Blech

I am going to be brutally honest in this post. Today...I hate my body.



I am a 33 year old Mother of three. This body was not designed to stretch the way that it did...leaving me looking like a road map with many markings. (stretch markings) Our dryer quit this week. Which in itself seems like it might be enough to set someone over the edge...but that is not what upset me. What upset me was that I had to get out of my adorable Pink sweat pants from Victoria Secret...that are designed to totally hide all the extra fluff that I have been wearing around lately...and put on my jeans.



That is where I lost it. My jeans...the jeans that are a size bigger than the ones I wore LAST year...were tight. I have no idea why either. I ate cheese crackers and nerds for lunch. And I drank 2 DIET Dr. Peppers. So I am not sure what happened here. I used portion control...eating only three mini boxes of nerds that doesn't even equal a normal big box...and the cheese crackers were small. Plus...I drank diet pop! Where did I go wrong?

Ugh.

Today I hate my body. But more than hating my body, I hate myself for not taking care of this body. I have been given this gift of a body...which at this point looks more like a forgotten box in the back of the UPS truck than anything...but none the less...I've been given this body as a gift. And up until now...I have been grateful. I was given a high metabolism as a teenager. I was able to eat whatever I wanted...whenever I wanted...and didn't gain a pound. However...the metabolism has slowed down a bit. So the whatever and whenever have to stop. I know this. I also know that the activity level has to increase. I have had difficulty making that one happen as any free time I have in the short 24 hours that are given to me each day...I would like to spend sitting down...or sleeping. Which ever comes first.


So...this is me...having a pity party. This is me...staring my extra fluff square in the face. This is me...feeling sorry for myself because I am too tired...or I am too emotional...or I am to much of a woman. I let Coach have it too. "You don't help me!" or "You don't believe in me enough to think I will stick it out because I always quit!" or "You don't make me feel pretty."


Bull. Bull, bull, bull.


I don't help myself. I don't believe in myself enough. I don't make myself feel pretty. As a Mother of three...I know that beauty is on the inside. I know that I am beautiful to my husband and to my children. I know that I am beautiful to my parents and to my sister and friends. Not because I am in tip top shape. Not because I have great hair or super cute clothes. Not even because my jeans fit nicely. But because I love the Lord.




I love the Lord that gave me this body. I love the Lord that allowed me to carry three wonderful children. Okay...wonderful tonight might be stretching it...remember friends...I am in a mood. But...none the less...I was able to carry them. I sat in the bathtub tonight pouting. I took the advice of my bible study this past week and was still. Completely still. And do you know what I saw when I closed my eyes?



The pictures I am about to show you.





This is me one week before I gave birth to our oldest son. And that sitting on my belly is the half of cheese cake that I had just finished. Yep. That's right. And had there been a whole one, I probably would have eaten that too.
















This is Coach and I at Christmas, just six weeks before Middle was born. No food in this picture, but I am almost positive I had eaten my fair share of Christmas goodies.
















This is me shortly before having Little. I don't know what I was thinking. It seems as if I gained the least amount of weight with this child and I don't know why I didn't go all out. The body was already a done deal by this point.

















I closed my eyes and God showed me these images. I know what he is saying too. I am exactly what He meant for me to be. I could use to some "fine tuning" (in my best southern accent) for sure. And I am sure that God wants me to be healthy. But more than anything...He has a plan for my life. A plan including three wonderful (stretching it) boys and a few stretch marks.

I don't hate my body so much anymore.

Have a good one all!
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Let Go

It has been a long week. Not in a bad way...just in a 'it has been a long week' sort of way. It is early Friday morning and I am very much looking forward to the weekend watching the boys play ball...celebrating a very special first birthday with some friends...and working on our fleece tie blankets on Sunday to be followed by a trip to the Winter Jam concert here in Wichita. I can't tell you how happy I am that it is freezing cold again so the title "Winter Jam" makes sense. (that was me being sarcastic). I am not a fan of the cold. Tuesday...the windows were open...and the warm sun was sweeping through my house. A day later...it is freezing and raining. My good mood went away as fast as the warm temperatures did! But...I have a pretty spectacular weekend lined up so we'll just go with it. David Crowder Band is coming to Winter Jam. You have no idea how excited I am to hear them. I love their music and their devotion to God. I am so looking forward to worshiping with them on Sunday evening. The very first song I added to my playlist was a David Crowder Band song. I learned of their music from the Bring the Rain blog that you can find on my blog list below. I heard it and was immediately moved by their songs. In other words...I...Can't...Wait!!!

In reading my devotion today, it talked about letting go of the kite when flying it becomes more work than fun. The author used examples of failed marriages and children growing up to turn their backs on their parents.

I am not going to lie. It scared me to death. I feel like Coach and I put more effort into the lives of our kids than we do anything else. And I do that because that is why I had them. To love them. To support them. To guide...guard...and direct them. And the author of the book is telling me that sometimes doing all that you can for your child, isn't enough. She had a son with an addiction problem. And she wrote...

