Perspective

How do you measure success?

This year, I have given myself many different tasks...to finish.  And if I had to sum up my new year's resolutions into one...it would be to finish my tasks.

I realize it is day four people...but I have a lot to fix this year.

I am not unhappy with my life in the slightest.  (that is a lie)
I am very happy with the way things are going and wouldn't change a thing.  (that is also a lie)
However, in the event that I would change something...I was wondering how I would measure my success.

I can measure a few resolutions in inches and pounds lost. (I hope)
I can measure another resolution in dollars saved.
I can measure one resolution in how infrequently I burn dinner and feed my family a "good" meal.
I can measure another resolution by how many books I finish reading.
I can measure one by pennies in my not saying damn it jar. (lovely)

You see?
How do you measure success?  And how do you avoid failure?  Sure, sure...things are good right now.  I am cooking dinner and have read Ree Drummond's book.  I am drinking lots of water and even forced myself out of bed this morning to...dare I say it...run.  I am re-vamping our budget and doing a load of laundry every day. 

But...

Life happens.  We all know it.  I feel like I am waiting for the ball to drop.  Or is it shoe?  Whatever...I am waiting to fail.

As I sat here today sipping on my baby diet Pepsi can...I decided I needed to add one more thing to my list.

I need to change my attitude about all of these changes. 
Today's verse on www.biblegateway.com was from Micah.

“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8 NIV

What is ironic about this verse is that the new song from Casting Crowns called courageous has this little bit of the verse in the end of the song.

Seek justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly with your God

I LOVE it.

Yes!  I get it.  I need to be courageous enough to succeed.  I think failing is easy.  At least it has always seemed that way. 

So this year...I will be courageous enough to succeed at these things I want to change about myself. 

Am I going to get up and run every day?  WHO do you think I am?
Am I going to give up pop completely?  Probably not.
Am I going to become this super organized Mom with a clean car and scheduled dinners?  Nope.
Am I going to be able to cook home cooked meals without burning something?  Fingers crossed. 

But I know no matter what...I will be loved by God.  Successes or failures...He loves me still.  Thank GOODNESS.  Now if only I could convince my children to love me when the smoke alarm is sounding as a dinner bell.  :)

Blessings!
Referee of 3

2011

This just in...

2011 is almost over.

WHAT?

Where did the time go?

I can't believe this. 

I am not a very patient person.  All of these years, I thought I had the patience of Job.  As it turns out, I could use more patience.  So...in the event of the new year, I'd like to say I'll try to be more patient.  I will also try not to use the words Damn it when trying to make someone understand that I mean business.  Yes...I cussed...on my blog.  I apologize to anyone who might be offended, but it is the truth.

Okay...this would be much better in list form.

In 2012, I will try to...

• Be more patient.
• Not say Damn it...instead say...I REALLY mean it.
• Worry less
• Remember more
• Take care of my hands
• Cook like the Pioneer Woman...or at least purchase her cookbook
• Be a better and more attentive wife
• Make lists (in an attempt to remember more)
• Let go of things in life that upset me (in an attempt to worry less)
• Be smarter with our money
• Be courageous enough to be honest
• Exercise...in an attempt to eat less cookie dough
• Make my loved ones feel as important as they are to me
• Clean one room each day
• Give more
• Stress less
• Finish what I start...in an attempt to give more and stress less

My list could go on and on. 

This year has brought me great changes and even greater rewards.  My friends and family have taught me so much about who I am and what I could be.  I am so grateful for all of the great moments of 2011 and even more grateful for the bitter moments.  For it is in those very moments, that we learn to shine.  And I LOVE to shine.  I love sparkly things...which is why I struggle to understand why I have three boys. 

So here's to 2012! 
May it bring to you everything you want and more.

