Hope

Today was Jenny's funeral. 

There are not words to describe how I felt when I left that church.  And I think you had to be there to actually understand the feeling. 

Or I guess I should say feelings.

I left there today in tears.  As I drove away...tears ran down my face faster than I could wipe them.  I pulled into McDonalds to grab something to eat on the way home and could hardly gather myself to order...

My stomach was in knots.  My head hurt so bad from trying not to just fall apart at the front of the church.  I had the honor of singing at the funeral which is a blessing and a curse.  I am able to give a gift...even if it is the only thing I can give in a family's time of loss...that is from God.  For anyone who knows me...you know I cry.  I cry a lot.  I cry over anything that is even remotely touching...or sad...or even happy sometimes.  If you look at me nice enough...I might cry.  So singing at a funeral is a pretty big deal for me.  I have to hold it together long enough to get the song out...and then I can usually return to my seat and fall to pieces.  Except today...my seat happened to be at the front of the church. 

Jenny was a young Mother of two.  A 12 year old boy and a 9 year old girl.  Jenny was loved so deeply by her husband and her family.  Family that happens to include my friend Stephanie...who lost her own daughter only three years ago in a car accident.  That family has been through the valley. 

As I looked at those kids...crying...missing their Momma...I thought to myself...How will they go on?  How will their lives change?  What now?

I have not lost very many people that are close to me.  I have lost Great Grandparents (when I was too young to know what I had truly lost)...and my dear Grandma Katie (oh how I miss her).  I lost my Uncle suddenly a couple of years ago, which was very hard for our family to deal with.  For the most part, we have not had to deal with death.  But my husband has.  He lost his Dad when he was 19 years old.  And he has been gone for 16 years.  He knows first hand what that loss is like.  He knows what losing someone is like.  He is wise beyond his years in what it feels like to have to move forward without a parent.  And I thought of something...

Coach has had so much joy.

He has suffered an immeasurable loss in his life.  Life without his Dad has been hard.  Harder than anyone knows.  He has more moments than I can share when he misses him beyond what we can imagine.  And I am sure that when he left the church that day...people thought...What will they do without their Dad?  How will they go on?  What now?

Since the loss of his Dad...He and I met...fell in love...and married.  We have three wonderful sons.  He has a job that he is successful at and is proud to be a part of.  He has touched the lives of more students than I can count.  He has such good friends...and family that cares so much about him.  And he has strengthened his relationship with Christ.

He would give anything I would imagine to have his Dad back in his life.  But my point is this...

He had immeasurable pain when he lost his Dad.  But he has had joy.  He continues to live a life with many reasons to live.

And so will Jenny's family.  They will miss her tremendously.  The entire congregation will miss her tremendously.  But the beauty of today was that I realized...life does not end with death.  There is still joy to be had here on this earth.  For us...and for Jenny's family.  And Jenny is experiencing the joy that we all look forward to when we are called Home.  There is joy out there for all of us to experience if we have Christ in our hearts.  God doesn't just leave us here to suffer.  He leads us through the valley to find the Mountain Top. 

Thank you Lord for helping me see the glimmer of hope that was in today.  And give Jenny a hug from me.  She will be greatly missed. 

Referee of 3