I have this 16 year old son. He's adorable...most of the time. He has freckles and the sweetest dimples I've possibly ever seen...except on his Dad. Moving on...
He came to me tonight and said the strangest thing. He said..."Mom, can I show you what I got from the career fair yesterday?"
Sure I said...(casually, not actually understanding the sounds that were coming from his mouth)
He laid a bag on the table and pulled out college brochures. Yes. College. Now...for any of you who know me, you'll understand what I mean when I say that there wasn't a twizzler in sight and I needed one immediately.
My sweet...freckled...dimple faced child...that I birthed and love and take care of daily...wants to talk to me about college. You know...the part in life where they leave you?
Ha. (Crazy laugh coming...)
Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.
Bahahahahahahahahaha! (Followed by tears...)
Oh son...you are so sweet. You want to talk to me about leaving and I'm supposed to stand here and support the words that are coming from your mouth. Words like...I think I want to go here...and this is what I want to do with my life?
Your life? Child...you sound like a grown up. This nonsense must stop.
I broke into what I like to call the "First Day of Kindergarten" sweats. That day, as a young mom...I marched Big up to Kindergarten like we owned the place. We walked in...took pictures...found his seat...and I walked out as if nothing had changed in my life.
Somewhere between the door of the building and my car, I was sucker punched by reality. I had just casually dropped my child off at the first day of the rest of his life. The first day where I wouldn't be there to know everything he did, ate, said, etc. I felt cold, and then hot. I had tears in my eyes and they spilled over onto my cheeks before I even realized I was crying. This my friends...is the same thing that happened tonight in the kitchen.
College?
Life?
What my love...do you know about life?
You are going to live in my basement forever. You are going to text me daily and nightly forever! You are going to compliment my terrible cooking and hug me when I'm sad and make me laugh forever!!!
You can't go to college!!! I felt like I was screaming these words at the top of my lungs.
And then I realized...I was simply standing there being supportive. I said nothing but words of encouragement. It truly was an out of body experience.
I realize some of you will think this is an overreaction. This is what I truly do best. But, I can tell you that I was not prepared for that bag or that fair or that conversation.
With Middle just a short two years behind Big...I'm in full on panic attack mode. I have no time to waste. I'll need cookie dough, twizzlers, new pants, and God to deal with this transition that will no doubt happen no matter how hard I try to stop it.
Where did my babies go?
Thank you for listening...that is all.
Referee of 3
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