Your Genuine Self

It has been a minute since I sat down to write on my blog.  Let me explain through teenage language what I have learned about this term.  There are three "minutes" when expressing how long it has been since you did something, saw someone, etc.  There is the minute...which is a very short amount of time.  A week, perhaps two.  Then there is the "hot minute".  This expresses that it has been a longer period of time since you have done said thing.  Like maybe a month or so.  Finally, there is the "fat minute".  The "fat minute" means it has been longer than a year.  Ish.  I think.  I don't even really know.  

I often get schooled on my lingo by my children.  This is when they are not eating, sleeping, working, or telling me how much easier of a parent I am on Little.  Also-for as long as I have written on this blog, I've referred to my children as Big, Middle, and Little.  However, Little has a bit of a complex from being referred to as "small" for so many years.  So, we will be addressing him as "the third child" from now on.  Bless all the things.  

Anyway-

It has been a fat minute since I've written on my blog and let me tell you-the words are flying out of my brain.  I recently finished Jen Hatmaker's most recent book "Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire".  Get this.  Put on your mask.  Go get in your car, drive to Target, and buy this book.  If you aren't quite ready to go in, you can order it through drive-up or online.  You do you.  Just get the book.  IF you are a woman who likes to learn, laugh, and connect with other people who live like you...do this for you.  I downloaded this amazing book on audible and listened to it on many walks around our town.  Jen Hatmaker herself is the narrator and hearing her tell her own story is AMAZING.  She also adds many little things for what she refers to as "the listener".  It is so stupid good and I will listen to it time and time again.  

I love to read and post what I've read to my Instagram page "Mrs. Nelson Reads".  I want my students to see that I enjoy reading and hope that I can cultivate a love for reading in their lives and in the lives of those who are intrigued by living outside of their lives.  People love to live in the stories of others, both fiction and nonfiction.  Reading is a great escape from real life.  Sometimes...real life is hard.  We know this to be true in more ways than one.  

The quote I posted on my Instagram page from the book is below:

~The only relief is being genuine at all times with all people, and if you think that is also hard, you are correct, ma'am.  But at least it is honest.  At least it is whole and true.  At least you don't have to adjust the station according to the passengers.~ Jen Hatmaker, Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire: The Guide to Being Glorious You

As women, we tend to try to fit the mold of something we are not in an attempt to "fit in" with others.  I have spent a great majority of my life trying to be what I thought others would want me to be.  This is very normal.  I think more often than not, when we meet new people, we size them up to see who they are and try to be the kind of people they like.  Do you do this?  Is this just me?  We observe how they talk, how they dress, what makes them laugh, how they carry themselves in a room full of people.  Then we try to be someone that does those things so they think we are "their people".  So many times, we try to be something else and we forget who we genuinely are.  

Then...we have to figure out who we are.  When we strip down all the fake, what is left?  When we aren't trying to be what we think others want us to be, who are we?  We give FAR TOO MUCH CREDIT to how others see us.  Sometimes, I think people are upset with me for words or actions.  In my mind, I build up how they are sitting around thinking and talking about what I said or did.  What I posted or wore.  When the truth is...

THEY AREN'T.

People don't have time to sit around and think about us that much.  They are busy dealing with their own world!  We give others too much credit for judging us when truly, we are the ones judging ourselves.  It is easier to blame others when we see fault in ourselves.  We don't want to judge ourselves so we put it on others and then feel resentment toward them instead of putting energy into making changes within ourselves.  

STOP IT RIGHT NOW.  

Take control of your mind.  Take BACK control of how you see yourself.  If we are our genuine selves when we are around ALL people, we are in control.  We have to own all that we think, say, and do.  But if you are being genuine, it comes from a good place and that can be seen.  

ALSO-be kind to yourself.  In this book, Jen (I refer to her by her first name because if we knew each other, we would be friends-I just know it-so it is okay) talks about referring to her body as "she or her" instead of it. This concept is actually from a book called Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image: Learning to Love Ourselves As We Are, by Hillary L. McBride.  This book is next on my list.  When I thought about this concept as a whole, it was much easier to think about my body as an amazing "she".  A "she" that carried Big, Middle, and The Third Child (bless) and delivered them.  The "she" that tried to run a 5k once and that was all.  The "she" that hugs INTENSELY and holds on when someone needs a person around them.  Someone to listen.  To sit in the trenches.  To just "be".  The "she" that LOVES ice cream and cookie dough and cream in her coffee.  The "she" that also loves to dance and read and walk her dog.  My body in the idea of a "she" makes me think differently about her.  Like she is part of the whole that makes me genuinely me.  Again, this concept is not mine.  It is not my friend Jen's.  It was written about in the book above and I think it is PURE GENIUS.  

