Granny

 

You know by the title that if you are not in the mood for a good cry, you should exit.  

Grief is so weird.  

My heart hurts and then it's okay.  Then it hurts.  Then it is okay.  

Someone once referred to grief as waves in the ocean, taking your breath away until they calm.  

Someone else referred to grief as a button in a box with a bouncing ball.  The ball bounces and bounces and hits the grief button often in the beginning.  Over time, the ball gets smaller and hits the button less. But when it hits, it hits with the same intensity.  

Grief is difficult to navigate through.  Tears come at the most inopportune moments and we don't know how to react.  We try to push them away, but these tears don't stop on command.  Our heart forces us to feel until the feeling subsides.  

I am missing Granny very much.  We all are.  The women in our family...we just miss her greatness.  

To be loved by someone so completey...so unconditionally...love in its truest form.  

The kind of love that writes "Don't ever change Amy.  You're what the world needs more of.", in a birthday card.  

The kind of love that says, come in-have a snack-tell me about your day.  

The kind of love that cries when you cry and smiles when you smile.  

We can only hope to be loved by someone that way.  Without hesitation.  Without reservation.  Without judgement.  Loved like Jesus loves us.  

Below are the words I spoke at her funeral.  I think they are worth sharing because she was something special.  She was one of a kind and she was our Granny.  

Today I am just missing her.  The waves just keep coming...until the waters calm.  

Thank you for coming today.  When thinking about what to write in remembrance of Granny, I decided to come up with a few words that make me think of her. 

 

Kindness-The first word that came to mind when remembering Granny’s life was kindness.  As a child we were taught to be kind and she modeled that lesson throughout our entire lives.  If you can’t be kind, be quiet. Because in the quiet, you might better understand the reasons for the other person’s perspective.  If you listen, you hear.  Granny was the best listener.  She took in every word, not offering solutions or advice, but just a quiet presence that allowed us to work through our own thoughts and problems.  She had tears when we had tears.  She smiled when we smiled.  She was simply a reflection of our emotions.  Like a still pond on a quiet morning.  She listened with kindness.  She was kind when she listened.  Her kindness spoke louder than any words ever could. 

 

Pink-I love pink.  It’s my very favorite color.  I think that has a lot to do with Granny.  She also loved pink.  She loved all things pink, and girly, and wonderful.  When they built their houses, she had pink in the decor.  I loved that so much that I also incorporated pink into my front bathroom.  Pink tiles and a countertop to match.  Just like Granny.  Even in a house full of boys, it was okay to be a girl.  When I see pink anything, I think of Granny.  She was beautiful in pink and she wore it often.  It complimented her fair skin tone and her beautiful blue eyes.  When I think of the feminine beauty of pink, I think of her.  I always will. 

 

Lipstick-From the time when we were little, lipstick has always been something I loved about granny.  She took such pride in her appearance.  She was a woman of grace and poise.  She got up every morning and got ready to face whatever the day offered.  That included a full face of makeup to enhance her beautiful features, and always, her pink lipstick.  I can still see her putting it on.  She applied it after every meal, just like Mom.  She was the essence of beauty and her lipstick was something she made a priority.  I’ll never go without a compact and a colorful lipstick, in honor of Granny.  Putting on her lipstick was like putting on her strength to face the day, the evening, the wedding, the funeral, the birth, the shopping trip, the everything.  To some, it is just make up.  To the women in this family, it is a weapon.  We put it on and we can do just about anything  Don’t ever forget your lipstick. 

 

Flowers-Granny loved floral everything.  From bedding and furniture to decorations and gardens.  She loved flowers.  She always had the most lovely gardens.  She took special care of her flowers and when she couldn’t, Grandpa did. She had a blue and mauve floral couch that I loved sitting on.  It was in the living room and it was fancy.  Her taste in everything made you feel fancy, even if you weren’t.  I bet the flowers in heaven bloomed as she arrived.  Mom seemed to struggle when talking to me about the flowers for the service and I think this is because knowing how much she loved them, she wanted to get it just right.  And I think she would LOVE the flowers you chose.  They are perfect in every way. 

 

Gathering-Gathering as a family is something that we have done for as long as I can remember.  We gathered at Granny and Grandpa’s house until they were unable to host anymore.  The last gathering we had at Granny’s was after Grandpa passed.  Those were terrible moments, but we were there together.  Cindy was very sick and Rick…watching you with her in those moments is something I’ll never forget. Cindy was in the chair next to granny and you tried to help her up, but she fell back down.  You laughed.  Cindy laughed.  Granny laughed.  And seeing that laughter in the midst of such sadness taught me so much about the character of this family.  Granny was our matriarch and gathering was not optional.  If she had a gathering, you came.  You brought anyone you wanted, but you came and ate.  We prayed.  We ate.  We played games.  We ate dessert.  But we gathered in a way that made us feel better when we were together.  When Granny sold her house a couple of years ago, it was the loss of our gathering place that hurt the most.  What were we to do when we didn’t have their home to gather in?  As a family, we invaded the Villa.  And we gathered.  We did the thing that Granny loved the most in life.  We were together.  And here we are gathered again today because of her.  She taught us that being together,  even in the worst of times, was important.  Gathering in the best of times was the easy part.  But being together when the world seemed to come crashing down on one of us, was even more important.  Family is everything.  She taught that.  She lived it.  And she expects nothing less from all of us.  We will continue to gather and make family important to honor her because she would want that. 

