New year...new resolutions...new daily devotional. I'm thankful for many gifts at Christmas time, but one of my favorites is the devotional I receive from my parents every year in my "stocking". It is always a help when I set my new year's resolution to set aside time each day for the one who created me in the first place.
I can always tell when I have drifted too far off the path. Usually, during the holidays, I find myself cranky, busy, and overwhelmed. When I open my new devotional, I know I'll get my head straight and I know I have something to help me in doing so.
I've been reading this devotional and several others in an attempt to get my head and heart in the right place with God. This is always a challenging thing to do, but this year, it has seemed increasingly difficult to find my way back. It would appear that I strayed further than I thought. I found myself becoming numb to things that used to bring me back. I even stopped listening to Christian radio stations as they just seemed annoying and condescending. It seems that God noticed my lack of attention and I know that he worked pretty hard to get me back on track. He is still working in my heart today...and every day for the rest of my life. He loves me that much.
What is amazing to me is how my eyes were opened to all of the things I'd been missing for so long. I almost had no idea how lost I had become. One day...when God was able to reach me, I looked back and noticed, I couldn't see the path at all. I was in a place that I didn't even recognize. I needed help...direction...guidance...and love. So...this year's devotional is very special to me. It has been serving as a prayer tool and a compass. And bonus...it has a pink cover that I love.
Today's devotion was titled "He Chose You". To sum it up, it talks about God's love and how we can't do anything to make him love us more. We can do things to serve God, but as far as increasing his love for us, it is impossible. He loves us unconditionally from the moment he creates us. In reading between the lines...and listening for him to speak to me through those words, I suddenly realized, I can't make him love me less either. Nothing I do...makes God love me less. No matter how far I've strayed off the path...he loves me. No matter how many times I refused to pray, or turned the radio station. No matter how many times I didn't want to go to church, or made poor decisions...he loves me. No matter what we've done...he loves us the same as he did when he created us.
Crazy...crazy...love.
One that I would love to understand more and show to others.
He chose me...to love...forever...no matter what.
Sometimes when you are the most lost in this life...you become found.
Isn't that amazing?
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
Referee of 3
Monday, February 2, 2015
Monday, October 13, 2014
Parenting is NOT for the weak
I'm thinking of writing a new line of baby shower cards. I'm going to call the line...
Parenting is NOT For The Weak.
I think new parents should know what they are up against. Pastel colors, baby shoes, bottles, and sweet baby animals don't tell the whole story. Not once...did I receive a card that said..."Hold on for dear life when they turn 3". I don't remember reading one that said..."when they are 11...regardless of whether they are a boy or a girl...they'll cry without warning." No one told me that teenagers are from mars. I don't remember anyone saying..."here's my number...call me when you need me to take them off your hands at 15". Everyone wanted to hold them at 15 weeks...but not at 15 years. I get it now. And I think others should know too.
I know...I sound crazy. Stay with me.
I've thought about this one card though...that really should go to every parent in the world. Or Grandparent. Or anyone that cares about children really. I'm calling it...the Lemon.
You see...as a parent...occasionally, life hands your child a lemon. And you have to teach them to make lemonade. Or lemon cake. Or a delicious slice of lemon pie like my granny makes. I can remember the first lemon every handed to Big. He was standing at the door at his daycare, and he got his little bitty hand shut in it. We had to take him for stitches and it was awful. I remember sitting there thinking...how awful for my baby. And how did this happen? It wasn't anyone's fault. No one intentionally hurt him. He just got hurt. It was a big ol' lemon.
As a parent, there isn't anything worse than watching your child hurt.
I can remember watching Middle go through getting his tonsils out. It wasn't fair that his tonsils were defective. It wasn't fair that he had to have them out and had a bad, bad, bad, time with the recovery. It wasn't anyone's fault. It just was a big ol' lemon.
These two examples happen to be a physical hurt, but all kinds of lemons can occur in the life of a child. We've also dealt with emotional hurts as well. We've had a few heartbreaks...we've had a few sport-aches...we've had a few school disappointments. And we always tell them...when life hands you a lemon...you make lemonade.