Love the "she" that you are.  We can all stand to make improvements for the right reasons, but love who your body is at this very moment and all she has done for you.  She is part of the very genuine you.  

I'm so moved by the concepts and the love that I read in these pages and just think it is time to share it with the world.  Being genuine and nice to yourself is not an easy task.  But think how at peace you will be when you are doing these things.  You- being who you really are for all to see.  And you- LOVING THAT PERSON WITH ALL THAT YOU ARE.  

Let's do it.  

Okay? 

Great.  It is settled.  

Happy Tuesday!    

More Than Just A Game

Baseball.

America's Favorite Past Time.  

Unless you are me.  And then it would be something like...

Target and coffee.  

Sorry Babe, but I'm just being honest.  

Baseball was new to me when I married Steve.  I mean, it isn't like I hadn't heard of it or didn't watch it when I was in High School.  I even remember watching "dreamy Steve Nelson" play ball when I was a Freshman.  He was so cute out there on...second base?  Maybe?  Yeah.  I liked his pants and his freckles, but he was way out of my league.  Pun intended.    

Anyway, baseball.  

When I was pregnant with Brett, someone bought this precious baby child a baseball glove for a gift.  Naturally, they assumed our children would be sports minded individuals instead of music and shopping loving fools like their mother.  

Whoever it was, they were right.  

From the moment our children could walk, they were swinging a bat.  And I feel like we've been watching games ever since.  

20 years of summer baseball...give or take a few.  Steve coached other people's kids long before he got ahold of ours so...it's been a bit. 

I've learned more about the game of baseball than any other sport I watch because it moves at a pace that my brain can process.  Some people say it is too slow.  I personally love the pace of a baseball game because I can sit and relax while keeping up when I'm not chatting with other moms or filing my nails.  

These things are important too you know.

Anyway, today is a pretty big day in the house of the Nelsons.  Mr. Nelson took over the head coaching position and our team has been labeled a "Cinderella Team" going to state.  Apparently, when looking at records and such, some people don't believe we should be here.  I don't get into that sort of business when looking at where we are.  Mostly because I live life one day at a time.  And, I'd argue to say if we aren't supposed to be here, then how are we here?  I'm a simple-minded individual that doesn't look too hard into the mouth of a golden opportunity.  I'm just so proud of the boys for doing what they had to do, at the time when it was right to do it, to get to this point.  

This point, by the way, we've been waiting on since LAST THURSDAY when the flood gates opened from the heavens.  We've been rain delayed for days now and today is (HOPEFULLY) the day when we get to play these games!  

No matter what happens in the games today, the boys and coaches should be proud.  I know the parents are proud of their accomplishments in getting to this stage in the game.  Every player on the team played a part in getting them to this moment in time.  Every coach gave input that put us where we are.  In an attempt to continue with my mindset, I suggest they take it inning by inning.  One game at a time.  Knowing all the while that they did what they needed to do to get to the end of their season, no matter when that may be.  

To us, it is more than just a couple of games to win state.  For us, it's a lifetime of bat swinging, base running, catch playing, white baseball pants scrubbing, Twizzler eating moments with our boys.  

We're from Mulvane and this Momma...couldn't be prouder.

Go CATS!  (and if it's not too much trouble, WIN STATE!)

Referee of 3

Waiting in the Car

I've mastered the art of "waiting in the car".  Since I married Steve, we've made countless trips to this very spot.  In fact, the night I fell in love with Steve, he was heading out to the cemetery to spend time with his Dad on Christmas Eve.  The thought moved me from my very selfish and immature place in life to a place where I could see how much this man had been through and how much I loved someone other than myself.

Like I said, we've been here many times.  It was always important to his Mom to come and add new flowers and spend time with the ones she'd lost.  My parents and grandparents have also always impressed upon us the importance of going to the cemetery and honoring those who've gone before us.  In the times when I went with Steve and his family, I would stand back quietly.  I am and always have been a very empathetic person, so I usually stood very sad with tears for the ones I loved who were hurting, missing their husband and father.  Eventually, to give them their time, I'd "go wait in the car".  It always felt like the right thing to do.

