What have you done for me lately...

Facebook.

The never ending series of events of other peoples' lives that make me feel unworthy.

Or...the place where I can keep up with all of my peeps.

Which is it?  To be honest...it depends on the day.  I think I started my Facebook account in 2009.  I can remember my friend telling me not to do it.  She said...it will take over your life.  As I laughed at the time thinking maybe she was being dramatic, I now realize that she was serious.  There have been times when scrolling through Facebook has taken the place of "life".

I was chatting with my sister tonight about how complicated life has become.  Partially because of our schedules.  Coach and I are full time teachers and parents.  Coach is also a full time coach.  (obviously)  Our kids are full time students and are involved in athletics.  While we are all very happy about our lives, it is crazy...no doubt.  This is not news to you or to me.  I know that some of the complexity of our lives comes from my new job and the fact that our kids are getting older.  I often look back on the time in our lives when Little was brand new and the boys were still little.  Life may not have been simple, but I can say that it was "simpler" than it is now.  As I said...part of this comes from my career change, but I think Facebook is somewhat guilty of complicating my life.

Facebook can be a great way to spread information and ask for help.  It can be a great place to find encouragement and hope.  It can also be a place that drags you down.  I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I've felt like I didn't measure up as a parent or even now as a teacher because of things I read or saw on Facebook or Pinterest.  I find myself comparing everything I do to other moms, friends, and teachers.  Why?  Why would I do that?  Why would I put myself up against an experienced teacher, or a stay at home mom if I am neither of those things?  I don't know.  Because in my mind, (like most people) I think I want to be good at everything.  I try and try to be all that I can be and more...and come up short from time to time.  I've noticed that not very many people put their short comings out for others to see.  This is understandable as we don't want others to see us fail.

What I think...is that it's okay for people to see failure from time to time.  I think that we as people need to understand that no one is good at everything...we just have to be good at being who we are.  I tell my students all the time that you don't have to be the best.  You just have to be your best.  Too often we forget what our best is because we are trying to be something we are not.  I also think that maybe it is okay to unplug from the crazy world of Facebook and Pinterest from time to time.  There was a time in my life when I had no idea how un-crafty I was because I didn't know how crafty others could be.  I didn't know how unoriginal my first day of school pictures were because I didn't know how creative some parents could be.  There are some really cool pictures out there, but none that compare in my heart to our traditional front porch pics.  They are boring and normal...and they are mine.  I love them for that very reason.  

In order for me to feel good about who I am I need to do two things.  Unplug from time to time...and remember that I am exactly who I am supposed to be.  And that is enough.  Thanks to my sister for the reminder.  <3

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3 23

Today I am thankful...

Today I am thankful...

Actually, I'm thankful for things everyday.  Today I am posting that I am thankful.  That as a title was less catchy so I went with the original statement.

Back to my thoughts...

Today I am thankful for a few things that I wanted to share.

1.  I'm thankful for new days and better perspective.  Sometimes...so many things can happen at once and you are left in a pile of butterfingers trying to sort it all out.  Negativity takes over the happy places of your brain and panic sets in...until morning.  This is where the thankful for new days comes in.  I was so thankful today for a new day.  This day brought different challenges, but also brought a new perspective on how to handle them.  His mercies really are new each morning...

2.  I'm thankful for a note from an old friend.  God works in such amazing and mysterious ways sometimes.  In the training I was attending for the past two days,  a couple of teachers from Norwich, KS were also attending.  Norwich is a small place here in Kansas that as a child I became quite familiar with.  We have some very close family friends that lived (and still live) there.  Anytime I meet someone from Norwich, I know I can ask them about our friends, and they'll know exactly who I am referring to.  When I asked one of the teachers if they knew the family, she happened to know them very well.  As we talked, I asked her to mention to my friend that I said hello.  These are the kind of friends you can barely see, yet can pick up right where you left off the last time.  This friend is actually a friend of my moms.  She and my mom modeled what true friendship meant.  Her daughters and my sis and I became very close as a result of our parents' friendship.

