In comparison...

What do you compare yourself to?  Or should I say who?  I have many moments of weakness when I find myself comparing my life to the lives of others around me. 

Coach and I were talking the other morning about a coach that was the topic of ESPN radio for wrecking a motorcycle with a 25 year old young woman on the back.  The young woman happened to be an employee of his and a former student of the university.  I am not speculating as to what their relationship was based on...but what I do know is that the man is married...with children. 

I asked Coach...what would a married man with children see in a 25 year old ex volleyball player? 

Stupid question...I know.

I know what a married man would see in a 25 year old ex volleyball player/employee.  What I don't know is how the physical image of a young woman overshadows the life and commitment of a marriage and family. 

As a married mother of three...I start looking myself in the mirror.  Not that I think Coach would leave me for anyone...but...what would a 25 year old ex volleyball player have on me?  In society's view of attractive...

height (no doubt)
toned muscles (that is a given)
a waistline (what does that even look like?)
smooth skin (no comment)
stamina for life (in comparison to exhaustion)
a life without complication of children...mortgage payments...grocery and gas prices...health issues...etc. 
Okay...so a 25 year old ex-athlete might have a few things that would attract a married man.

But...what I have to give is so much more.  I can give...

love
understanding
compassion
my cooking (questionable, but the attempt is there)
commitment
time (whatever I have left after a day with our children)
intent (this is for the exercise portion of this post...the intent is totally there and should count for something)

My point...if I can find one...is that there is more than meets the eye to a committed relationship.  In comparison physically, I have not a lot to offer.  I have had children and am raising those children.  They come first in every sense of the word.  I can offer my friendship...my love...my understanding...and the commitment I made so many years ago.  If that isn't worth more than a good body, I don't know what is. 

I should not stare at myself in the mirror with disappointment even though there are days when I do.  I should not try to compare myself with women who haven't lived the life I have lived.  Each one of us is different and has so much to offer.  Living in comparison isn't what God wants.  What he wants is for us to live as a reflection.  We reflect his love and his life...and we live. 

My goal is to compare less...and live more. 

Have a blessed day! <3
Referee of 3

Easter Recap...Baseball...and the friendship that could have been

Easter was wonderful.  That is pretty much all I can say about our day with family, friends, fellowship, and each other.  Church was so great...and you knew that you knew that you knew...that God was in the house!  Loved it.  Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice...we are not worthy.  All in all, Easter was wonderful.

Except for the small detail of me burning the cinnamon rolls.  I got up early to make said cinnamon rolls, eggs, and bacon for my little Easter bunnies and I burnt the rolls.  How you ask?  Not sure.  Perhaps the oven was set too high?  Perhaps the pan was in the wrong position in the oven?  Perhaps the Swedish chef wasn't paying attention when the beeping of the oven happened.  Who knows.  What I do know is that my bunnies had scrambled eggs, bacon, and a side of chocolate rabbit.  (Just kidding...or am I?)

I was a bit offended when my Mom called earlier in the week and asked if I'd like to get the rolls or make the potatoes.  I (trying to make the joke a success for my Mom) jumped right on the rolls.  She laughed and said she'd handle the potatoes as she wanted them to get "done". One time...one time the potatoes were cold in the middle...and I get rolls.  Okay...there was the other time when the potatoes were Cajun style and then another when I used expired cheese, but didn't know it until the stench of the potatoes filled the whole house.  (Yes my friends...that was at a dinner party with friends)  So, I have forever been deemed lady of the rolls.  Oh well.  I don't really have time to cook potatoes anyhow.

Baseball...Middle kicked off his season last night and had a great time with his friends.  Their team is really progressing and I can hardly feel my tongue from all the dill pickle seeds I ate.  Lovely.  Not only can I not taste anything, but my eyes will barely open from the sodium.  Self control has never been one of my strong suits.  Anyway, GREAT JOB WILDCATS and Middle.  We are all loving that our Easter pics didn't have a green cast in them this year.  And seeing him on the field without anything broken is a blessing.  LOVING IT.

The friendship that could have been.  I know Ree and I would be friends.  I just know it.  She's funny.  I'm funny. (sometimes)  She is an amazing photographer...my sister is an amazing photographer.  She is a fabulous cook....I want to be.  See?  We have so much in common!  She lives on a ranch.  I live in a zoo.  It just keeps happening.  The similarities are uncanny.  Her book signing is this Thursday.  I've been waiting and waiting to meet her and see how great we are together.  And then it happens.  I opened up my fifty pound planner to April 12th...only to see we have five things scheduled.  Tears filled my eyes. Mascara drips down my face.  My hair blowing in the wind as I shout..."Why God...WHY?"  Was that dramatic enough?  Really, I just said dang it and decided to eat some chocolate to calm my nerves.  How...can I justify missing something of my children's to meet an author that I adore?  I can't.  I have to be where I have to be.  But...if we had met...I know we would have been great together.  Until next time Pioneer Woman.  We'll meet...someday.  But for now, I must be the Mom that I know I can be...dramatic...I know. 

