Sticks and Stones

James 1:19-20


I can remember saying things like..."sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can  never hurt me."

As a child, I believed this when I shouted it across the playground.  As an adult, I know better.  Words can hurt.

Here lately, I've seen them hurt a lot.  And I just wanted to put out a little reminder.

We are all guilty of saying things that are less than kind.  We do the exact opposite of what this verse tells us to do.  We choose only to "listen" to bits and pieces of what is being told.  We are quick to speak and quick to anger.  We are quick to react and slow to forgive.  In these actions, we are doing the exact opposite of what we are to do in living as a reflection of Christ.

I was talking with a friend just the other day about how we are only responsible for ourselves.  We cannot control the actions of those around us.  We can only control ourselves and how we react and respond to sticks, stones, and words.  We can be quick to anger or we can be gracious and loving.  We can know that we know that we know...or we can show that we show that we show His love...His grace...and His mercy.

Sometimes this is easier said than done.  I want to react like no one's business when my feelings are hurt.  I want to correct those who give false information.  I am tempted to "unfriend" those who disagree or speak out of turn.

And then...as I'm talking with Coach this morning, he reads a tweet written by a student athlete of his...and it is this bible verse.

¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Words can hurt...yes they can...

But THE WORD can heal and restore.  So can a cup of coffee and blueberry french toast.  And today...they did.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

Just one of those days...

There are those days...

You are familiar with them, right?  Where everything and everyone seems to offend you in some way, shape, or form?

Well today was one of those days for me.  It started out fine, but just kept getting worse.  I posted on Facebook about a lady that yelled at me while I was chasing my dog down the street.  You can see from that sentence where this is going.

I was home doing yard work all day.  No one was here to upset me or offend me.  But from the end of school until now...I've been offended and down right ugly several times.  To several people.

I hate days like this.  To be honest, it started last night and I believe followed me right into today.  Hmph.  (insert arms crossed here)

I'm pretty sure if I took a poll of people I talked to today they would agree with my bad day attitude issue.  So I won't be taking any polls as I would find this offensive as well.

I could say it is because the bag of mulch I bought was not full and had been returned and taped shut and I didn't notice until I was loading the what seemed to 50 ton bag into my car.  I could say it is because I chased my dog down the street not once, but twice and was reminded by a kind woman about the importance of a leash.  I could say it is because my six year old chose not to listen more than I prefer.  I could say it was because Big broke Coach's weed eater which put Coach in a super swell mood.  I could say it is because I sat down to do our next few months schedules and it upset me how much "busy" we have on the calendar for summer.

Or...I could be honest and say it was simply a bad attitude.

Guilty.

As charged.

I wish at this point I had something inspirational and wonderful to say.  I wish I could write something uplifting and amazing.

I wish I had cookie dough and a cleaning fairy.  And one of Ree's (my good friend who doesn't know she's my friend) brownies.

What I know that I know that I know...is that God loves me even on these kinds of days.  He is probably shaking his head at me right now...but, he loves me anyway.  I do this with my Big from time to time.  I get it.

We all have these kinds of days.  And we all have the opportunity to forgive ourselves and move on towards a better and brighter tomorrow.

THANK GOODNESS.  Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

#SpeakingHisLanguage

This parenting thing is not for the weak.

I know this...because I am a parent.  Fortunately we haven't had too many issues with the kids thus far.

Please know I say this knowing full well...we'll have our fair share of issues.

I know this...because I was one of those kids with my fair share of issues growing up.

Sometimes, as my Big gets himself into "situations"...I worry.  I worry that he'll make a poor choice or that he'll face something that I won't be able to help him with.  I'm not sure why this bothers me as I was always in something that I had to learn from.  It was kind of my thing growing up.  Doing the right thing was second...trying the wrong way was always my first choice.  I could look back and be disappointed (and truthfully sometimes I do) or I can look back knowing I learned  A LOT from my decisions.

Big is 13.  His life is ahead of him and his choices are based on the mind of a 13 year old boy.  This is what scares me so.  He'll do something and I'll immediately ask him..."are you sure about that?"  In this day and age, when asking something face to face, he struggles to talk to me.  I think our kids are so used to communicating via technology and social media that they forget how to have a conversation.  I also think he is a 13 year old boy and he is a lot like his Dad in the "man of few words" category.