How cliche.
As our kids have gotten older, the lemons are less random and more by some of their choices. And as a parent...that is a hard lemon drop to swallow. (too much?) It is more like...when you choose a lemon from the grocery store...you have to make the best of it by making something awesome with that lemon.
When things happen that we as parents deem "unfair"...we have to remember that it is a result of perhaps the choices they've made along the way. I think if I were to be honest with myself...90% of the lemons that have ended up in my basket have been due to my own choices prior to arriving at the store.
We like to blame things on just random unfortunate events. However...somehow, we usually have a hand in the way things turn out. As do our kids.
I worry all the time when my children face disappointment. You don't want them to have to deal with sad, bad, and mad feelings. As a momma bear...I want to find blame in anyone BUT them. However...in my heart of hearts...I usually know where at least a fraction of the blame lies.
I also have to realize that it is through many of my own lemons that I've learned to be what I am today. If it weren't for lemons, I wouldn't have Coach. I wouldn't have my boys, my teaching job, and many other important aspects of my life.
I need to fall on my faith and let my kids have their moments of success and "failure" without placing blame on random lemons.
It is just so darn hard. The end.
If you are a parent and you get what I'm saying, punch in.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
The Lemon Card
Congratulations on your new baby! In life, they'll make choices that you'll want to blame on random lemons...but, really you need to know that they picked the lemon and they need to learn from it and make something amazing out of their mistakes. Oh...and they'll be terrible at age 3, 11, and 15. Good luck!
Love,
Amy
Parenting is NOT For The Weak.
I think new parents should know what they are up against. Pastel colors, baby shoes, bottles, and sweet baby animals don't tell the whole story. Not once...did I receive a card that said..."Hold on for dear life when they turn 3". I don't remember reading one that said..."when they are 11...regardless of whether they are a boy or a girl...they'll cry without warning." No one told me that teenagers are from mars. I don't remember anyone saying..."here's my number...call me when you need me to take them off your hands at 15". Everyone wanted to hold them at 15 weeks...but not at 15 years. I get it now. And I think others should know too.
I know...I sound crazy. Stay with me.
I've thought about this one card though...that really should go to every parent in the world. Or Grandparent. Or anyone that cares about children really. I'm calling it...the Lemon.
You see...as a parent...occasionally, life hands your child a lemon. And you have to teach them to make lemonade. Or lemon cake. Or a delicious slice of lemon pie like my granny makes. I can remember the first lemon every handed to Big. He was standing at the door at his daycare, and he got his little bitty hand shut in it. We had to take him for stitches and it was awful. I remember sitting there thinking...how awful for my baby. And how did this happen? It wasn't anyone's fault. No one intentionally hurt him. He just got hurt. It was a big ol' lemon.
As a parent, there isn't anything worse than watching your child hurt.
I can remember watching Middle go through getting his tonsils out. It wasn't fair that his tonsils were defective. It wasn't fair that he had to have them out and had a bad, bad, bad, time with the recovery. It wasn't anyone's fault. It just was a big ol' lemon.
These two examples happen to be a physical hurt, but all kinds of lemons can occur in the life of a child. We've also dealt with emotional hurts as well. We've had a few heartbreaks...we've had a few sport-aches...we've had a few school disappointments. And we always tell them...when life hands you a lemon...you make lemonade.
How cliche.
As our kids have gotten older, the lemons are less random and more by some of their choices. And as a parent...that is a hard lemon drop to swallow. (too much?) It is more like...when you choose a lemon from the grocery store...you have to make the best of it by making something awesome with that lemon.
When things happen that we as parents deem "unfair"...we have to remember that it is a result of perhaps the choices they've made along the way. I think if I were to be honest with myself...90% of the lemons that have ended up in my basket have been due to my own choices prior to arriving at the store.
We like to blame things on just random unfortunate events. However...somehow, we usually have a hand in the way things turn out. As do our kids.
I worry all the time when my children face disappointment. You don't want them to have to deal with sad, bad, and mad feelings. As a momma bear...I want to find blame in anyone BUT them. However...in my heart of hearts...I usually know where at least a fraction of the blame lies.
