Did I say something wrong?

Last night, coach and I decided to take the boys to dinner and to do some shopping.  We don't do that very often with our ball game schedule so it was kind of a nice getaway for our little family.  We stopped at the mall for some new sunglasses for Coach and to get my wedding ring cleaned.  I can't actually remember the last time I had that done and it looks beautiful.  Of course, the person working added that after 12 years I deserved another diamond band and at least a bigger center diamond.  I agreed...Coach did not.  Oh well...worth a shot.  After our short trip to the mall, we ended up at Dicks Sporting Goods looking for some 'slide' shoes for Brett.  Those would be the flip flops without the "toe thing" in the middle.  He is very particular and didn't like that one bit.  After that we hit Cheddar's for dinner and then headed home.  On our way up to Wichita, I received a text from my friend Stephanie letting me know that Kjerstin had opened her eyes.  Coach and I talked about the excitement the family must be feeling and that we didn't know what to think.  Medically, there is so much negativity.  But somehow (with God) she is defying the odds.  And it confuses me.  In reading this book that I have mentioned the last few days, I am learning how God helps people cope in times of grief and sorrow.  The story itself is so sad...yet the meaning behind what this family learned is amazing.

After Stephanie and I texted a few times, I just broke down into tears.  Coach said..."Did I say something wrong?"  I replied, "No...I am just frustrated."  I was so confused at that very moment and just kind of lost it for a few seconds.  Not for long, because I didn't want the boys to think something was wrong.  I just let my emotions get the best of me.  I needed for God to see that I just don't understand.  Why do some families have peace and others have sorrow?  Why do some families have their loved ones spared while others grieve the loss of someone so near and dear to their hearts?  And then I get upset with myself because I feel like I have a pretty good grip on my faith...and then I have those moments.  When the tears well up and I just want answers.  Answers that I know I won't get here on earth.  It isn't about the loss...it is about the hurt.  I don't know Kjerstin at all...but I know and love her family.  Their hurt weighs heavy on my heart and I just would like to have something more to give. 

And then I am gently reminded that peace is not mine to give.  It is His.  And He will give them peace. 

Philippians 4:4-7

4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your heart.

After reading that verse...I was again at peace with God.  The decisions He is making.  The path He is choosing for those around me.  I cannot change it.  I cannot make it better.  But I can pray and trust and love...in His name.  And I know that the peace that surrounds these people...that I cannot understand...is brought forth by Him.

Have a Blessed Day.
Amy