sense would that make? No one would be able to see how cute the shirt is! (My boys probably wish I would wear them inside out somedays)
Anyway...today we learned to shine. To be a reflection of his love...and to believe that our light...no matter how big or small we believe it to be...WILL make a difference in the lives of others.
So shine on!
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
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