"I knew I was on my last breath when I realized I was working harder for his sobriety than he was." (Ellen Miller, Inspiration for Girlfriends)

How many times in life do we do that? How many times do we work harder to find something in someone than they do themselves? And how many times must we look at our own hands to realize there are no scars there? We continually try to save lives. But God is telling us...that isn't our job. We are to love our neighbors as ourselves. Jesus said those words himself. Love your neighbor as yourself. No where in that text does it say...Save your neighbor. And loving your neighbor...spouse...child...does not mean letting it drag you all over life. It means love them no matter what. Love them in their weakness. And know that no one loves them more than God.

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

One of my favorite David Crowder Band songs is How he loves us. I love the part in the verse that says...

He is jealous for me
His love's like a hurricane
I am the tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
And all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me

Oh how he loves us.

He loves us more than we can understand. And He loves the kite too. If we let go of the string...He'll take care of the kite in ways that He already has planned. And you'll feel the weight lift too. I hope I can remember to do this as my boys get older...letting go seems harder than hanging on. But I know with Him...all things are possible.

Have a blessed day!
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A reason to read

Back again...but I just wanted to quickly share this post from my friend Melissa's husband, Cody Busby. Cody is the pastor at the Mulvane Baptist Church and his wife is the author of the Road to Mercy Blog. Please read this post...it is wonderful. Enjoy!


http://roadtomercy.blogspot.com/

More to come later, I am sure! Have a good one!
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A few prayers please

Some friends of ours (Justin and Shelly McClure) took their kids on a vacation to Colorado last week and Justin ended up in the Vail Hospital ICU. They posted that he has Rhabdomyolisis. Which I am not exactly sure what that means. Something about muscle breakdown entering the bloodstream. It is quite serious and when he was admitted, I believe he was in a lot of pain. The latest update from facebook is below.

Justin was moved out of ICU today. He had a better day today. His CK level is down to 92,000. They have been pumping him with tons of fluids. He is retaining a lot of fluid now. His thighs are really swelling and hard which is painful for him to move. He is still on oxygen the pulmonologist said that the bases of his lungs have collapsed from him lying in bed. He is doing his incentive spirometer to help with that. They have turned his IV fluids down and giving him a diuretic to help pull some of the fluid he is retaining. He is just really tired still. Thank you for all the prayers.

Justin is the father of 4 and is the owner of his own graphics design company JustinMcClureTV. Justin is on board to do some website and video work with the Kyrie Foundation and is the graphic designer for the Layla Grace foundation as well. He is a very talented person and has a full plate. Please join me in praying for them right now as they fight this battle in unfamiliar territory. Also, please pray for the understanding of their children. Shelly is a stay at home Mom of four young children. I am sure they are confused at what is going on right now. Thanks so much!

More to come later!
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Coincidence? I think not...

Our church service on Sunday morning was such a blessing. The message was given by one of the youth in our church who has decided to go on a mission trip to Zimbabwe AND to join the ministry. He told us of his decision to become a minister and about the journey that led him to making that decision. He is embarking on a journey this coming August to Zimbabwe, Africa in hopes that the impact of the trip and the experience itself, will have a lifelong effect with his ministry. We were blessed to hear him speak. And you could hear a pin drop in that room. He had everyone's undivided attention.

Levi talked at length about the number of times someone suggested the ministry to him for his future...and the number of times he denied the idea. He brushed it off as if the people speaking to him about it were crazy. And finally, he heard the call for himself. Sitting there listening to this young man speak, I thought, How many times has God suggested something in my life that I have completely ignored? Just because God himself wasn't telling Levi that he should be come a pastor...God was in fact speaking to him through others. Levi never truly entertained the idea until he opened his ears enough to hear what God had to say to him.

At the end of Levi's message, he spoke about his favorite verse..

Luke 5: 27-28

After this, Jesus went out and saw a tax collector by the name of Levi sitting at his tax booth. “Follow me,” Jesus said to him, 28 and Levi got up, left everything and followed him.

Later Sunday night, at Bible Study, a friend and I were trying to tell the rest of the group about the verse that came out of the message. We told Levi's story and could not for the life of us think of this verse. It was a very powerful point to the end of the message and we just wanted to share with the others how cool this calling was for him. But...we were also trying to get on with our own bible study, so we stopped looking. I was so frustrated that I couldn't remember the verse...(not quite sure how I thought I'd ever remember it though...considering I can't remember where I put my coffee 5 minutes ago)

Last night, I received a text from one of my friends in the study...

Day 2 of our weekly work...

was about the verse that we all searched to find.

Coincidence?????

I think Not.

God's timing people...totally. For whatever reason, God wanted us to find that verse in his timing. Maybe after we'd let the story sink in. Maybe after we'd given serious thought to sponsoring Levi's trip. Maybe it wasn't about Levi at all...maybe it was about our desire to leave everything to follow him. I don't know...and I am guessing God wants it that way. But in His timing...we saw the light.

LOVE IT!!!

