Go To Bed Angry

We've been married for over twenty years now.

We have three children.

We have lived in the same house for 18 of those years.

We have celebrated multiple holidays, survived middle school ALMOST three times, and we are still standing as a couple.

**there are many other items in that list of what we've gone through and dealt with, but no one has time for that.

We have also had about 100 billion fights.

We are definitely not a couple that doesn't fight.   Do those even exist?  I feel like they are similar to unicorns if they do.

I can remember reading card after card after we got married that said the following words.

"Don't go to bed angry."

Ephesians 4:26-27 says

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

While I MUST agree with what is written in the bible most of the time, we have found this not always to be true.


Actually, one of the things we've learned after all these precious years of marital bliss is that sometimes...you go to bed angry.

We have had to take a time out on our fights and just sleep on it in order to be able to see the other person's perspective with clarity and love.  Whenever we fight, we seem to get stuck only seeing our point of view and it cripples our ability to come to a fair compromise.

So-we sleep.

We go against the advice of so many others in an attempt to find a resolution. In our younger days, we weren't always able to come to a close so quickly.  As we've gotten older and have learned more about each other, we know that falling asleep back to back without a solution, does NOT equate not loving one another.  We've both been in places where we wondered-is this it?  Is this where I'll be for the rest of my life?  Angry and sad? But, as we've matured, we realize that those feelings are normal.  It is normal to be angry and sad when fighting with your spouse.  Especially when you can't seem to come to a middle ground of understanding.  It seems hopeless at times.

And then...we sleep.

When I wake up now, I see this man that I love.  And not only that.  I see someone who I respect.  I respect his feelings, his opinions, and his character.  I know his perspective comes from a place of good and I try with all that I can, to come up with words that will make him see what I see.

We have softer tones of voice.  We have kinder eyes.  We know that the love never left...even in the midst of our anger.  And we can forgive.  We both see our faults and know that somewhere in the middle of a discussion, we'll find a place where we can agree.

Sometimes you have to go to bed without a resolution to be able to wake up in the right frame of mind to be the spouse you know you can be.

The best advice we can give is to always remember who you married.  When you return to truth and you go back to the person you know that you know...it is easy to see where they are coming from.

Lay your boxing gloves on the nightstand and see what tomorrow brings.

Referee of 3