Long story short...

After a very challenging day yesterday, the teacher from Norwich handed me a card from this friend first thing this morning.  It was full encouragement and love.  It was JUST what I needed to read.  Thank you God...and thank you Linda H.  

3.  I'm thankful for bite sized butterfingers.  These little beauties help me get through tough moments and don't bring me the kind of guilt that a regular sized candy bar brings.  I can eat it and be satisfied knowing that I am completely dependent upon peanut butter, chocolate, and sugary goodness to calm my nerves.  I truly wish carrots had the same effect.  Sadly...they do not.

4.  I'm thankful for the love I have in my marriage.  As I was waiting on BIG to come out of the locker room after practice, I allowed myself to watch the youtube video that has been going around about the gentleman that recently lost his wife of 73 years.  He wrote a song and entered a contest with the lyrics as a tribute to her.  After sitting in my car trying not to completely lose all control...I realized how special their love was.  I realized how precious this music was in reminding me of my own love.  So often we wait until we no longer have the chance to share how much someone means to us.  I am challenging myself to share my feelings with the ones I love TODAY.  I am also challenging myself in the daily grind of life, to slow down and show them my love as well.  This video...this wonderful video...shows us that when love is given and appreciated as it is intended...it truly is AMAZING.  (Please take a minute to watch this video http://twentytwowords.com/2013/08/26/widower-submits-a-song-about-his-wife-of-73-years-to-a-songwriting-contest/...you won't be sorry.  I promise.  If you need to just see the song, click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BJzzNMv9Oo

5.  I'm thankful that God intervenes in my life when I need it the most.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3 23

Referee of 23

Coach told me the other day that he knew I was busy right now.

Understatement of the year...

The reason he knew I was so busy was because I hadn't put our kids' first day of school pictures on Facebook.  Apparently I have a reputation with my friends and family of blasting facebook with pictures of certain events in our lives.

I really have no idea what he is referring to...

As I sat planning for my "new" kids, it hit me that he just might be right.  I've been so busy for the past week and a half getting things organized for school, that I have neglected a few things at home.  My last post was about balance.  I was happy to report that with the help of my loving family and God...I had found it.

It would appear I have lost it again...

Here's the kicker.  I'm not crying.  I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I've only cried once since school started and I'm pretty sure I'm more overwhelmed right now than I've ever been.  I've also not had ANY cookie dough.

I have (however) had a Butterfingers at least once a day since the beginning of school.

I can't write for long because I have to finish lesson planning, pack lunches, get ready for school, and find my sanity before I walk out the door.  I have so much to say and no time to say it.  So for now, I'll leave you with this.

This is WAAAAAAAAAAY harder than I ever thought it could be, but as McDonald's would say...

I'm LOVIN' it.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3 23

Balance

I know...I know.  It has been awhile since I've been on to write.  If you are my friend on facebook or follow me on Instagram...you already know why.  For those of you who aren't, I'll give you the quick run down.

1.  New carpet  (This very exciting development took almost two weeks to deal with and although I'm more than happy with the result, I was not prepared for the work that accompanied the job.) 

2.  Family Vacation  (This very exciting adventure was more than I could have asked for in my life and left me feeling refreshed, renewed, and ready for a new vehicle.)

3.  New Job (This better late than never opportunity has given me more excitement, responsibility, and jobs than I had ever imagined.  I have a whole new respect for all of my teacher friends, son's teachers, and my husband.)

These three things have been my reason for not blogging since late June.  I apologize for not writing, but can't apologize for the time away.  This summer has been one I will not forget.  

