Little is a bit of a challenge in this department. Since he was able to speak, he has had some anxiety. Knowing this, I knew I wouldn't be able to read this book to him on the night before Kindergarten. I knew my emotions were running high and my control was low. I didn't want to freak him out completely so we opted for a new, upbeat book called Kindergarten, Here I Come.
Yesterday morning he hopped out of bed, had breakfast, and was ready to go on time. He seemed excited. I was glad to see his enthusiasm as we got in the car and headed for the school. We walked in and got all the way to the doors of the gym before he stopped. I felt his hand tug on my arm and I looked back to see him shaking his head back and forth. It was very muted, but I could hear what he was saying loud and clear.
"I am NOT going in there. Don't make me go in there."
In my heart I was saying...Okay little guy...I won't! You don't have to go!
Somehow, out of my mouth, came the words...
"You have to go and you'll be fine! Let's go find a friend!"
From that point on, my tears were RIGHT there. I knew if he lost it, I would too. He was very brave and went to find his friend. After a few minutes of prying his fingers from my hand, I was able to walk away. One of the teachers saw me walking out and gave me a smile. She then said, "Oh Mom...today is the first day of the rest of his life!"
I didn't know whether to smile, cry, or run like a mad person out of the school. You'll never guess what happened next.
I cried. Then I ran out of the school. (I didn't actually run...but in my mind I was sprinting.)
I avoided eye contact with all people until I got to the van. Then I unleashed the tears that had been building up since Little shook his head.
This is a child that was not in my master plan. This is a child that I have been joking about going to Kindergarten since he was two years old. This is a child that needs to be in school and needs to be around children his own age more than even I can understand.
But this...is my baby. Almost six years ago, I was finishing up a nursery I had never intended to have. I was having a baby shower holding new baby things. Coach was putting together a new high chair because just a year before we had drug ours to the street for the trash man to pick up. I remember we both did a little happy dance when we got rid of the baby stuff the first time. We were ready to move on to the next phase in our lives.
And then came Little.
He is sweet, caring, and hilarious. He is strong willed, anxious, and a bit of a handful from time to time. He loves sports, the color green, his dog that doesn't love him back, and has a vocabulary like no one's business. I always tell people that when we were finishing up paperwork for his preschool last year, the last question said this.
Name your child's biggest strengths.
I wrote that he had a very big and mature vocabulary. Which he does and has since he was very small.
The next question was Name your child's biggest weakness.
My answer was that he had a very big and mature vocabulary.
Little has been one of the brightest stars in my life. He surprised us all in ways we never thought possible. And I know he'll do the same for others as he moves through school. Don't get me wrong...that child can wear a Momma out. But we love him so much. Letting go was so hard, but he had a GREAT day. He is excited to return to school, and I no longer have to worry about facing the first day of Kindergarten.
We did it.
He did it.
I did it.
Why does being a Mom have to be soooo ridiculously hard sometimes?
THANK GOODNESS...for cookie dough.
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