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

Lead Me to the Cross

We are so close to Easter.  And here I sit.  Wondering how it is I can turn off all that is happening in my mind and focus on the cross.  I know what I am supposed to do.  I have known that for a long time.  God first, family second, then comes everything else. 

But the everything else just keeps creeping in.  Making me worry.  Making me stress.  Making me feel like a whirlwind out of control. 

I am told to be still.  And know that He is God.  I do.  But I can't help but wonder about the rest of the "stuff" of life. 

“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 NIV (www.biblegateway.com)

I read this verse today and it made me realize what I should be doing to prepare my heart for the weekend.  I need to take all of the things that are keeping me from being in the right mind, and lay them at the foot of the cross.  This song has been playing in my mind all week and I finally looked it up.  As I read through the words, I realized what God was trying to say.

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

Rid me of myself.  I love that part.  Rid me of myself.  Of my selfishness.  Of my worries.  Of my stress.  Of my anger.  Of my hate. 
Bring me to my knees.  Help me to remember that I am best in this life when I glorify you through my actions, my thoughts and my words.  When this life gets to be too much, bring me to my knees Lord.
I belong to you.  I do.  I know I do.  I just get mixed up in all the "stuff" and forget how to allow your hand to lead me.
Lead me to the cross.  Lord, lead me in the next few days...to the cross.  Help me in getting my head right and my heart open to the sacrifice you made for us. 

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

Perspective in Dandelions

Last night, I sat in the back of my van watching Little's soccer practice.  The field was a little overgrown with dandelions that he loved to kick around and watch the pieces float through the air.  It was cool and overcast.  I thought it would rain at any given moment.  It was so peaceful outside and I was tucked away in the back of the van doing homework.  After I finished, I started writing the boys' schedules into my planner.  This always gives me heart palpitations as I realize how many schedules we're dealing with and how many things I might miss.  I started to tear up a few times just from looking at days when I couldn't handle everything.  It is silly the things I cry about...really.  But it is a natural reaction for me.  Some people are quick to anger.  Some people are quick to calm themselves.  I am quick to cry.  About almost everything.

When I got home last night, I sat down at the computer to check on a story I've been following for the past few days.  A friend of a friend.  This family actually had a failed adoption about a year ago that my sister and I had been following as well via their blog.  Once the story unraveled, and their daughter was taken away from them, I could hardly read another word.  I didn't understand the injustice or the pain that they experienced.  And if I didn't think about it, it wouldn't make me cry.  I know that God has been working in the lives of Matt and Molly since the last blog post they wrote regarding Waverly (their daughter), but they have persevered through a time that would bring anyone to their knees. 

Last weekend, Matt suffered a stroke, and the blog has been updated each day in regards to his condition.  It is heartbreaking.  Truly heartbreaking.  My heart hurts for those who are hurting and I cannot imagine what their family is going through.

It takes my simples stresses of baseball schedules and a messy kitchen to a whole new level.  I am blessed beyond measure with a husband and his health.  I am blessed beyond measure with my boys.  I am blessed beyond measure with our home, our cars, our jobs, our food, our health.  I just can't tell you enough how blessed this family is.  And yet...I hurt.  My heart hurts for this family who has been through so much.  So I ask that you join me in praying for Matt, Molly, and their little girl.  Please use this link to read their story and pray for them as they deal with yet another difficult time in their lives.
http://www.wavybel.blogspot.com/

I also ask that you be in prayer for my friends Lacie and Jordan Thome this week as they remember the day Kyrie went to be with Jesus.  It is a difficult time and I know they would appreciate any prayer support you can give.  Lots of wonderful things are happening with the Kyrie Foundation right now and I encourage you to read their story if you haven't already.
http://www.kyriethome.blogspot.com/

Lord, forgive me for being selfish.  Forgive me for thinking the little things in life are enough to bring me down.  They are not.  I am brought to my knees by Matt and Molly's struggles.  I am brought to my knees for Jordan and Lacie.  My heart is aching Lord for those who hurt.  Help me to remember your sacrifice, your love, and the dandelions.  Help me to see your almighty presence in the moments when I feel the most alone and wrap your loving arms around those who need you at this very moment.  Amen.

Time Bomb

Yesterday started out great.  We woke up...went for a walk...drank coffee and got ready for church.  Upon arriving to church, the stress started.  We walked into the service and there were people everywhere.  Which is a good thing...I realize.  But finding seats for five plus people was somewhat of a task. 

tick, tick, tick

We listened to a very powerful message, sang a song that I really love, and took communion.  In that moment, I began to feel the time bomb deactivating. 

We got home from church to find our air conditioner was not working.

tick, tick, tick

I got in the car to take Big over to a friend's house and prayed immediately that God would take control.  And then completely tried to control things in my own way.  I was supposed to go to the store while I was out, but I was so preoccupied by the pending financial burden of a new air conditioner, that I forgot to go.  We needed trash sacks and a few other things.  When I finally remembered to go to the store, I got everything on my list including a new filter for our air conditioner...but forgot trash bags.  Wretched trash bags.  I bought ziploc bags....that were right next to the trash bags....but, do you think this reminded me that we needed trash bags? 