 

Baking-Granny was such an amazing cook and baker.  We have eaten like Kings our whole lives at her house.  I remember her making me honey sandwiches whenever I wanted them as a little girl.  It was honey on bread, but that was what I wanted and she made it for me without saying a word.  She made the most amazing desserts and I’ll never forget our times making candy cane cookies as a family.  Granny had a heart for feeding our families.  She made the food to bring in the people.  Little did she know that we would have come for pizza and oreos if she told us to.  Her kitchens in every house are the parts I remember the most because she was there and we gathered there to be with her.  There will never be a lemon meringue pie like hers.  Hers was simply the best. 

 

Shopping-our shopping trips with Granny were THE BEST.  She loved looking at things and shopping with all of us kids.  I have the most amazing memories of shopping in Seattle when we would load up in the cadillac, listen to Amy Grant, and drive to the boutiques to buy earrings and books.  She loved to buy pretty holiday dresses for us girls and I have so many memories of standing in front of their fireplaces dressed up and feeling beautiful.  She had a way of making us all feel that way, even when we weren’t our best. 

 

Strength-Granny’s quiet strength is something I’ll never understand.  She had a presence without saying a word.  She prayed for us.  She cried with us.  She laughed with us.  She was the quiet observer who took everything in.  And then, she went to work asking Jesus to be with us in every step of our trials.  Granny quietly understood us.  There are so many of us and yet, she knew exactly how to handle each of our unique personalities in both good times and bad.  She wasn’t into working out, ever, to my knowledge.  But her strength was that of a lion in the form of a lamb.  Never underestimate the quiet ones.  They are working, even in their silence. 

 

Love-Some people never experience love like the love we received from our grandparents.  They inspired us to be so much.  Their love was unbelievable and encouraged us to love ourselves, our families, and others as Jesus did.   Some people go through life never even being exposed to a love like hers.  Everyone in this room was not only exposed to it, but experienced receiving her love.  She loved each and every one in her own special way.  Anyone who was even exposed to her kindness, her strength, her love, her cooking, was blessed.  And WE, were loved by her.  We were hers.  Our husbands and wives, were hers.  Our children were hers.  She loved us and what a blessing it was to be loved by such an amazing woman.    She was there for my first heartbreak.  And for all the heartbreaks after that until I met Steve.  She was there when our children were born.  She has been part of every major event in my life thus far.  How amazing that we got to do life WITH her for so long!  We are the lucky ones. 

 

Faith-her faith is something that I’ll never forget.  Granny loved us, but she loved Grandpa and Jesus more.  She understood the life that we are to live here on earth.  She had great love and she had great loss.  Her joy was real.  Her pain was real.  Her sadness was real.  But her love for Jesus and her faith of knowing she’d be reunited with those she lost someday, guided her life here on earth.  She never recited scripture, or told us to read our bibles.  She simply modeled the life of someone who did.  She never told us to love our enemies or be forgiving.  She simply lived the life of someone who did.  She was truly a reflection of the love of Jesus Christ.  When she woke up in the morning, she thanked Jesus for her day.  When she was alone, she talked to, praised, and cried with Jesus.  And in the days that preceded her death, she surrendered to Jesus.  She knew we’d be okay without her and she took his hand and entered into heaven.  She was no doubt greeted by the biggest group of her loved ones and they are celebrating her today.  

 

Chele said it best the other day when she referred to Granny as her first best friend.  She’s right.  Granny and our mom are the only women on the planet that know all of us and love us anyway.  There are only a few people in our lives that truly know all of us.  Losing someone who cares so deeply about you and loves you unconditionally, the way Jesus wants us to love, is a huge loss.  We’ve cried so many tears this week and I keep telling myself all the things that are supposed to make us feel better.  She’s in a better place.  She’s healthy.  She’s with her parents, siblings, Connie, Bobby, Cindy, Grandpa, the love of her life, and many more.  I am so happy for her, but I’m just not sure how to live life without her.  The only way to truly work through the loss of such an amazing person is to be a reflection of her for the rest of our lives.  We can give the love she gave us to the people we love.  She would want it that way. 

 

In closing, we asked Granny several questions for a school interview (a few years ago) and I want to share them with you. 

 

What is the most important thing in your life? My family

 

What has been your greatest success?  Having a happy marriage

 

What has been your biggest failure?  My biggest failure was not keeping my job after we got married

 

What was the hardest lesson you learned? We lived in the country and I had to go to Wellington, get a job at SWB Telephone Company and live on my own and manage my money

 

What brought you the greatest sadness?  The deaths of our son, daughter, and our parents

 

What is the secret to a long marriage?  Have good communication, be honest with each other, saying you’re sorry, you can’t always be right , trust and be respectful to each other, Love each other above all

 

Who is someone you’ve always admired?  My grandmother Charlie.  She set a good example.  Always kind, lovable, always loved everyone

 

What is the most important thing to learn in life?  Do not be quick to judge others.  First impressions aren’t always lasting.  Mind your own business.  It only hurts relationships. 

 

Do you have any regrets? None.  I’d do it all the same. 

 

“I’d do it all the same.”...What a testament to her faith in the life God gave her.  He knew her every step.  He knew her every breath.  She appreciated the path he set before her.  How lucky are we to be touched by her faith and how blessed are we to have been taught the importance of the perfect meringue, the strength of lipstick, and the unconditional love of Jesus.