To end my might be favorite summer of all time...last night I attended Taylor Swift's concert with my three favorite girls.  (Mom, sister, and pretend daughter.  Really, she's my niece...but on nights like last night she is very much  my pretend daughter.)  It was an amazing show and I can say that it was worth every penny that my parents so graciously spent on our tickets.  She is an entertainer...to say the very least.  During her concert she spoke about how her songs always go back to a particular theme in her life.  She either writes about love or breaking up.  (This is paraphrased of course)  In listening to her speak about her song writing, I thought about my blogging.  I am one that speaks on a lot of things, but usually I am talking about one of three things.  

1.  My love for my family. (or cookie dough/butterfingers)

2.  My busy, crazy, chaotic life.

3.  Epic failures in the kitchen.  

What my good friend Taylor said is true.  You go with what you know.  And even though I'm thankful I'm not writing about falling deeply in love and the worst break-ups of all time, I tend to fall back to the old faithfuls of my life.  Had I had a computer and a blog in my younger years...Lord have mercy on all of you.  Until I met Coach...I was a bit confused about what "love" meant.  Those stories are meant for another blog...another time...or perhaps not at all.  

What I wanted to touch base with today was the topic of balance.  I've talked about this so many times that you'd think I was an expert.  I am not.  What I am is continually learning how to balance my life.  Since we got back from our vacation two weeks ago, I've spent almost every waking moment in my classroom trying to prepare for the little darlings that I will call my students this year.  I've been on the computer downloading and printing.  I've been laminating and hanging.  I've been trying my hardest to make my room feel comfortable and functional all at the same time.  After that was finished a mere 48 hours ago...I then started diving head first into curriculum and lesson planning.  I've again been in the classroom, on the computer, at the laminator, and obsessed with preparation.  Today was my first day of work.  I've waited 9 months for this day.  Well...I've actually waited longer than that, but you've heard that story.  I went to work today and learned a lot.  As I came home from being gone from my own kids...I realized that life has been going on without me since we got back.  Coach has picked up ALL of the slack.  The boys have been helping out with each other.  The laundry has been getting done and they are all alive and well.  And I ask myself...

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

They aren't supposed to function without the Mom.  I'm the part of them that sticks them all together!  I'm the glue!  And the glue has been missing!  And the house is supposed to be falling apart without me!  

Now...if that were happening, I'd be in shambles.  I would be thinking this WHOLE plan was wrong and that I needed to immediately quit my new job, find cookie dough and retreat to the nearest closet with a door.  

I walked in the door tonight and realized that life is going to be okay.  I had no idea how all of this would work.  Clearly, I cannot spend my life in my classroom.  I also cannot shuck the responsibilities of my new job to be the ONLY one around here who can keep this family running.  

Somehow...when I wasn't looking, God gave me this amazing gift.  The gift of balance.  I've been spending my time worrying about how I would make it all work...and it worked on its own with the help of my family.  I have to find a way to make it all work for my life, but I can have peace knowing that I'm not the one working out the details.  

I think...this just might be...okay.

Have a blessed day!

Referee of 3

Walking the Tight Rope

Do you ever have those days when you feel...like you are walking across the Grand Canyon on a cable holding onto a bar that weighs who knows how much?

Do you even know what I am referring to?

This past week, Coach and I watched a man cross the Grand Canyon on a cable wearing no safety harness. It was the longest 22 minutes...for real.  Watching this man walk across a giant canyon on nothing but a cable almost did me in.  Heights are one of my biggest fears.  I get nauseated climbing a ladder to get something off the shelf in my kitchen.  Not a fan of heights at all.  As I watched this man, my first thought was he was crazy.  My second thought was that he was insane.  My third thought was how on earth is he doing this?  The cable was swaying...the bar was swaying...the wind was blowing...and all he had to hang onto was a cable...with his feet.  I mean...thinking back to it makes me as nervous as when I was watching it.  Twenty-two minutes.  That's how long it took him to cross the canyon.  He talked about how the optical illusions were more than he was prepared for...and I can imagine.  Just seeing it through the lens of a television camera was enough for me to cling to my bed.

