After listening to PR talk about the importance of the Lenten season, I knew why God wanted me there. I listened intently and felt some of the words he used stinging my heart. It was obvious that I was there for a very good reason.
As many of you know, this year has been full of ups for us. I had a new teaching job and Coach moved to the high school to teach. We had so many positive changes happening in our lives and it was great. Until the stressful side of those changes took over. The changes in our lives became overwhelming and I could see that I was more anxious than grateful at many times. This comes with the territory of any new position I would imagine, but I just wasn't feeling the thankfulness I had felt earlier in the year.
We have also had the opportunity to travel to two amazing places as a family in the last year. The trips brought us closer as a family and I am so grateful we had that experience for our boys. However...the awesomeness of the trips got wrapped up in the stress of packing, traveling, and so on. My thankfulness just wasn't as present as I had hoped it would be.
I haven't always given something up for Lent. In fact, I only started giving something up a few years ago as a way to strengthen my "walk" towards Easter. PR mentioned a few years ago that we were to give something up or add something to our lives during the Lenten season to help us truly understand our walk with Christ to the Cross. After talking with some friends, I know not everyone is sold on this concept, and that is okay. It's been a personal decision of mine to try to give something up each year since then. The first year, I gave up all sweets. That was...a nightmare. I was in the thick of my cookie dough coping mechanism and I took it all away from myself. I had to learn to deal with stresses by eating crackers and cheese instead. The second year, I gave up Diet Pepsi. That was also a disaster. I am pretty sure this is the time I started drinking more than 4 cups of coffee a day and have had the shakes ever since. In giving up these things, I realized it wasn't helping me in my walk to the cross much. I was just replacing one vice with another. The next year, I decided to add something to my life instead of taking something away. I added a daily devotional and writing on my blog more. This was very beneficial because I was able to start my day with the word and then reflect on my thoughts by writing. It was great until life got in the way. I always start with such passion and then end up only blogging once every other week.
Where is she going with this...? Stand by. I'm getting there.
This year, after attending the service I didn't want to attend, and then realizing how much I needed to be there, I decided to look at whatever it was that was truly keeping me from time with "life". Not just time with God, but time with my husband, my children, and my family and friends. As I left the church that night, I knew exactly what I'd be giving up for Lent. But instead of saying I was giving it up for Lent, I knew I was really giving it up for the people in my life who had taken a backseat to it. I gave up social media.
Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Now you know how much I love social media. If you don't, you don't know me very well. When I was home with my kids, I used social media to socialize with other adults. I loved catching up with friends from college and high school. I loved seeing pictures of families, vacations, new babies, etc. Then came the age of smart phones. Since I have added these social media apps to my phone, I became more and more detached from life. Real life. It is so easy to do. And you don't mean to do it. But I did it. I missed whole conversations with my family. I missed important cues from friends who were struggling. I never saw things because I had my head down reading who knows what on social media. I became more insecure and less present each day. And then...I saw my kids doing it. I noticed they weren't listening to me. They didn't notice when things were stressful. They weren't listening and they started basing their self worth on how many followers they had. What?!?! Who does that?
Guilty as charged.
I would find myself feeling insecure or confident based on the number of "likes" I got on a post. I would wait for notifications on my phone to tell me if a blog I had written was good or bad. The truth of the matter is...I don't write for other people. I write for me. I shouldn't care what people think...but, it is who we are. AND...I feel like social media has taken that to a whole new level.
Who in this life are we trying to impress? Who in this life are we trying to compete with? What is it that I want people to know about me when I am gone?
Not that I was on social media all of the time.
Not that I based my self worth on how many social media notifications I had.
Not that I wasn't present in life, but present online instead.
Since I've been off social media, I've noticed many things. One, I see things. I see what is happening around me. Two, I hear things. I hear when Little tells me a story. I heard the excitement with Middle's voice when he came home with his new baseball uniform. I heard the stress in Big's voice as we filled out his high school schedule form. Three...I've learned things. I'm learning who I am and what I need in my life. I will get back on social media eventually. But I need to know that I don't need it to survive. I need to know who my true friends are. I need to know that my family knows I'm present.
I'm redefining what social media is in my life. When I'm gone...I want people to know that I was a good mom because I was seeing and hearing my children. I want people to know that I am a good parent because I know my kids by what they say to my face, not what I read about them on social media. I want people to know that I am a good wife because I love my husband and it shows. I want people to know I was loyal to my family because of my actions.
I want my actions to speak louder than my posts.
I have so much work to do in my life as far as my "walk" is concerned. But I feel like this is a good step. God sacrificed his son for us. I think we all know I can't give up sweets, but I can surely redefine social media in my life for the people I love. :)
Have a blessed day!
Referee of
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