Referee of 3

Fan club

I used to be in a fan club.  In my mind, I was the number one fan.  The only one that mattered.  I knew all the words to all of their songs.  I had the posters, the key chains, the buttons on my white washed jean jacket.  I wore t-shirts and earrings to support their efforts.  I was a true fan.  I had a certified letter stating that I was in the fan club.  I would tear the posters out of the magazines and thumb tack them to my wall...even when I was told not to.  Okay...I was a rebel, but within reason.  I was only allowed to thumb tack things to the wall in my closet.  But I SO did.

New Kids On The Block.

They were kind of my everything.  I loved them all.  And I just knew I would marry Joey. 

As it turns out...I didn't.

But you get what I am saying...right?

A fan.  I was a fan.  I loved their music, their gorgeous, curly mullets, and their high notes.  Their dance moves were "hot" and their videos were the greatest.  I am pretty sure I have one whole album of videos on VHS.  Be jealous.

On facebook the other day, I ran across a picture post that said this...

I don't have a problem with God.
It's his fan club I don't like.

Yep.  It stung a little bit.  Let me tell you why. 

It is so hard as a christian to find the right balance of inviting people to be a part of something you feel is so special, and pushing.  I never want to seem pushy.  I never want anyone to think that religion and faith are something that can be force fed.  In fact...to me, religion and faith are two totally different things.

I am not a person that knows every verse in the bible. 
I am not one that has lived a perfect life.
I am not one that would profess that with this "faith" you'll have happiness and nothing else.

With faith comes hardship.  With hardship in faith comes the promise.  The promise that God will never leave you or forsake you.  Not a promise that nothing bad will ever happen to you.  We learned in church just a few weeks ago that blessings don't always mean that.  Mary was blessed by God to be the mother of Jesus.  Can you imagine the pain that came with that blessing?  As a mother...I can hardly stand to think of how hard it was to be the earthly mother of Jesus.  Watching him suffer the way that she did.  She was blessed beyond measure to be his mother.  But that blessing did not come without pain.  It came with the promise that God would never leave her, nor forsake her.

I am one that has a few verses that mean everything to me in the world. 
I am one that desires to know more about the bible, but fails to make it a priority in my life.
I am one that wishes I had it all figured out, but day after day, tends to fall short.
I am one that knows that I know that I know...that faith is what gives me a peace that passes all understanding.

At the end of the day, I have been raised to have faith in God.  I have learned to rely on that faith more than anything I could imagine.  God was there when I married Coach.  God was there when each of my children came into my life.  God was there when I sat and watched a friend lose her daughter in a sudden accident.  He was there.  In the midst of the pain.  In the midst of the suffering.  In the midst of the joy.  And there is and was an unmistakable peace that went beyond my understanding.  That to me is faith.  Something totally different than religion.

For those who don't believe...I don't judge that at all.  I don't completely understand it, but I don't judge it.  If I did, I would be completely misunderstanding what it is God wants from us.

What I want for people to know is that God is love.  And that love is the single thing that holds me together on bad days.  That love is the thing that motivates me to seek forgiveness.  That love is the thing that inspires me to want to be a part of aspects in life where I can help.  That love is what brought me my husband.  That love is what fills my heart with the smiles on my boys' faces.  That love is my family. That love is what holds together true friendships in my life. 

I am a part of His fan club.  And I am proud to be.  I hope that in being a certified member, I can remember to invite without pushing.  I hope that I can encourage without intimidating.  I hope that I can live without judging and love without fearing.

If you would like to become a member, I know a pretty cool pastor that could chat with you about it. 

Have a blessed day!

Referee of 3

Mommy Knows Best...or does she????

Well if you asked Middle if Mommy knew best this week...his answer would be a quick No.  Middle brought home an assignment and we had quite a time finishing this task.  The assignment was to follow directions...(my immediate failure) and draw specific designs in the squares of the grid to create a mystery picture.

Each small square was designed to make a Big Picture. 

What happened next was unfortunate. 

Middle worked and worked on this assignment.  He wasn't feeling well and time was slipping away.  As it grew later and later, I sat down and decided to help Middle finish.

I started doing what I thought was right.  He colored and I colored.  We talked...we laughed...and we got close to finishing.