Sometimes when Big was little, I would sit on him to get him to do what I wanted.  Now I know what you are thinking, but please don't report me just yet.  I would sit on his legs to keep him from kicking and I would help him get his coat on.  Or I would sit on one leg while I tied one shoe.  Big was a bit of a challenge when he was in the 2 to 3 year old range.  I used to think we had a really bad kid.  As it turns out, all 2 to 3 year olds are naughty.  And if the truth were told, most mom's would admit to sitting on their child to tie their shoes.  In the same way I learned that all toddlers can be a pain, I've learned that all teenagers can also be pains.  I can no longer sit on Big to get him to do what I want as he is bigger than I am.  So I've had to learn to speak his language.

Last night, he and I were trying to communicate via text message about something rather important.  I wanted to get my point across and it wasn't happening.  Finally, it occurred to me that I needed back up.  I texted him this...

"...you should come back this way.  Let's go get ice cream and talk."

What happened next was nothing short of a miracle.  He agreed to go.  He hopped in the car and we talked all the way there.  We talked in the booth at Freddy's for a long time.  He told me things that he was struggling with and I tried to help him.  I loved every minute of our time together as it has gotten less and less as he has gotten bigger.  This kid used to go everywhere I went.  I would load him up and we'd take on the world.  (or at least the grocery store)  Now he is big and he needs me less and less...or so I thought.  From Freddy's we went to the grocery story and on our way out, he said this.

"...we should do this like once a week.  Just you and me Mom."

My eyes filled with tears, but I shook it off because I didn't want him to freak out and take it back.  I just said..."...yea...we should."

In trying to learn how to facebook, twitter, instagram, text, and Snapchat...I've learned that really, all it takes is a little one on one and some ice cream to get this kid to talk.

And I didn't even have to sit on him.

#SpeakingHisLanguage

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

Finish Line

There was this one time...when I was 13.

I decided I would go out for Track.  (stop laughing)  I did it because everyone else was doing it.  I can remember thinking...how hard can this be?

I practiced and practiced.  (I think I socialized more than I practiced if we are being real)  I was selected to run the hurdles.  Don't ask me to remember how far because I have no idea.  I don't recall the distance or how many hurdles there were.  What I do remember is this...

It was a sunny day in teenage America.  It was my first track meet and I was all dolled up in my green track shorts and tank.  I no doubt had a ponytail and matching bow as that is what mattered the most.  I may have even been wearing electric blue mascara.  Who knows.  I remember I was wearing spikes and I had green and white rubber bands on my braces to match my outfit.  If I was anything...I was matching.  (except of course for the electric blue mascara)  Flash forward to the race.  I was called to my lane for practice before the big race.  I was very nervous and probably not paying close enough attention to what I was doing.  As I ran, I felt like a deer.  I was able to clear the first hurdle with ease.  What happened next looked more like a grizzly bear than a deer.  I hit it with my foot and went down.  Hard.  I remember laying there thinking...what just happened?  As I got up, I noticed I was bleeding from my knee.  But I was determined to get to the finish line.  I got up and tried again...and then I fell again.  I did this several times...falling after each hurdle.  I was scraped and bruised and my electric blue mascara was running down my face.  After my fourth fall...I stopped.  Now mind you...this was practice.  This wasn't even the race.  I went over to practice with my relay team next...and you'll never guess what happened.  In the exchanging of the baton, I fell.  Again.  Oh heavens...it was awful.  And again...I'll remind you that this was practice.  I'll never forget what happened next...

My Mom came walking up as she had just arrived at the meet.  She looked at me with a look that I have seen more times than I would like in my 35 years.  It said this..."Oh Amy!"  She shook her head and offered me a hug.  She laughed through her own tears as she said..."maybe track isn't for you."

She was right.  Track wasn't for me.  Neither was softball...volleyball...and foreign language.  I have tried many things in my life that "didn't work out."  We all know this from reading my cooking blogs.  What I didn't do that year, was quit.  I stuck it out.  I obviously didn't run anything that day, but the next meet, I tried again.  I think I even made it through one race clearing all of the hurdles.  Which  means this.

I finished.

Where is she going with this?

Okay...I'm getting there.  There have been many times in my life when I have started something that I never finished.  It is a bad habit that I've been trying to break.  When I married Coach and got pregnant with Big...going to school became less important.  I wanted to be a wife and a Mommy.  I wanted to stay home and take care of my family.  Going to school on top of that made it very difficult for me to focus on what was important in my life.  After I quit college, I remember feeling so free.  I didn't have the burden of school work and time restraints anymore.  It was a great feeling.  Until I realized I didn't finish something important.  I set out to cross that finish line and I let the very first hurdle take me out of the race.