As our lives changed, we'd take two little boys with us to the headstone to put out flowers and be there for Steve.  That was always a bit challenging, but we made it work.  They'd sit on the stone gate that is near the headstone and we'd play while Steve had his time.  As our third one came along, the others were old enough to recognize why we were there and they'd keep him entertained while the adults stood and remembered their past lives. With tears in their eyes and a nod from Steve, I'd take the boys to "wait in the car" while they had their time.

Two years ago, the place where we'd visit a Grandpa they'd never met, suddenly became the place where we go to see our beloved Nana.  The woman who played a very important role in all of our lives, the one we'd stand beside in our times visiting the cemetery, was now the one we were coming to talk to and talk about.  It doesn't make any sense...still.  Yet here we are.

Today, as we passed the cemetery taking Brady's friend home from camp, he asked if we could stop and see Nana.  I suddenly found myself standing beside him and I realized that he was ready for his time.  I said to him what I've said to the others all these years..."I'll go wait in the car."

And I did.

I sat there as I've done before, praying for the hands of Jesus to wrap around the heart of my not so little boy missing a pretty special lady in his life.  Gone too soon and too quickly for any of us to even comprehend

On the way home, I asked him something I've never asked anyone else before.  I asked what he said to her.  Without revealing too much, he simply said he told her that he loved her, he missed her, and he hopes to live a life like her so that he can be with her someday.

My heart.

Such a simple concept from such a sweetheart.

We should all hope to want for something so simple, but so amazing.

She had a heart like Jesus.  She loved her Lord.  May we love those we've lost, live like Jesus, and be with them again.

Wise words my sweet Little.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

Closing My Rings

I have an Apple watch.  I got it as a gift from my parents and I love it.  It talks to me and reminds me to do things I would forget to do otherwise.  It used to call me Mom, but Brady changed my name to Ninja-Waffle one time and I've never been able to get it back.  I originally wanted it because I lose my phone quite often and if you are within a certain distance of said lost phone, you can ping it and find it.

I'm not kidding.

It's an expensive watch for that purpose, but seriously...I can ALWAYS find my phone.

As I got ready for church on Sunday, I was in a hurry.  Because along with losing my phone, I am often RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT on time.  Meaning, I'm late.  I forgot my watch and realized right away that I was missing it.  I was sad because Steve and I have been working hard on our fitness goals since the end of football season.  We've been working out, eating better, and trying to close the rings on our watch.

For those of you who are fellow Apple watch wearers, you know what I mean.  For those of you who aren't, here is a quick lesson.

The outer, red ring is your "move" ring.  It calculates the number of daily calories burned.
The middle, green ring is your "exercise" ring.  It calculates the amount of time you set aside for exercising during the day.
The inner, blue ring is your "stand" ring.  It calculates the number of hours you "stand" or are up moving during the day.  12 "stand" hours equals a perfect stand day.

In order to close all three rings, you must get at least 30 minutes of daily exercise, stand for 12 hours, and meet the daily move goal you've set for yourself.

Your watch will send you messages throughout the day reminding you to keep up with your rings. At the end of the day, if you close your rings, you get a celebration message and award from your watch app.

It really is quite exciting.  I started making it a goal to close my rings based on my fitness goals and for the first time in almost forever, (dramatic flair) I'm doing it.

However-I have noticed, that with goal setting and goal getting, it is easy to obsess about things.  If I don't close my exercise or move ring, my watch will kindly remind me that a brisk 17-minute walk should do it...so I do it.

Sunday, when I forgot to put my watch on until noon, I actually set an alarm on my phone to wake me at 11pm and 12am so I could stand up and meet my goal.

This seems slightly ridiculous, right?  Yes.  Right.

As I was sitting in church getting ready to sing and thinking about how I forgot my precious watch, it occurred to me that perhaps my focus was in the wrong place.  I thought about how hard I had worked as of late, to close my rings, increase my physical fitness level while decreasing my size, weight, etc.

Being healthy is important.  It is SO important.  Don't get me wrong here.

What isn't healthy is focusing on only these rings when there are so many other things I need to give my time, focus, and attention to.

I started to think about the number of hours I had spent in prayer this week.

Not 12 a day.  That is for sure.

I also thought about how many times I stood for Jesus, for my faith, for my beliefs this week.  Did I even remember to do that?

Maybe.  Maybe not.

I considered the fact that I hadn't "moved" to help others or exercised my right to be a reflection of Christ consistently.

