In reading this devotional this morning, I felt like I might have been reading something that I had written myself. The author tells about how she accepted Christ into her heart when she was only 10 years old. She came home and made the commitment that night to love Jesus forever by baptising herself in the tub. (So something my almost nine year old would consider doing) Of course her parents made her do the "for real" baptism at church, but she thought enough to cleanse her sins the night she made such a very important promise to God.
As she became an adult, friends started to question her faith. And she didn't have all the right answers.
People...I have SO been there.
The book said she believed because she'd always believed and she'd always been told to believe. So she just did.
Yep...as if I wrote the words myself.
I don't know how many times I have said to people in a heated argument about faith...
"I just believe".
It doesn't hold up well in an argument, but I know it in my heart. I just do. I always just have. I am not the kind of person that needs proof. (However...after reading Heaven is for Real...I sure don't mind a little proof every now and again). I just believe what the bible is telling me. Not only that, I believe the times that Jesus has intervened on my behalf. I believe in the miracles I have witnessed. I believe in seeing people walk through the valley and return to the mountain top.
"I just believe".
I was saved when I was 13 at an FCA camp. I was in the 7th grade. And I was moved...(I know this will surprise you) by music. Enough to say what I know now to be translated into...
Take me now Jesus! I am yours! I accept you into my heart and want you present in my life!
Now don't think for a second that I haven't questioned that before. How at 13, did I know that I wanted Jesus to be my Lord and Savior? And why is it that if I made that choice at such an early age...did I mess up so many times as a teenager and young adult? Why if He was in my heart...did I fall short nearly every single day?
Oh wait....He is in my heart now...and I fall short. 20 years later...and I still love Jesus. He lives in me. That doesn't make me exempt from messing up. It just means that I have to be held accountable. Ugh.
But I have been confused. As PR said in church last week...sometimes we just don't get it. And I have moments when I really don't get it at all.
Being confused can bring us closer to God as it forces us to be more intentional about our relationship with others through Christ. It causes us to look into the things that cause us to wonder. We look further into the bible to find answers. We spend more time in prayer talking to Jesus. We make more conscious decisions based on what Jesus would want us to do.
Being confused in our faith is a good thing. As far as I am concerned, we'll not have all the answers until we walk through the pearly gates. But Jesus loves us...this I know. And that is something I've believed since I was 13.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
3 comments:
I'm not sure being "confused" in our faith is a good thing. It's pretty hard to lead someone to Jesus if we are confused. However, not understanding is a little different and is a reality. People can relate to those who acknowledge they don't understand it all. Confusion however..? We can be clear in our lack of understanding without being confused. No, we don't have all the answers which is why we "trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding". That I understand.
Bless you - keep on keepin on in Jesus!
Love it, Amyloo! Sometimes I've let my human-ness, my mistakes be my excuse. He doesn't care what excuse I have, no matter how many ways I try to rationalize behavior. He keeps asking the same of me no matter what. So while I bobble around thinking I know what He's thinking, in reality faith is faith is faith. It doesn't move no matter how much I do. It's the rock to which I cling amidst the bobbling. ;)
Thanks for being such a great sport - you're a blessing! (Even if confused - ha)
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