Nope.

tick, tick, tick

I came home to find Coach had taken Little to Tball practice.  Rats.  Tball practice.  I wanted to take him myself!  His first Tball practice of the season...and I was at Target...forgetting trash bags. 

Lord, please settle my heart.  Please clear my mind.  Please help me hold my tongue.  And if it isn't too much trouble...please fix our air conditioner.

I realize that in the grand scheme of things, the ac going out is not high on the list.  But for me...it was a stresser/time bomb activator.  Now we all know God doesn't send Jesus out to fix air conditioning units.  But he does send Jesus out to fix our hearts.  I needed a heart fixing yesterday for sure.  And along came a friend's brother with some coolant for our unit.  The house was cool...it didn't cost much...and we were able to get through another day at Casa De Nelson without imploding.  Praise the Lord.

System deactivated.  Crisis averted.  Faith restored.  Attitude renewed. 

So thankful for the opportunity to look back and see how far we've come.  We as a family came a long way from 8am to 8pm.  And by Family I mean...Us...(The Nelson Five) and God. 

Have a blessed day~
Referee of 3

Compare and Contrast

In school, we have learned a great deal about the importance of comparing and contrasting.  Children need to know the difference.  As an example, I wanted to share a couple of photo's with you.  The first photo is of my sister and her darling children.  She has one boy and one girl.  They are as sweet as they can be and respond to direction quite well.  I am not saying they are perfect.  But they are well behaved and know what keeps their Momma happy. 

This picture was taken on our little trip to Tulsa.  The aquarium was so much fun and the kids really enjoyed the trip.  I thought it might be nice for us to capture the moment.  My first mistake is usually thinking.  My second mistake is generally acting on those thoughts.  Pictures don't lie.  In what we'll call exhibit A...Sister's darling children are smiling, looking at the camera, and it took one shot.  Her son is lovingly leaning in and her daughter is as close as she can be.  They love their Momma.  And more importantly, they love pleasing their Momma.

In what we'll lovingly refer to as Exhibit B, you'll notice the chaos happening in what I believe was the fifth picture taken of us.  Big is not and has never been a fan of pictures, Middle is trying desperately to be a part of the love and have his time to shine in the picture (he gets this from me) and Little is being...well...Little.  I am clearly weakened by the madness as I slouch over trying desperately to hang onto the slippery 3rd child we like to call...the unexpected blessing.  I am not saying that her kids are better than my kids.  But there are some differences going on here. ;)

Now...who would like to compare and contrast these pics?

Please...don't.  Growing up, my sister and I were very different.  We still are.  We are different in our parenting styles, our clothing choices, and even our tastes of food.  We both prefer different things.  But one thing always stays the same.  She is my sister and my best friend.  I love her and what appears to be her perfect picture.  She laughs at my chaos and I calm her through what she thinks is chaos in her life.  She always calms down when we play the compare your life to my life scenario.  Usually all I have to say is...do you want Little?  And she realizes her life isn't so hard.  Just kidding...kind of. 

Love you Sista!

Life

Hi all.  I realize the blog posts have become few and far between.  Not because I don't love writing.  Not because I can't think of things to say.  Simply because time does not allow for blog posting.  Let me rephrase that.  I am not allowing myself enough time in the day to blog.  I miss it.  I miss knowing that my morning blog post was the only real thing I had to get done beyond feeding my children and making it a scheduled practice on time. 

Self inflicted joyful, crazy, chaos.  That is what I call the life of a Nelson.   My poor children.  Well, really, they are fine.  I say poor, but what I really mean is blessed.  They have their health, their friends, their activities, a personal chef, a laundry do-er (this is Coach...don't let me fool you), a tutor, a taxi cab driver (I say taxi instead of limo because let's face it...the minivan isn't luxury), and they have me for a Mom.  I mean...seriously...who doesn't think that is great?  My three kids...that's who.

Little informed me that I need to go to church more because I say the bad word for crumby and the "d" word too much. 

Yes Little...you are probably correct in your thinking.  Da...rn it.  He is so right.

Middle informed me that I was unfair and not nice.  Okay...again, he might be right.  I've been under crazy deadlines lately and life has been a little difficult.  But Da...rn it, he hasn't exactly been a peach.  10 year olds can be quite mouthy.

Big informed me that the sprinkler was not actually a "real" dance move and that I could no longer try to be cool in front of his friends.  Excuse me, but I believe I am the image of cool.  Unless of course you don't think my minivan and denim jacket are components of cool.  And the sprinkler will always be a  "real" dance move.  I do it at every wedding I attend. 

Big's friend informed me that it is okay that I am not a good cook.  They get good food when they go to his house.  (insert fake smile here)

Whose expectations am I living up to anyway...theirs?  Mine?  Anyone's?

Does it matter? 

Life is about getting by.  Unless of course you want to enjoy life.  Then it is about making the most and the best of every situation you are in.  School...work...church...family time...baseball time...the quietness of early morning.  It is up to you how things are going to play out in your day.  Bad things happen, and overwhelming situations occur.  But we are well equipped to handle those things with God in our lives. 

I wonder if God likes my sprinkler?  Surely He does.  I've been doing it for like...20 years now.  It is near perfection. 

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3