I also have to realize that it is through many of my own lemons that I've learned to be what I am today. If it weren't for lemons, I wouldn't have Coach. I wouldn't have my boys, my teaching job, and many other important aspects of my life.
I need to fall on my faith and let my kids have their moments of success and "failure" without placing blame on random lemons.
It is just so darn hard. The end.
If you are a parent and you get what I'm saying, punch in.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
The Lemon Card
Congratulations on your new baby! In life, they'll make choices that you'll want to blame on random lemons...but, really you need to know that they picked the lemon and they need to learn from it and make something amazing out of their mistakes. Oh...and they'll be terrible at age 3, 11, and 15. Good luck!
Love,
Amy
Saturday, September 20, 2014
#itwillhold
I read something the other day that has been with me ever since.
"Protecting open, nonjudgmental dialogue about difficult subjects with our kids is key. Maybe less when they are six, but when they are sixteen, they need to know they can ask hard spiritual questions without getting shut down, patronized, or dismissed. Fear is what generally makes us react with dogmatism (Slippery slope! Dangerous questions! Future heretic!), but God has never turned away a seeker and neither should we. Our children can press extremely hard on the gospel and it will hold." Jen Hatmaker
The last sentence is what got me the most. "Our children can press extremely hard on the gospel and it will hold".
Too often...even as adults, we forget this. I so often say yes to things that I should say No to because I worry about the effect it will have on my life. I worry about the effect it will have on my children's lives. Like saying no to "duel sports", or saying no to heading up a committee that I have no time for. I've been reading a book called "The Best Yes". This book talks about committing only when you have enough of you to give it your all.
For me...sometimes I commit to things because I feel like that is what the person asking wants me to do. I don't commit because it is what I should or need to do. This week, we were in over our heads as far as our schedule is concerned. We need to say no sometimes for our sake and for the sake of our family. We cram as many things in as we can to get our kids in the right place or to keep them from falling behind. We do the same things to ourselves to please others.
Who pays the price for that?
Our family.
We don't sit at the table for dinner. We cram homework into breakfast time. We have cranky kids and fussy parents because we said yes when we should have fallen on what we know to be true. Our faith. I spend many nights thinking about the what ifs in this world. If we say no...what if? What if we say no and they don't ask "him" to be on the team again? What if we say no and "they" think we're not a dependable employee. What if we say no and we don't get included to go with that group of friends again?
The what ifs are to be answered by what we know to be true.
What if we said no...and the consequence that takes place...is exactly what is supposed to happen to us...to our kids...to our jobs...FOR our families?
We can press extremely hard on the gospel and it will hold.
Food for thought. What better way to teach our children about the strength of our faith, than to test it every now and again?
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Nelson #85
I had one of those ah-ha parenting moments tonight. I feel like I should have had this long ago with this child, but I guess parenting is a journey...not a destination.
My Middle is a 7th grader and is playing school sports for the first time this football season. He's been so excited and we are excited for him. His sports are NOT to be overshadowed by his older brother's first year in High School football. However...sometimes, my emotions and my complete panic set in and take over. I feel as if my Big is slipping away. High School? No...surely not. After my complete and total panic attack about Big being in high school, I decide I must document EVERYTHING. I take pictures of him all of the time because I feel like he is slowly growing into a man and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I realized just the other day that I put a picture of he and I coming out of his football parent meeting on instagram.
I did NOT do this for middle.
Looking back, I'm certain this made him feel (at the least) unappreciated. Wasn't his meeting picture worthy? Of course it was. I just don't feel the need to document everything with him like I do Big. Because...well...he's my Middle! And I'm certain he isn't only 2.5 years behind my Big...and leaving me in a short time as well. (insert realization here)
Hold please...I need to eat something.
He is only 2.5 years behind my Big and he is his own person growing faster than I can keep up. And sometimes...I'm so busy focusing on what I'm about to lose with one, that I miss what is actually happening with the others.
Parenting fail.