As life went on and our family grew, our schedules became crazy.  Time to finish became less and less.  But the want to finish became greater than it ever had.  I wanted to finish what I started and more importantly, I wanted to set an example for my boys who will become men.  There are so many things I want to leave behind for them, but if I can set an example on how to finish what you start...that is what I want to do.

I am no deer.  This has been a grizzly bear process for sure.  I have fallen and knocked over many hurdles.  I have also cleared hurdles I never thought I'd be able to get over.  And here we are...at the finish line.  Battle scars include the condition of my home, the friends who have been left in the dust as I finish school work, and my poor family when stressful times took over.

When I was 22...I decided college wasn't for me.  At 35, I've changed my tune a bit.  As I look back on all of the hurdles...both the ones standing and the ones that are laying on the ground, I'm proud of what this family has accomplished.

To my boys...

Boys...I want you to know something very important.

Not everything in life is for you.  But...life changes faster than we can keep up.  Just because something doesn't fit at one time doesn't mean it won't fit at another.  If it is important to you...you'll find a way.  Be kind.  Be considerate.  Be loving.  Be forgiving.  Be tolerant.  Be Christlike.  Be amazing at whatever you are.  And always...finish what you start.

I love you!

Referee of 3

Birds...

One of the hardest things about being a parent is explaining the reality of life and death to your children.  I can remember having to do this a few years ago when we lost our beloved Haley dog.  The boys were at school and she was very sick.  She didn't make it and I was a mess.  When they came home from school, Coach and I sat them down and explained that in this life...we live here on earth only for a little while.  When our lives here are finished, we get to go to heaven and live forever.  Even though the words are so amazing and the story is so true...it never gets easier to tell someone about death.  Each child dealt with the death of Haley in a different way, but they dealt with it and we moved forward.  I always say forward instead of moving on because I don't think life as we know it ever goes on without a loved one.  It simply moves forward.

Yesterday, we lost our Grandma.  Steve's Grandma...my Grandma...and the boys' Great Grandma.  She was a wonderful, loving woman.  She has been struggling for some time now and we knew it was coming.  She lived a full life and died at the age of 95.  She was a school teacher and loved her students.  She loved her daughter and her grandsons very much.  And they loved her...

Which made telling them about her passing even more difficult.  Again, the reality of being an adult and a parent came rushing in.  I love to live in a happy place.  I like to protect people from hurt and avoid confrontation.  In my happy place, sadness rarely comes, and life is good most of the time.  Anytime my happy place gets interrupted, I struggle.  Today, as we told our kids what had happened, I struggled.  We all struggled.

Even though she has lived a full life...

Even though we knew it was coming...

Even though she is with Jesus, and Grandpa, and all of her Brandy dogs...

It is painful.  It is painful to watch the ones you love hurting.

When I lost my Grandma Katie years ago, I remember how hard it was to move forward.  She was so special to me.  I remember thinking about her house, her smile, and her porch swing.  Whenever I think of her, I think of the porch swing.

In talking to Middle last night through the tears, I asked what he would remember about his Grandma.  He said "Birds...she loved birds."  And she did.  She loved them.  She loved to feed them and watch them from her window.  She loved playing the piano, her church, her home in Valley Center, and her family.

As a parent, we can't protect them from reality.  All we can do is soften the fall by being loving and understanding as they learn to deal with what is real and true.  And we can teach them the love of Jesus.  It is amazing how much comfort and peace you find knowing your loved one is with the Lord.  It helps return us to the happy place in which we live.

Prayers would be appreciated during this time.  Thank you!

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

Graceful

I saw this pin on Pinterest the other day that really made me stop and think.

In some ways I disagree with this statement, but in other ways...it makes perfect sense.  Little and I were driving to a ballgame the other night and he was singing his heart out to Taylor Swift's new song 22.  (I think that's what it is called...)  Anyway, he stopped in the middle of the song and said...

"Mom...why do some songs make sense and others don't?"

I laughed and then told him that some songs made more sense based on our life experiences.  Obviously he has no idea what it is like to be 22.  So this song wasn't making sense at all.  Ahhhhh....to be six again.