Middle looked closely at the picture and said, "Mom...I don't think this is right."  "Of course it is", I replied..."we just have to finish to see the picture."  "No Mom...it isn't right."  I say, "Middle, I am 34 and you are 9...I think I know what I am doing here.  Why don't you go to bed and we'll finish in the morning." 

Clearly, the more I looked, the more I realized he was so right.  I had completely and totally messed this up for the child.  I mean...beyond repair.

The next morning, I woke Middle and apologized.  I told him I would beg his teacher for another night to finish and we'd get it right.

Sure enough...Mrs. Cline...our wonderful teacher and friend, allowed us just one more day to finish the task.  I do believe she laughed a bit when she saw my rendition (if you will) of the mystery picture. 

Later that night, we sat down and started again.  This time I let Middle read the directions and I followed his lead. 

You'll never guess what happened.

Tanner finished his assignment.  We call it Santa on a Rooftop.

And I created Art.  Art for me is what happens when I don't follow directions.  Like that angel food cake last year...that was art.

Being 34 didn't make me any smarter than my 9 year old when I tried to do things without guidance.  Life lessons tend to happen A LOT around here. 

Have a blessed day!

Referee of 3



It's Okay

Today...for no reason at all...I felt the need to make another It's Okay list.  So here you have it. 

It's OK, December 2011

1. It's OK to cry when your kids realize things aren't always what they seem at Christmas time.  Children grow...and the important thing to understand is that the true meaning of Christmas can never be "spoiled".  It is also OK to love your elf.  I do!  :)
2. It's OK to admit at the age of 34 that you don't have life completely together.  I know I have admitted this to you all several times...but just here recently, I admitted it to myself.
3. It's OK to wear black and brown together.  I don't get it.  It looks super cute.  So why after all of these years, have we avoided this trend and judged people for combining the two?  Black and Brown are so good together! 
4. It's OK to do something for someone else...for NO reason at all.  You do it because you can.  You do it because perhaps you've been without before.  You do it to alleviate stress.  You do it because it fills a void.  Maybe it is in your heart.  Maybe it is in the hearts of others.  But...know that you know that you know...that it is okay. 
5. It's OK to send your Christmas cards closer to Christmas.  Or even make them New Year's cards.  People will understand.
6. It's OK to wrap all your presents in the same paper.  It is also okay to change it up.  And for my dear, sweet sister...it's okay to wrap your presents entirely in bags with tissue paper.  Again...people will understand.
7. It's OK to let things go...finally.  You handle your stress in the best way that you know how...and you let it go.  Thank goodness for letting things go.  Sometimes letting God have your stress is the best gift you could give yourself. 
8. It's OK to be grateful. 
9. It's OK to snack all day long.
10. It's OK to say that you have some of the kindest, most generous, and most caring people in your lives and that you are blessed by that.  I am amazed at the goodness of others.  Simply amazed. 
11. And finally, it's OK to make your own it's OK list whenever you want.  Make your own sometime.  You'll be amazed at how okay you feel when you are finished. 

The Diet Dr. Pepper

Sister and I were working away on some Christmas items on the computer when it was time to pick up our take out dinner we had ordered. 

"I'll go.", says Coach.

"No...you'll screw it up.", I said.

It's one of those comments that just slips out.  You don't mean to say it even though you may or may not be thinking it. 

"I mean...ugh...you go.  It will be fine."

So I hand him the list of things we've ordered and what to get the kids.  I also added a list of drinks.  Two diet cokes and ONE diet Dr. Pepper.  For me.  Because I am high maintenance and get headaches when I drink diet Coke. 

You'll never guess what happens next. 

Coach got me diet Coke.  It was somewhat like an out of body experience, but I really let him have it. 

Long story short...the only argument I could come up with was that it wasn't really about the drink.  Remember the argument in White Men Can't Jump?  When the girlfriend says she's thirsty and he gives her a drink of water?  And she freaks out?  This is very similar.  If I can remember correctly...the actress wanted her boyfriend to sympathize with her for being thirsty...not just get her a drink.  This is a perfect example of man brain vs. woman brain. 