Don't look at me like that. I'm sure you've done it too. Right? (say yes)
Here's the best part. Middle is an amazing kid. He is totally a middle and wears it well. He's adjusted to my crazy-ness and loves me anyway. He is independent and loving. He is responsible and awesome. (Sometimes a little moody, but I think that is more age than birth order)
Where is she going with this? Hold please...
Middle came home from practice the other night to inform us that his number in football was going to someone in a skills position. Now...let me tell you...his number...is Big's number. And that number was their Dad's number. I have jerseys and necklaces made for this very purpose. We are Nelson 22...or we were. I thought he'd be devastated. I even prepared a speech for when he came home with his new jersey to soften the blow. This number is just...important. Why? I really have no idea.
Middle comes home from practice tonight wearing a new jersey. He's number 85. His smile was from ear to ear. He looked so adorable and cute and grown up and awesome that I cried. I did...(totally). He was so happy to have his new number. I think he was even happier to have his "own" number.
Sometimes, we try to make them into other people. Sometimes we try to make them into something they just aren't. Sometimes we even try to make them into something they don't want to be.
And then we realize...they are who they are. They are who God fearfully and wonderfully made them to be. There isn't another Tanner B. Sometimes as a parent...it takes them realizing who they are on their own for us to really see what they have become.
He is so sweet...he is mine...and he is Nelson #85.
I hope my kids know that I want them to be who they are...and no one else.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 22, 85, and Little
My Middle is a 7th grader and is playing school sports for the first time this football season. He's been so excited and we are excited for him. His sports are NOT to be overshadowed by his older brother's first year in High School football. However...sometimes, my emotions and my complete panic set in and take over. I feel as if my Big is slipping away. High School? No...surely not. After my complete and total panic attack about Big being in high school, I decide I must document EVERYTHING. I take pictures of him all of the time because I feel like he is slowly growing into a man and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I realized just the other day that I put a picture of he and I coming out of his football parent meeting on instagram.
I did NOT do this for middle.
Looking back, I'm certain this made him feel (at the least) unappreciated. Wasn't his meeting picture worthy? Of course it was. I just don't feel the need to document everything with him like I do Big. Because...well...he's my Middle! And I'm certain he isn't only 2.5 years behind my Big...and leaving me in a short time as well. (insert realization here)
Hold please...I need to eat something.
He is only 2.5 years behind my Big and he is his own person growing faster than I can keep up. And sometimes...I'm so busy focusing on what I'm about to lose with one, that I miss what is actually happening with the others.
Parenting fail.
Don't look at me like that. I'm sure you've done it too. Right? (say yes)
Here's the best part. Middle is an amazing kid. He is totally a middle and wears it well. He's adjusted to my crazy-ness and loves me anyway. He is independent and loving. He is responsible and awesome. (Sometimes a little moody, but I think that is more age than birth order)
Where is she going with this? Hold please...
Middle came home from practice the other night to inform us that his number in football was going to someone in a skills position. Now...let me tell you...his number...is Big's number. And that number was their Dad's number. I have jerseys and necklaces made for this very purpose. We are Nelson 22...or we were. I thought he'd be devastated. I even prepared a speech for when he came home with his new jersey to soften the blow. This number is just...important. Why? I really have no idea.
Middle comes home from practice tonight wearing a new jersey. He's number 85. His smile was from ear to ear. He looked so adorable and cute and grown up and awesome that I cried. I did...(totally). He was so happy to have his new number. I think he was even happier to have his "own" number.
Sometimes, we try to make them into other people. Sometimes we try to make them into something they just aren't. Sometimes we even try to make them into something they don't want to be.
And then we realize...they are who they are. They are who God fearfully and wonderfully made them to be. There isn't another Tanner B. Sometimes as a parent...it takes them realizing who they are on their own for us to really see what they have become.
He is so sweet...he is mine...and he is Nelson #85.
I hope my kids know that I want them to be who they are...and no one else.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 22, 85, and Little
Thursday, August 14, 2014
#Thankful
Okay...here it is.