So today and in the past few days, I've had a similar experience.  I did not walk across a canyon on a cable. I didn't even climb a ladder.  What I did and have been doing all summer is a balancing act to say the least.  And I'm having one of those moments much like when the man on the cable asked Jesus to calm the cable.  He spoke to Jesus all the way across the canyon asking him to calm the winds and slow the cable.  I get it...I do.  There are moments in my day when I am begging Jesus to calm the wind.  I say this like I have been in great torment. I have not.  I am just a little overwhelmed and under prepared for life with teenagers and a six year old.  We are in the car more than we are at home.  We are taking and picking up every 45 minutes...or so it seems.  I am trying to do some much needed upkeep to our home and trying to prepare a classroom and a class for my first year of teaching.  Coach is busy teaching driver's ed. to help support our baseball habit and Brady is just trying to enjoy his summer as a six year old.  Big has a mowing job, but isn't a driver yet.  This leaves him in a position to need help getting to his jobs and getting this done.  Middle has a very busy social life and needs to be driven all over the town for his social needs.  (much like his Momma)

As most of you know, I struggle to finish tasks that I start.  Not because I don't want to finish, but because someone needs something that prevents me from finishing what I'm doing.  I found my phone in my refrigerator the other day.  IN THE FRIDGE.  No doubt someone needed a drink as I was going to hang it up.

Jesus...calm the winds.  

I may have mentioned that I washed and washed and washed a load of laundry because I kept forgetting to move it to the dryer before it got yucky and mildew-y.  (That is my own made up word)

Jesus...calm the winds.

I turned the wrong way out of my neighborhood on the way to get Middle from basketball camp.  It took me until I got to the bank to realize I wasn't going to the bank and that I should have turned right.  Middle was less than pleased when I pulled up and he was standing in 102 degree temperatures.

Jesus...calm the winds. 

Sometimes...I feel like I am walking on a cable over a gaping hole in the earth.  I can't let anything drop because I'm the mom and that is what we do.  We perform an amazing balancing act with life.  Five schedules...one mom.  What seems like seventeen different activities in 24 hours...one mom.

That man made it across the canyon because he had been preparing for that moment (22 to be exact) for a long time.  He had faith and he had skill.  He moved slowly and gracefully.  He spoke to the Lord at times when he was unsure. He kept his eye on the prize and he didn't fall.

He had faith that the one who made him would deliver him safely from one side to the other.

I think he is crazy.  But I also think his faith is amazing.

If I could rely on God from sun up to sun down and move slowly and gracefully, perhaps I wouldn't have those ugly moments of motherhood.

Sometimes...life can give us more than we can handle....alone.  But that is the beauty of loving God.  We never have to handle the craziness alone.  We can walk the tight rope battling the winds and the optical illusions of life...knowing we do have a safety net.

Whatever is moving your cable or shaking your faith...stay strong.  Take it one step at a time knowing you are not walking your tight rope alone.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

It's Okay

I decided it was time for another It's Okay list.  I'm doing this to justify the things I've done over the past 72 hours.  :)  Here you go...

Amy Nelson's Top 10 It's Okay List for the past 72 Hours

1.  It's okay to wear navy shorts with a grey and green Mulvane baseball shirt to small group because you don't have anything else that is clean/comfortable.

2.  It's okay to buy potato salad from the local grocery store and put it in a presentable dish to take to your small group BBQ.

3.  It's okay to take a picture with your son after he lost his tournament even though he is extremely unhappy because if you don't, you won't remember to do it and you'll never forgive yourself for forgetting the annual pic that no one but you enjoys.

4.  It's okay to buy a  rolling cooler at Kmart even though you have three perfectly good rolling coolers at home.  When you have carried the football (yes...I carried the football cooler to the baseball game because it was the only one I could carry) cooler up a hill and through the woods twice, you decid it is worth the $20.00 and losing the space in the garage.