It wasn't about the drink.  It was about the fact that he didn't pay attention to the detail.  The detail I put on the paper.  The detail that diet Coke gives me headaches. 

And I berated him.  BIG TIME.  For that?  Yes...shamefully so. 

Now before you get all mad at me...I apologized.  Coach wasn't quite ready to forgive me.  Which was fine.  (not really, but for the sake of saving face on my blog...it was fine)

But this morning in church...his wounds still fresh...our video lesson in Sunday School said these words...

Joseph had the right to be angry.  (Referring to the fact that Mary was with child BEFORE they were married...by someone other than him)  But he showed her mercy...instead.

Instead of yelling and screaming.
Instead of saying mean things.
Instead of making her feel worse than I can imagine she already felt. 
Instead of insulting her intelligence and her character.
Instead of turning his back on her.

He showed her mercy instead.

I am telling you what...there are times in this life when I feel like I am getting up after a fall more than I am walking.  Apparently, I fall down a lot.  Still living...still loving...and still learning every step of the way.

So...the next time someone makes a mistake...on purpose...or accidentally...show them mercy instead.

Have a blessed week!
Referee of 3

Confession

I have a confession to make.

I cried on the way to class tonight. 

I know what you are thinking?

You?  Cry???  Noooooo...surely not.

I know...I know.  How can someone who has it so completely together get emotional when nothing is really wrong?

Well first of all...I am nowhere near together.  To be honest with you, I don't even know what is clean and dirty in this house anymore.  If I could find my counter tops in the kitchen, I'd wipe them down.  If I knew when the laundry was last shifted from the washer to the dryer, I might fluff them again...just to make myself feel better.  I love to load the dishwasher and run it.  But I couldn't tell you at what point I did that this week.  I just know that the dishwasher is full of clean dishes.  We just pull from it instead of unloading it like we used to.  I mean...who has time?  Certainly not me. 

So...I cried on the way to class.  Why you ask?  Well because.  I am overwhelmed and so confused.  I gave up college 12 years ago because I had a baby.  I sacrificed my education for that child.  I gave it all up for the little guy who captured my heart when I was just 21 years old.  And here I am...12 years later...sacrificing my kids for my education.  I've gone back to college.  Several things contribute to the fact that I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. 

1.  I am working outside the home for the first time since Middle was born.  Almost ten years ago.

2.  My children are growing faster than I can keep up.  I was talking to Big last night and he is almost eye level.  Almost.  I am short...but really? 
3.  I am back in college.  I am a student.  I was never a very good student.  And here I am...a grown adult, trying to be a student again.  I am still not great, but it means more to me now than it did then. 
4.  We are out of cookie dough.  I repeat.  We are OUT of cookie dough. 

You see?  So many things are weighing on me right now.  I had to go to class tonight.  The absolute LAST place I wanted to be.  It is cold.  My house is...well...my house.  It is crazy and messy.  It is sort of decorated...I think.  The laundry is piled high.  And Coach was coaching.  So my Big had to watch my Middle and my Little while I left them to go to college.  Do you see why this made me cry? 

All I've done for the past 12 years is be a Mom.  And I was quite fine with doing just that.  Then all of a sudden, my children started growing and I realized...I will always be a Mom.  But I have to be something more than that.  I need to do this for myself.  Do you see that?  For mySELF.  I feel selfish.  I walked out the door tonight leaving all of the things that mean the most to me behind...and went to school. 

Overwhelmed and emotional...I cried.

And then...I had a great night at class.  Two and a half hours later, here I sit.  Back in my house.  My kids are fine.  Coach is home.  I found my counters...picked up the living room and am having a bit of a peppermint mocha before bed.  All that worry and all those tears for nothing. 

If only I would have given it to Him.  So quickly I forget that He is taking on my problems.  Maybe I'll remember tomorrow.  And maybe...tomorrow...I'll go buy more cookie dough.  A back up plan never hurts people. 

Referee of 3