The dropping of the ball

Life is insanely crazy right now.

I can't even begin to tell you how or why. 

Each day, I am getting up, getting ready, going to work, coming home, driving to practice, grabbing dinner, studying, and going to bed.

I am and have been a member of a bunco group for several years.  This month was my month to host.  Of course.  I wanted to be Pioneer Womanish and make something really fabulous.  I wanted my house to look super great and to have the women ooooh and ahhhh over how well put together my life appears. 

Instead...we had pizza, bagged salad, and store bought cake.  Coach and my sister helped me clean the house (bless their hearts) and my mom and sister had to get to my house early to set everything out so I could attend some of confirmation in which I have been attending for 9 weeks.  I am a mentor for a very special girl in our church and am glad to do it.  I am quite certain I have been learning as much, if not more, than she has. 

I am also scheduled to take a very important test for my teaching degree tomorrow morning.  I have been studying and studying.  I have been taking pretests and quizzing myself on what I think I know...remember...or can fake about Algebra and Geometry. 

In the same week, Big finished his last season of basketball at the YMCA before he starts school organized sports and Little started soccer.  I want to vomit.  My baby is going to be playing 7th grade basketball next year.  My Coach has been coaching middle school basketball since Big was born.  Now he is Big.  I cannot tell you how much this frightens me.  In dealing with my Big being big, my Little started his very first soccer practice.  I sat at practice and realized that for the first time in five years...I was sitting at a practice not worrying about where Little was.  He is what we like to call "slippery".  Since he could walk, he would just slip away.  I would try to be attentive to what Big or Middle was doing at practice, but would be chasing Little around the car or through another baseball field.  All of a sudden...as I overhear the coach tell Little that the shin guards go UNDER the socks...(how did I forget that?)...I realized that I was alone.  I was not in charge of anyone.  I could sit and watch and not be distracted.  I have been wishing for this for so long.  And all of a sudden, I have it.  And I hate it.

I want someone to be asking me for food, or drinks.  I need someone to drag their sticky hands through my windblown hair.  I need things to stay the same. 

Why can't things just stay the same?

I was happy being the mother of toddlers.  I was happy not going to school or remembering algebra or probability.  I was happy not being on strict deadlines and worrying simply about when I was going to get the laundry done.  I was happy...right?  Or was I?  Why is it that when the going get tough...we always remember the past as if it were perfect?  If it had been perfect, why on earth would I have tried to change things?  It wasn't perfect at all.  And it was time for change. 

I feel a little like I am juggling.  And all of the balls are glass.  And I am a terrible juggler. 

What I have to remember, is that the balls are not going to break.  And that even if one falls, it will not hit the ground.  Even when earlthy things or people try to distract us from our juggling act...God is there to grab the balls that are falling. 

What does God give you?  He gives me peace.  He gives me people to help me deal with the changes in my life.  He gives me hope.  He gives me a safety net for all the balls that drop.  Annnnnddddd...

he gives me cookie dough.  :)


Have a blessed day!
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