Why?  Because I didn't have a daily wrist reminder to pray, stand, and move for Jesus?

Then I started thinking about how I could better this system.  I could create an app that would remind me to do all of these things like my trusty watch does!  Of course, you'd need time, and resources, and know how and such for that sort of thing.  I can barely keep my house clean.  Then I thought about how I could relate my want to be a better Christian and just all around human to the rings I use every day.

The red "move" ring can remind me to move for Jesus.  Daily.  Move in a way that reflects him. 

The green "exercise" ring can help remind me to spend at LEAST 30 minutes in prayer each day.  Thanking God for my ability to do all that I get to do in a day and for my many blessings.

The blue "stand" ring can help me remember to stand for Jesus.  Stand up for what I believe in, in a way that doesn't make others feel unloved or unaccepted.  Christianity takes a lot of hits, but the bottom line is to love others like he loves us.  This I can stand for and do more often.  My blue ring tells me so.

Anyway, this is your friendly reminder from Ninja-Waffle to close your rings every day.  For your heart, for your health, and for God.


Food for thought!
Referee of 3

Going Left

I read something yesterday that really resonated with me. 

Ironically, the quote came from the wrapper of my Dove chocolate.  (Diets...am I right?)

I'm paraphrasing here because anyone who knows me knows that I have memory issues.  We'll just leave it at that.  The wrapper said something along the lines of this.

When things don't go right, go left.  

I smiled when I looked at it and then it was on my mind for the rest of the day.  I thought a lot about how many times I've gone "left" in my forty-one years of life. 

Looking back can be dangerous, but sometimes it is so helpful to see how far you've come.  I'm not a person who generally makes the right choice the first time.  I like to make things more challenging and usually, it takes my making the wrong choice to learn the lesson.  I've lived for a long time thinking I've messed things up, or that I'm a disaster. 

Honestly and truly, I am a bit of a disaster.  I'm not the most organized person you'll ever meet and that is putting it nicely.  I struggle with being tidy and am hardly ever on time.  There's more, but I think that is enough of a description.  I used to let the above definitions define me.  I used to think I was kind of a mess and that my life was just a reflection of all of the wrong choices I had made when life wasn't going right.  I've since realized this isn't the truth. 

And then, I saw the quote.  It made me think about how many times I've had to go left when things weren't going right.  All the times when I thought life was wrong was simply an opportunity to do it differently. 

If life had gone "right" from the get-go, I wouldn't be married to my husband.  I wouldn't have my boys. I wouldn't have the tolerant heart that I feel like I have.  I wouldn't understand others who are like me.  I wouldn't be a teacher.  I wouldn't be living in Mulvane. Etc., etc., etc.

I often think about one of my very favorite Bible verses and wonder if all of my "lefts" were actually part of HIS plan for my life.  When I was younger, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted.  "I" had a plan for my life that looked completely different from what it is now.  If my life had been "right" according to my plan, I'd never have all that I have today.  I can't help but think that God's plan for my life included some of the "lefts". 

I'm thankful for the mistakes.  I'm thankful for the lessons.  I'm thankful for the hard times.  I wouldn't be who I am if life had gone "right" all the time.  What about you?

Sometimes you have to trust the "left". 

Bless. 

Referee of Three

Go To Bed Angry

We've been married for over twenty years now.

We have three children.

We have lived in the same house for 18 of those years.

We have celebrated multiple holidays, survived middle school ALMOST three times, and we are still standing as a couple.

**there are many other items in that list of what we've gone through and dealt with, but no one has time for that.

We have also had about 100 billion fights.

We are definitely not a couple that doesn't fight.   Do those even exist?  I feel like they are similar to unicorns if they do.

I can remember reading card after card after we got married that said the following words.

"Don't go to bed angry."

Ephesians 4:26-27 says

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

While I MUST agree with what is written in the bible most of the time, we have found this not always to be true.


Actually, one of the things we've learned after all these precious years of marital bliss is that sometimes...you go to bed angry.

We have had to take a time out on our fights and just sleep on it in order to be able to see the other person's perspective with clarity and love.  Whenever we fight, we seem to get stuck only seeing our point of view and it cripples our ability to come to a fair compromise.

So-we sleep.