School is starting. School HAS started for Coach and I. I wanted to write about a little personal success that we've been having. It will come in the words of failure, but you'll see hints of success shining through. We'll call this...the I'm Thankful Project. #Imthankfulproject
1. I'm thankful that Coach and I both have jobs where we love what we do and we do what we love.
2. I'm thankful that we have family who supports us and helps out in times of need.
3. I'm thankful that the boys had a successful mowing business this summer to support their trips to Midway, Taco Bell, and the mall.
4. I'm thankful that our house is a complete disaster. Crooked lampshades, socks on counter tops, cap gun trash on the floor...all proof that the house still stands. After a week of us working, and our children being home without parental supervision...it is a complete wreck. There is a cereal bowl on the counter from...I'm not sure when. I know for a fact, the boys forgot to feed Little on Tuesday. He made his own lunch of multiple packs of fruit snacks and chips. Our laundry pile is taller than Middle. But...the house...still...stands. #thankful
5. I'm thankful for the speeches of injustice and unfairness from our Big and Middle over having to stay home with a little brother. The countless eye rolls and muttering under their breath makes it all worth it. I'm sorry boys...that we have full time jobs and you have the joy of being home in the air conditioned house with electronics, food, and cap guns. How awful for you. I love your speeches though. It makes me see how ready you'll be for presentations in school. #thankful
6. I'm thankful for the quiet moments in the middle of the night when I wake up in a blind panic wondering if I forgot to buy goldfish or printed a transportation sign up sheet for meet the teacher night. I'll keep my complaining about work to a minimum seeing how I've been away from it for a few months. ;) But you should know that even teachers...worry in the night about Meet the Teacher night. For any of my future students...I'm nervous too. We're in this together. :) #thankful
7. I'm thankful for the therapy session I had with Little on our walk yesterday. He had a complete meltdown of not wanting to go back to school and wondered if I could Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease just stay home and home school him since I am now a teacher and know what I'm doing. Oh Little....no. I'm sending you to school where your totally awesome and capable 2nd grade teacher will teach you all you need to know and will make sure you get more to eat for lunch than fruit snacks and chips. She'll take care of your worries and your nerves to the best of her ability. Bless your heart sweetie...you need to go back to school. #thankful
8. Finally...I'm thankful that the fried food frenzy that we call Old Settlers is upon us. I can't wait to get to the streets of Mulvane and eat the food that will no doubt impede my progress during my 5:30 a.m. aerobics class on Monday morning. If I don't blog again next week, you can pretty much guarantee I'm slumped over my step with my hands gripped around my body bar praying for mercy. The cheesecake on a stick will be worth it though. #thankful
Punch in Coach. We have a house...three healthy kids...and full time jobs that we love. We are successful. Even through crooked lampshades and children who are less than pleased with us. #thankful
Happy Day Friends!
Referee of 3
School is starting. School HAS started for Coach and I. I wanted to write about a little personal success that we've been having. It will come in the words of failure, but you'll see hints of success shining through. We'll call this...the I'm Thankful Project. #Imthankfulproject
1. I'm thankful that Coach and I both have jobs where we love what we do and we do what we love.
2. I'm thankful that we have family who supports us and helps out in times of need.
3. I'm thankful that the boys had a successful mowing business this summer to support their trips to Midway, Taco Bell, and the mall.