5.  It's okay to eat two...(yes two) boxes of Good and Plenty's at a ballgame because you are stressed and calories don't actually count when you are burning them pacing behind the bleachers.

6.  It's okay to come home and clean your bathroom and bedroom because you can't lay down and take a nap until you remove all of the clothing from your bed and you can't shower until you clean the filth from the previous night of after ballgame showers.

7.  It's okay to take your hair out of a ponytail holder, wash it, and put it back in  said ponytail holder because the wind is blowing 9,000 mph.  (I might be over exaggerating, but you get it).

8.  It's okay to eat both ice cream AND a piece of Boston Cream Cake in the same day.  Because the ice cream was a must and Granny bought me the cake.  So..really, I had to.  Right?

9.  It's okay to re-wash a giant load of clothes because you forgot to move them over before the game earlier today.

And finally...

10.  It's okay to be excited that your small group is cooking dinner for you tonight because you couldn't find your kitchen counter if your life depended on it.  :)

And to add to the enjoyment of this list...a lesson I learned...again.

You never know how bad your comments to the umpire/other team/anyone in earshot sound until your child repeats them.  I've been a little heated over some crazy calls... but when my child acts the way I'm acting and I have to tell him to stop...I suddenly remember that my example is very important.  Oh...and it's okay to try to cure anything with blueberry french toast.  :)

Life lessons...by Amy Nelson.

Have a Blessed Day!
Referee of 3

Remembering Grace

I was listening to the radio on my way to Wichita this morning.  I was flipping between country, rock, and K-Love.  I was rather annoyed that all stations had gone to a commercial so I stopped on K-Love to see what they were talking about.  I'm really...really glad I did.

There was a woman that had called in to talk about something she had discovered through her faith.  Something we can all relate to.  I decided I would share what she said because I think it is relevant to so many at this point in our lives.  The woman was talking about how she is very strong in her faith, but has a hard time quieting the memory of some of her sins.  She talked of quiet time she spent with God and how those memories would come rushing back at a time when she thought she had peace with who she was and how she was living her life.  One night, she asked God why she was forced to remember her poor choices.  She asked why she had to constantly be reminded of the pain that those choices caused or the struggle they brought about in her life.  Remembering the sad times can be so difficult as the pain always comes back with as much force as it gave from the get go.  In asking God why she had to live through those memories, she finally heard an answer.  She said (paraphrase) that God told her if she didn't remember the hard times and struggles in her life, she wouldn't remember his grace either.  The words that she used were that God told her when she asked why..."Because you wouldn't remember my grace."

Those six words have been hanging on me ever since.

Of course.  If we didn't remember the bad, we would also forget the beauty of grace and healing that follows the hard times in our lives.

There are times when it feels like I have lived a lifetime of regret regarding some of my choices and my actions towards others.  I get to a place where I feel good about my life and those in it.  And then the memories come with a vengeance.  Things I've done or words I've said that have hurt others.  I too have thought "why can't I just forget?"

God doesn't want us to live in a state of regret.  What he wants is for us to remember the moments of grace we received after we stumbled and fell.  And Lord knows I've fallen.  He's right too.  If I didn't remember those bad times, I would struggle to give him credit for the good as well.  They went on with the radio segment to say that it is like a scar.  We can look at a scar and remember what happened to put it there.  The pain is gone.  What we can see is how our bodies healed with a memory of the incident.  Maybe we remember how bad it hurt and we choose not to make that choice again.  Maybe we remember the tears...the struggle...and movement toward healing.  Whatever we remember...we can look and know that we don't have to still be in pain.

I just thought it was an amazing thought.  So many times I've wondered why I can't let things go.  And in 45 seconds of a radio broadcast, he spoke.  It is in times like today that I remember how this works.  He is God...and I am not.

I want to remember His grace.  So I will try to look at those struggles in a different light from this point on. It is about looking beyond the memory to see His grace.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3