School started on Monday for Mr. Nelson, Little, and myself. Big and Middle started the next day and since then, I've hardly seen my family. The big boys started football practice and Mr. is coaching so the three of them are a figment of my imagination during this time of year. Little has friends, football, and of course, his technology to keep him busy. I have a lot to keep me busy as well, but my mind continuously wanders when I have quiet time to myself.
Reflection-it's a blessing and a curse. I am and always have been a reflective individual. No matter what decisions I make, I always sit and think on whether that was the right choice, did I handle it well, what could I do differently or what can I celebrate in doing right?
I've been reflecting lately on life as a whole. As we start this year, we are missing something very important. Our Nana. Since she left us to be with Jesus, nothing has been the same. It is almost as if it didn't happen, until we feel the breathlessness that is the reality of her not being here to take a first day of school picture or buy the supplies. She took an active role in ALL of our lives and it just isn't the same without her. She was usually as excited for Steve and I to start school as we were. She loved taking on the volunteer role in my classroom and no one did it quite like her. She was referred to as the "Original" Mrs. Nelson (student nickname) and I known as "the other one". I'm sad that I won't have her with me this year in the room, but I KNOW she'll be there regardless.
The truth-we miss her more than we can even put into words.
But I'm so thankful for all the wonderful memories we have with her. I'm also thankful for the friendship my Mom had with her. My mom always knows when we need to talk and just what to say. She suffered the loss along side us and I'm forever grateful to have her when I feel myself falling apart.
As we start this year, we are also sending our oldest into his LAST year in school here in Mulvane. I'm trying to keep this in perspective as we roll through the first of all the lasts and it is tough. Again-tired...emotional...struggling. I look back at all of his pictures and wonder just when he grew up? I'm using that term loosely of course...because he's still a teenage boy you know. I hope and pray that we've done all we can to help him prepare for life outside of our little town. I look at his freckles and remember the first time we took him to a practice for sports. I remember when I dropped him off for kindergarten like it was no big deal and then hyperventilating when I got to the car. I remember taking him to the grade school, middle school, and high school orientation like it was yesterday. And here we are. He's almost an adult and I'm conflicted in the strongest way. I'm excited for all that is coming up, but can't help feel scared for what life will look like for him when he leaves me.
I have to remind myself daily that he was God's before he was mine and that according to Nana's favorite verse, God has a plan for his life.
The truth-I'm just not sure how to do this part of parenting.
Teaching-as I start this year of school, I am reminded again why I love what I do. In four days time, I have gotten to know my students and some of their families. I am SUPER excited for what this year has to bring and am looking forward to getting to know them all more. I had amazing students and families last year as well. Without them, I wouldn't have made it through the end of the year the way that I did. I'm sure that Nana had a say in the class selection for this year as I know they will be there to make me smile on days when I don't feel like smiling. They already warm my heart in ways I didn't think possible. God knew I needed these kids in my life...right now.
The truth-I love what I do and am so thankful for the opportunity to help them as they help me.
Old Settlers is coming up tomorrow. I usually love this time of year, but of course, it also comes with memories of Nana and the glaringly obvious truth that my babies who used to ride airplane rides are not babies anymore.
The truth-I'm going to eat fried cheesecake on a stick this weekend. Maybe even two.
IN CASE YOU SEE ME WITH TWO CHEESECAKES ON A STICK...you have two choices. Look away and let me deal, or come grab one and hang with me. :)
Change is hard.
Life is hard.
Loving change and loving life are worth it.
Cheesecake on a stick is worth it.
Have a good one-
Referee of 3
1 comment:
Amy, you are a fantastic Mrs. Nelson! Marc Anderson
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