We go against the advice of so many others in an attempt to find a resolution. In our younger days, we weren't always able to come to a close so quickly.  As we've gotten older and have learned more about each other, we know that falling asleep back to back without a solution, does NOT equate not loving one another.  We've both been in places where we wondered-is this it?  Is this where I'll be for the rest of my life?  Angry and sad? But, as we've matured, we realize that those feelings are normal.  It is normal to be angry and sad when fighting with your spouse.  Especially when you can't seem to come to a middle ground of understanding.  It seems hopeless at times.

And then...we sleep.

When I wake up now, I see this man that I love.  And not only that.  I see someone who I respect.  I respect his feelings, his opinions, and his character.  I know his perspective comes from a place of good and I try with all that I can, to come up with words that will make him see what I see.

We have softer tones of voice.  We have kinder eyes.  We know that the love never left...even in the midst of our anger.  And we can forgive.  We both see our faults and know that somewhere in the middle of a discussion, we'll find a place where we can agree.

Sometimes you have to go to bed without a resolution to be able to wake up in the right frame of mind to be the spouse you know you can be.

The best advice we can give is to always remember who you married.  When you return to truth and you go back to the person you know that you know...it is easy to see where they are coming from.

Lay your boxing gloves on the nightstand and see what tomorrow brings.

Referee of 3

One Picture

It is amazing what you can remember by looking at one picture. 

This picture has so many memories behind it and I don’t even know what to do with all of them when they come bubbling up out of me.  When I look at this picture, I see the smile of my sweet little. He was nine at the time. He had grown his hair in an attempt to look like his seventeen-year-old and fifteen-year-old brothers, but bless...it did not work.  His hair was long and shaggy and it took all that I could to not shave it off in his sleep. When he started playing basketball that year, he decided that his long hair was more of a pain than he thought and we made an appointment to cut it off.  This picture was taken just after we finished with his haircut. I took it and sent it to his Dad, his Mimi, and his Nana. All the while, during this haircut and over the past few days, we’d been waiting for results of some pretty important tests.  Our sweet Nana had fallen ill and no one knew what was wrong. Little did we know that just minutes after taking this picture, we’d get news that would change our lives forever. 

When I think about the timing of it all, it almost takes me down. 

The sadness that followed in the next few months is hard to talk about, understand, and explain.  None of it makes any sense. And for those of us who were in the thick of it, we are still in shock over her loss.  Again-none of it makes sense. 

I’m not writing this to be sad.  However, I do think writing (for me) is sometimes an expression of grief and it is important to get these things out there. 

I’m writing this because when I see this picture, I remember so much.  I remember the feelings. The looks on the faces of those I love the very most in this world as we tried to sort out the details of the news we had received.  I remember the tears and the hugs that came with all of the questions and conversations. I remember her amazing faith.  I could go into great detail, but this would never end. 

On a daily basis, I lose my coffee cup at least six times. I forget my purse or my phone, or my workout bag, or my computer, every single time I leave the house.  But this...this picture...and the events that followed, I remember without missing a beat. 

There are many moments I wish I could forget. 

But then I think about how much we’ve learned through all we’ve been through as a family.  I think about the strength she left and that we gained because of her faith, her fight, and ultimately her healing. 

I think about how much we love our family.  I remember the words, the tears, the daily struggle during the four months we walked with her as she fought her cancer. 

And then...I think about how much we all miss her.  Her love. Her laugh. Her smile. Her kind eyes. Her helpfulness.  Her attitude of service. Her friendship. Her guidance. Her lists.  Oh, how she loved to write and check off every item on her list. They used to drive me crazy.  Now what we wouldn’t give to hear one more of her lists. 

I write this because two years ago, our lives changed in so many ways.  No one asked us if we wanted to change. No one prepared us for what was to come next. I know some of you reading this understand this more than anyone ever wants to.  I write this because we never know what tomorrow brings. This picture is a reminder to me to be in this moment and to not take anyone that I love for granted. 

Nana would want us to remember the good and not the bad.  Eventually, I think we will all be able to shake these awful memories of her illness.  I also think she had to have a hand in this picture being the “one” that we remember. She happened to love this little freckle face.

A lot. 

So many of us have lost someone we love. So many have been through traumatic situations that leave them with these memories and emotions. Maybe, we can all relate and use them for good. Life can be so hard to understand. But by being understanding, maybe we can make these roads a little smoother for those traveling them now.  

Tell people what they mean to you.  

Do the things that make you happy.

Forgive those who have wronged you.  

Apologize for hurting others.  

Give the compliments.

Go the extra mile.

Work hard and love harder.  

Referee of Three