4. I'm thankful that our house is a complete disaster. Crooked lampshades, socks on counter tops, cap gun trash on the floor...all proof that the house still stands. After a week of us working, and our children being home without parental supervision...it is a complete wreck. There is a cereal bowl on the counter from...I'm not sure when. I know for a fact, the boys forgot to feed Little on Tuesday. He made his own lunch of multiple packs of fruit snacks and chips. Our laundry pile is taller than Middle. But...the house...still...stands. #thankful
5. I'm thankful for the speeches of injustice and unfairness from our Big and Middle over having to stay home with a little brother. The countless eye rolls and muttering under their breath makes it all worth it. I'm sorry boys...that we have full time jobs and you have the joy of being home in the air conditioned house with electronics, food, and cap guns. How awful for you. I love your speeches though. It makes me see how ready you'll be for presentations in school. #thankful
6. I'm thankful for the quiet moments in the middle of the night when I wake up in a blind panic wondering if I forgot to buy goldfish or printed a transportation sign up sheet for meet the teacher night. I'll keep my complaining about work to a minimum seeing how I've been away from it for a few months. ;) But you should know that even teachers...worry in the night about Meet the Teacher night. For any of my future students...I'm nervous too. We're in this together. :) #thankful
7. I'm thankful for the therapy session I had with Little on our walk yesterday. He had a complete meltdown of not wanting to go back to school and wondered if I could Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease just stay home and home school him since I am now a teacher and know what I'm doing. Oh Little....no. I'm sending you to school where your totally awesome and capable 2nd grade teacher will teach you all you need to know and will make sure you get more to eat for lunch than fruit snacks and chips. She'll take care of your worries and your nerves to the best of her ability. Bless your heart sweetie...you need to go back to school. #thankful
8. Finally...I'm thankful that the fried food frenzy that we call Old Settlers is upon us. I can't wait to get to the streets of Mulvane and eat the food that will no doubt impede my progress during my 5:30 a.m. aerobics class on Monday morning. If I don't blog again next week, you can pretty much guarantee I'm slumped over my step with my hands gripped around my body bar praying for mercy. The cheesecake on a stick will be worth it though. #thankful
Punch in Coach. We have a house...three healthy kids...and full time jobs that we love. We are successful. Even through crooked lampshades and children who are less than pleased with us. #thankful
Happy Day Friends!
Referee of 3
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
#Happy
I've seen a lot posts about 'Happy Days' lately on Facebook. I haven't joined in with the pictures or the 100 days because I tend to forget things. I'm sure I would forget to post on...shall we say...day two. But that...coupled with a pin I saw on Pinterest got me thinking.
As parents...we sometimes are a little hard on ourselves as far as how well we are doing in the eyes of others.
I have been pretty hard on myself over the past week over a few mistakes that I like to refer to as 'The Epic Parenting Fails of the Summer of 2014'. I like to give things titles. It's just something I do.
Moving on...
I post about my short comings because I think it makes others feel like they are normal. We are always trying to compare ourselves to the image of a perfect parent. I've never seen one (sorry Mom and Dad...you run a close race) in person...only in theory. In my mind, the perfect Mom gets up and reads a devotional, works out, makes a hot breakfast, gets cleaned up and ready to go and has her first cup of coffee in silence before her children wake up happy and beautiful. They are always on time, look amazing, and have a positive attitude. They are always smiling, rested, and in great shape. The perfect parent has respectful, helpful, compassionate children. They cook, clean, and do yard work without breaking a sweat. They attend church weekly and have a family meal at the table every night. They pray and fall asleep smiling.
When I don't model myself after this perfect image, I become unhappy. I'm unhappy when I get lost in a prayer. I'm unhappy when I only get half the house cleaned. I'm unhappy when we eat dinner on the run. I'm unhappy when I take my kid to church camp on the wrong day. I feel like a failure when I don't fit into this perfect box.
When I'm unhappy, what my kids get is a stressed, mean, hateful, failure of a mom.
Now...don't get me wrong. Clearly I have things to work on. I need an assistant. And I need an assistant for my assistant in order to get my calendar right. I'm not saying it is okay to live in a state of constant chaos. I am saying that maybe we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves when we don't fit into the definition of the perfect parent.
The day I took Middle to church camp (a week early), I cried for like three miles. Literally. Do you know what Middle did? He teared up right there with me. He patted my shoulder and told me repeatedly that it was alright. He said..."Everyone makes mistakes Mom." He then spent the next three miles telling me all of the reasons this "actually worked out better." As I reflected on that "mistake"...I saw a glimpse of the person that kid is turning out to be. And somewhere in my reflection of a failure of a mother...I taught him to find the good in things.
Maybe I'm not a failure.
Maybe I'm not the perfect parent and maybe I have a lot of things to work on, but maybe I'm not a failure.
Seeing this quote made me realize that I need to give my children the gift of a Happy Mother. A Happy Mother that is not completely unsatisfied with who she is as a person.
I may not always be on time. I may not always be put together. I may not always get my devotional done or my workout in. I may not always say the right things or make the right choices.