Anyway, my life experiences have taught me this.  It matters greatly how much you love.  In this life, we should love with all of our hearts.  Even when others don't always love us back.  That is a tough lesson to learn because if we give of ourselves and of our love, why wouldn't someone do the same in return?  The answer is a mystery.  And I would imagine God asks himself that very question daily...

I'm not sure about the "how gently you lived" part.  I say that because I'm not sure I've ever done anything gentle in my life.  I try very hard...but, gentle just isn't one of my better traits.  I would probably say how you lived, but that's just me.

And finally...the part that made me think...

"how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."

There have been many times in my life when my feelings have been hurt or when things or life didn't work out according to "my" plan.  I would imagine if I were being honest with myself and with you...I haven't always handled those situations with grace.

I have learned that it is much better to handle a situation with grace, than with anger and hate.  However...learning something is one thing.  Applying it to your life is quite another.   I'm still what you would call a "work in progress" with this one.

I just think it is a great way to look at life.  Instead of viewing something as a lost opportunity or something that "didn't work out"...see it as something that wasn't meant for you. (In that big master plan that isn't ours...)  Easier said than done, but it just might make those times in our lives easier to swallow.  When we handle the closed doors in our lives with grace we can look back and be proud of a life well lived.    

Food for thought.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

Find your Happy Place

There is a lot going on in the world right now.  There is a lot going on in our country right now.

So much sadness.

In my complete lack of understanding of how these things happen...I sit and I ponder.  I watch the news only for a while.  I can't stand what I see so I turn it off.  I see things on Facebook that I wish I hadn't scrolled through.

My heart is heavy and my mind is full of fear.

I read a post from a friend this morning that talked about how she feared for her newborn baby.  I can remember feeling this exact same way as I laid on the sonogram table on the morning of September 11th, 2001.  I was bringing a child...into this world as the world appeared to be falling apart.

There is nothing scarier than fearing for your child or someone you love more than you love yourself.

Fear very easily can take over your entire being.

And then...there is another place we can go...to help with that fear.  I know from experience...that bad things happen to good people.  I have no idea why.  I know from experience that life moves forward after tragedy. I've seen this up close and personal.  It doesn't make it easier and it doesn't take the fear away...but, it does happen.

Whenever I get to feeling like I feel right now...I force myself to go to what I childishly call my happy place.  I could stay and carry the weight of this heavy burden.  I could cry my eyes out and stand protectively over my children's beds at night.  I could walk around fearing what might happen next in this crazy world.

Or...I can let go and let God handle this.

And I can go to my happy place.  Thankfully in this world, there are many things that make me happy.  I thought I'd make a small list so you too can find your happy place.

1.  My husbands smile.
2.  Hearing my children laugh.
3.  A good talk with my Mom and Dad.
4.  That moment when I realize my sister and I are thinking the exact same thing...
5.  Time spent with my very best friends.
6.  Seeing someone involved in bettering the world
7.  Having an innocent conversation with my six year old.
8.  A good cup of coffee.
9.  When my 13 year old sits down RIGHT BESIDE me for no reason at all.
10.  Shopping for my boys with my mother in law.
11.  Watching my son's cheeks get red with embarrassment when I take a picture of he and his "girlfriend"
12.  A hug from just about anyone.  :)
13.  Memories of my sweet Grandma Katie and her porch swing.
14.  Memories of good times in my life...period.
15.  The quiet mornings before everyone is out of bed, rushing around for the day.

These are just a few examples...of my happy places.  We all have them.  We just forget to go there in all of the sadness and confusion.  This won't solve the world's problems.  This won't take away the sadness...but it helps us cope and gives us the strength to move forward...without as much fear.

Almost every morning this semester in my student teaching, we check agendas for a parent signature.  Each day as I am doing this I ask the students how they are and how their night or weekend was.  They always answer with either a standard "fine" or "good".  The other day, I had a training and was absent from the class.  The next day...before I could even ask how his day was, I had a student say this.

"How was your training Mrs. Nelson?"

I was so taken back that he took the time to ask me something like that...and so proud that he had taken the time to think of someone else.  That right there my friends...is a happy place.

I once read a book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff".  In which I totally agree.  Small things aren't worth losing sleep over.  However...I think we could expand on that concept and say...

BUT...Be SURE to celebrate the small victories...and happy places in your life.

We are praying for Boston.  We are praying for Texas.  And in doing so, we recognize the importance of our own blessings.

Have a blessed day friends!
Referee of 3