Blech

I am going to be brutally honest in this post. Today...I hate my body.



I am a 33 year old Mother of three. This body was not designed to stretch the way that it did...leaving me looking like a road map with many markings. (stretch markings) Our dryer quit this week. Which in itself seems like it might be enough to set someone over the edge...but that is not what upset me. What upset me was that I had to get out of my adorable Pink sweat pants from Victoria Secret...that are designed to totally hide all the extra fluff that I have been wearing around lately...and put on my jeans.



That is where I lost it. My jeans...the jeans that are a size bigger than the ones I wore LAST year...were tight. I have no idea why either. I ate cheese crackers and nerds for lunch. And I drank 2 DIET Dr. Peppers. So I am not sure what happened here. I used portion control...eating only three mini boxes of nerds that doesn't even equal a normal big box...and the cheese crackers were small. Plus...I drank diet pop! Where did I go wrong?

Ugh.

Today I hate my body. But more than hating my body, I hate myself for not taking care of this body. I have been given this gift of a body...which at this point looks more like a forgotten box in the back of the UPS truck than anything...but none the less...I've been given this body as a gift. And up until now...I have been grateful. I was given a high metabolism as a teenager. I was able to eat whatever I wanted...whenever I wanted...and didn't gain a pound. However...the metabolism has slowed down a bit. So the whatever and whenever have to stop. I know this. I also know that the activity level has to increase. I have had difficulty making that one happen as any free time I have in the short 24 hours that are given to me each day...I would like to spend sitting down...or sleeping. Which ever comes first.


So...this is me...having a pity party. This is me...staring my extra fluff square in the face. This is me...feeling sorry for myself because I am too tired...or I am too emotional...or I am to much of a woman. I let Coach have it too. "You don't help me!" or "You don't believe in me enough to think I will stick it out because I always quit!" or "You don't make me feel pretty."


Bull. Bull, bull, bull.


I don't help myself. I don't believe in myself enough. I don't make myself feel pretty. As a Mother of three...I know that beauty is on the inside. I know that I am beautiful to my husband and to my children. I know that I am beautiful to my parents and to my sister and friends. Not because I am in tip top shape. Not because I have great hair or super cute clothes. Not even because my jeans fit nicely. But because I love the Lord.




I love the Lord that gave me this body. I love the Lord that allowed me to carry three wonderful children. Okay...wonderful tonight might be stretching it...remember friends...I am in a mood. But...none the less...I was able to carry them. I sat in the bathtub tonight pouting. I took the advice of my bible study this past week and was still. Completely still. And do you know what I saw when I closed my eyes?



The pictures I am about to show you.





This is me one week before I gave birth to our oldest son. And that sitting on my belly is the half of cheese cake that I had just finished. Yep. That's right. And had there been a whole one, I probably would have eaten that too.
















This is Coach and I at Christmas, just six weeks before Middle was born. No food in this picture, but I am almost positive I had eaten my fair share of Christmas goodies.
















This is me shortly before having Little. I don't know what I was thinking. It seems as if I gained the least amount of weight with this child and I don't know why I didn't go all out. The body was already a done deal by this point.

















I closed my eyes and God showed me these images. I know what he is saying too. I am exactly what He meant for me to be. I could use to some "fine tuning" (in my best southern accent) for sure. And I am sure that God wants me to be healthy. But more than anything...He has a plan for my life. A plan including three wonderful (stretching it) boys and a few stretch marks.

I don't hate my body so much anymore.

Have a good one all!
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