Thank you Lord for your continual touches in my life. Thank you for giving me reason after reason to live my life for you. Thank you for reminding me that you...(not me) is in complete control of every aspect of my life. You are amazing...and I am fully and completely yours.
Amen

Have a blessed day all! And if you feel called to sponsor Levi in some way, please do. You can make your checks out to Mulvane United Methodist Church and write Levi Nord Mission Trip in the memo line. Pastor Rick will be handling the collection efforts for Levi. I know...that this kid is going to do big things in his life. He is touched by God. He is following as he is told. And I also know that I want to help him in any way that I can. If you would like to join me in this effort, please mail your checks to

Attn: Pastor Rick Just
107 S. Central
Mulvane, KS 67110

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

To Give

The other day...I was talking to a friend in my living room when I noticed a burning smell. I immediately knew what it was from. (Okay...that is a lie...even though I wrote an entire blog post about this very thing about a year ago). I checked the candle I had burning and then I checked the oven. I knew it was coming from the kitchen...it was rather strong at this point. I looked over to see this smoke coming from the dishwasher...and I finally realized what was happening. I quickly opened the door to recover half of what used to be a whole tupperware lid from the heating element at the bottom of the dishwasher.

It reminded me of the post I wrote a year ago about sometimes the issue being right under our nose. Yet we miss what is happening because we are so busy looking elsewhere to find the problem.

PR talked this past Sunday about that very thing...having to do with Mission work. Sometimes we are so busy looking for mission work outside of our community...and even outside of our Country, that we don't realize the need for our work right here at home!

I would like to admit some guilt here. I have committed myself whole heartedly to the Kyrie Foundation. It is a passion. It is something I feel God led me to (no doubt) and that I am supposed to be allowing God to lead me through that mission. But...(here comes the guilt) I am TERRIBLE at looking in our bulletin to find things that are needed of me within the church. I have been known to look all over the internet for "ways to help" with different organizations. Which is NOT a bad thing. I have even considered at Mission trip somewhere outside the safe walls of my community. But...the truth is...there are many people in need right here. And there are many opportunities...right here. I am so busy looking elsewhere to help, that I am missing the need right under my nose. The half burnt tupperware lid...that could have been salvaged had I been paying attention to where the burning was coming from.

So...I would like to challenge anyone out there who reads this....to check with your church first. See if there is a mission that you can be helping with. Our church has a monthly mission that they print in the bulletin and this months is also posted here...http://www.mulvaneumc.com/missions. If you go to Mulvane United Methodist Church, please bring your donation to JAM or any of the other services THIS Sunday. Let's change the way others see the mission work within our church.

AND...if you would like, we will be making fleece tie blankets to take to the Pediatrics Unit at St. Francis Hospital on February 27th, from 2-4 pm. We could use all the help we could get. And I promise, you'll be fulfilled.

Get involved by first getting on your knees and asking God to open your eyes to the needs...and to guide you in the direction you need to go to serve Him.

Matthew 25:40“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Have a Blessed Day!
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Speaking to Me

Sometimes I read things and I would swear to you that God is speaking directly to me. This devotional has been such a blessing in my life. And it has given me the opportunity to look at myself over and over. Correcting things I thought were already correct. Stepping back and taking the time to dig deep into a life that I thought was on the right track. It holds me accountable and makes me think constantly about how much my life could change to benefit God.

This week's devotions have all been entitled 'When There's a Hole in your Soul'. And I am telling you...I have yet to find one that didn't effect me personally.

One was about realizing there is a hole in your soul. The kind of hole that we try to fill with things like clothing...food...alcohol (wine specifically and Guilty As Charged).

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

One was about needing to control things in your life. (only to find out that the only thing controlling you is the need to control things you can't control...What?)

Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. (Philippians 4:6)

One was about letting your job eat a hole in our soul. Are we doing something we enjoy? Or are we either bored with our job or is it too much. Are we in over our heads with something we do for a living? I have to be honest with you...I actually skipped this one to begin with because it was all about work. I stay at home...but then I realized...I am working here too. So I went back and read it and it totally applied to my life. Funny how I thought I could control what God wanted me to read...

God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen. (1 Peter 4:10-11)

And then one was about being cheated. We have all been cheated in this life. Or at least wronged in some way, shape or form. But it is the hatred that we hang onto that causes that hole to get bigger and bigger. The author wrote at the bottom of this devotion

Feeling cheated results in anger, and over time, anger turns to bitterness.
Bitterness is a poison that slowly eats a hole in your soul. Forgiveness works
as your antacid.
Ellen Miller, Inspiration for Girlfriends

I love that. Because it is so true. I have those people...and I am sure you do too. It is time to forgive and start allowing that hole to fill with love.

Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32)

My point in telling you all of these things is this. Here I am thinking I am on the right track with God. And then I read these devotions. And I feel that twinge of pain in my heart...telling me that I am off roading a bit. Each of these devotions shared the verses that I included and that really helped me to see how He can help with all of this.

Just when I think I am making strides...I look in the mirror and am faced with the reality. The reality that I need God. Every day. Every night. Every interaction with someone. Every conversation. I need Him to be present...so that I can share His love with others that have a void to fill.

Have a Blessed Day all!
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