But I love them more than anything in this world. And that...makes me #Happy
Referee of 3
P.S.-I made a whole plate of cookies without burning them. That is a little personal success story. <3
I have been pretty hard on myself over the past week over a few mistakes that I like to refer to as 'The Epic Parenting Fails of the Summer of 2014'. I like to give things titles. It's just something I do.
Moving on...
I post about my short comings because I think it makes others feel like they are normal. We are always trying to compare ourselves to the image of a perfect parent. I've never seen one (sorry Mom and Dad...you run a close race) in person...only in theory. In my mind, the perfect Mom gets up and reads a devotional, works out, makes a hot breakfast, gets cleaned up and ready to go and has her first cup of coffee in silence before her children wake up happy and beautiful. They are always on time, look amazing, and have a positive attitude. They are always smiling, rested, and in great shape. The perfect parent has respectful, helpful, compassionate children. They cook, clean, and do yard work without breaking a sweat. They attend church weekly and have a family meal at the table every night. They pray and fall asleep smiling.
When I don't model myself after this perfect image, I become unhappy. I'm unhappy when I get lost in a prayer. I'm unhappy when I only get half the house cleaned. I'm unhappy when we eat dinner on the run. I'm unhappy when I take my kid to church camp on the wrong day. I feel like a failure when I don't fit into this perfect box.
When I'm unhappy, what my kids get is a stressed, mean, hateful, failure of a mom.
Now...don't get me wrong. Clearly I have things to work on. I need an assistant. And I need an assistant for my assistant in order to get my calendar right. I'm not saying it is okay to live in a state of constant chaos. I am saying that maybe we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves when we don't fit into the definition of the perfect parent.
The day I took Middle to church camp (a week early), I cried for like three miles. Literally. Do you know what Middle did? He teared up right there with me. He patted my shoulder and told me repeatedly that it was alright. He said..."Everyone makes mistakes Mom." He then spent the next three miles telling me all of the reasons this "actually worked out better." As I reflected on that "mistake"...I saw a glimpse of the person that kid is turning out to be. And somewhere in my reflection of a failure of a mother...I taught him to find the good in things.
Maybe I'm not a failure.
Maybe I'm not the perfect parent and maybe I have a lot of things to work on, but maybe I'm not a failure.
Seeing this quote made me realize that I need to give my children the gift of a Happy Mother. A Happy Mother that is not completely unsatisfied with who she is as a person.
I may not always be on time. I may not always be put together. I may not always get my devotional done or my workout in. I may not always say the right things or make the right choices.
But I love them more than anything in this world. And that...makes me #Happy
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P.S.-I made a whole plate of cookies without burning them. That is a little personal success story. <3
Monday, July 7, 2014
Focus
Dear God,
Please be with...
Please help...
Please give me peace with...
Did I ever pull those baseball pants out of the washer?
Did we miss the boys' haircuts last week?
How many days until we report back to school?
Oh...sorry God.
Uhmmmmmm...please give me strength and patience for...
Is our dog out? Whose dog is barking like that? What time is it?
Is that my phone?
Sorry God...I'm out.
Amen
Welcome to my prayer time. It isn't always like this. Sometimes it is worse. I can't focus. When I do focus, I'm interrupted. I feel like a failure at praying, yet I know the importance of doing so.
At church yesterday, our pastor talked about "firework moments" in your walk with Christ. How some people have amazing firework moments while others have moments that come a little at a time. Sometimes a building is in the way...but you can see the fireworks enough to know they are there and you can imagine that in all their glory, how amazing they must be.
Sometimes my walk can be like that. I stray far enough away from my faith that the fireworks are almost out of sight completely. But...I catch a glimpse and I'm pulled back in. I tried to sit this morning and have quiet prayer time because I was searching for the fireworks. That's when the crazy prayer from above happens.
I am in need of focus.
Maybe I'll start small...like with exercise. If I start with 5 push ups...I'll find my way to many push ups.
Dear God,
Please help me focus on you.
Amen
I know God knows the desires of my heart. I'll try to put less in words and more in shifting my focus and finding the fireworks again.
Now...about those baseball pants...
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