Once Upon A Time...

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Steve.  He loved to watch baseball with his dad.  He grew up watching college and major league ball and eventually learned to love playing the game himself.  His Dad helped him learn how to think like a ball player.  As his dad lost his ability to play with him, he helped him run through scenario after scenario.  This mental preparation helped him become the ball player he was and the coach he has become.  Steve lost his dad at the age of 19.  

At the age of 24, Steve became a dad himself.   He raised three boys who also love the game of baseball.  All three had the opportunity to experience baseball in the same capacity.  They watched games and learned how to think like a ball player.  They also got the opportunity to learn under their dad as he coached their teams.  

Steve's first state baseball appearance was in 1986, when he went with the high school team as a bat boy.  His second and third state baseball appearances were in 1992 and 1993 with his high school baseball team.  He played second base.  His most recent state appearance was in 2019 with Tanner's high school baseball team.  And today, he leaves for another state appearance.  This time with Brady.  

To say these experiences are special is an understatment.  Baseball has been a huge part of who he is and what he loves.  Our family has gotten to experience both the highs and lows of this very sport.  

To say Steve is a good coach would also be an understatment.  He is so much more than a baseball coach.  He is a dad, a friend, a mentor, and he has loved all of his players. He teaches them what it means to be a good teammate.  He pushes them to believe in themselves and in the greater good.  He truly believes that they are a family.  Every player.  Every stat.  Every minute of every game.  It is all for the team.  He helps them face adversity with grace.  He helps them see their talent and their timing.  He loves them.  Truly.  And we are so glad to call him ours.  

I've looked through so many pictures lately.  With baseball and graduation, I've done nothing, but scroll through these pictures trying to find the right one that portrays their talents and skills.  But what I've been able to see more, are not the moments when they individually did their best, but when they came together as one.  

No matter what happens, this team has won.  

I couldn't be happier for Steve, Brady, and for all of the boys and their families.  

Go CATS!!

Granny

 

You know by the title that if you are not in the mood for a good cry, you should exit.  

Grief is so weird.  

My heart hurts and then it's okay.  Then it hurts.  Then it is okay.  

Someone once referred to grief as waves in the ocean, taking your breath away until they calm.  

Someone else referred to grief as a button in a box with a bouncing ball.  The ball bounces and bounces and hits the grief button often in the beginning.  Over time, the ball gets smaller and hits the button less. But when it hits, it hits with the same intensity.  

Grief is difficult to navigate through.  Tears come at the most inopportune moments and we don't know how to react.  We try to push them away, but these tears don't stop on command.  Our heart forces us to feel until the feeling subsides.  

I am missing Granny very much.  We all are.  The women in our family...we just miss her greatness.  

To be loved by someone so completey...so unconditionally...love in its truest form.  

The kind of love that writes "Don't ever change Amy.  You're what the world needs more of.", in a birthday card.  

The kind of love that says, come in-have a snack-tell me about your day.  

The kind of love that cries when you cry and smiles when you smile.  

We can only hope to be loved by someone that way.  Without hesitation.  Without reservation.  Without judgement.  Loved like Jesus loves us.  

Below are the words I spoke at her funeral.  I think they are worth sharing because she was something special.  She was one of a kind and she was our Granny.  

Today I am just missing her.  The waves just keep coming...until the waters calm.  

Thank you for coming today.  When thinking about what to write in remembrance of Granny, I decided to come up with a few words that make me think of her. 

 

Kindness-The first word that came to mind when remembering Granny’s life was kindness.  As a child we were taught to be kind and she modeled that lesson throughout our entire lives.  If you can’t be kind, be quiet. Because in the quiet, you might better understand the reasons for the other person’s perspective.  If you listen, you hear.  Granny was the best listener.  She took in every word, not offering solutions or advice, but just a quiet presence that allowed us to work through our own thoughts and problems.  She had tears when we had tears.  She smiled when we smiled.  She was simply a reflection of our emotions.  Like a still pond on a quiet morning.  She listened with kindness.  She was kind when she listened.  Her kindness spoke louder than any words ever could. 

 

Pink-I love pink.  It’s my very favorite color.  I think that has a lot to do with Granny.  She also loved pink.  She loved all things pink, and girly, and wonderful.  When they built their houses, she had pink in the decor.  I loved that so much that I also incorporated pink into my front bathroom.  Pink tiles and a countertop to match.  Just like Granny.  Even in a house full of boys, it was okay to be a girl.  When I see pink anything, I think of Granny.  She was beautiful in pink and she wore it often.  It complimented her fair skin tone and her beautiful blue eyes.  When I think of the feminine beauty of pink, I think of her.  I always will. 

 

Lipstick-From the time when we were little, lipstick has always been something I loved about granny.  She took such pride in her appearance.  She was a woman of grace and poise.  She got up every morning and got ready to face whatever the day offered.  That included a full face of makeup to enhance her beautiful features, and always, her pink lipstick.  I can still see her putting it on.  She applied it after every meal, just like Mom.  She was the essence of beauty and her lipstick was something she made a priority.  I’ll never go without a compact and a colorful lipstick, in honor of Granny.  Putting on her lipstick was like putting on her strength to face the day, the evening, the wedding, the funeral, the birth, the shopping trip, the everything.  To some, it is just make up.  To the women in this family, it is a weapon.  We put it on and we can do just about anything  Don’t ever forget your lipstick. 

 

Flowers-Granny loved floral everything.  From bedding and furniture to decorations and gardens.  She loved flowers.  She always had the most lovely gardens.  She took special care of her flowers and when she couldn’t, Grandpa did. She had a blue and mauve floral couch that I loved sitting on.  It was in the living room and it was fancy.  Her taste in everything made you feel fancy, even if you weren’t.  I bet the flowers in heaven bloomed as she arrived.  Mom seemed to struggle when talking to me about the flowers for the service and I think this is because knowing how much she loved them, she wanted to get it just right.  And I think she would LOVE the flowers you chose.  They are perfect in every way. 

 

Gathering-Gathering as a family is something that we have done for as long as I can remember.  We gathered at Granny and Grandpa’s house until they were unable to host anymore.  The last gathering we had at Granny’s was after Grandpa passed.  Those were terrible moments, but we were there together.  Cindy was very sick and Rick…watching you with her in those moments is something I’ll never forget. Cindy was in the chair next to granny and you tried to help her up, but she fell back down.  You laughed.  Cindy laughed.  Granny laughed.  And seeing that laughter in the midst of such sadness taught me so much about the character of this family.  Granny was our matriarch and gathering was not optional.  If she had a gathering, you came.  You brought anyone you wanted, but you came and ate.  We prayed.  We ate.  We played games.  We ate dessert.  But we gathered in a way that made us feel better when we were together.  When Granny sold her house a couple of years ago, it was the loss of our gathering place that hurt the most.  What were we to do when we didn’t have their home to gather in?  As a family, we invaded the Villa.  And we gathered.  We did the thing that Granny loved the most in life.  We were together.  And here we are gathered again today because of her.  She taught us that being together,  even in the worst of times, was important.  Gathering in the best of times was the easy part.  But being together when the world seemed to come crashing down on one of us, was even more important.  Family is everything.  She taught that.  She lived it.  And she expects nothing less from all of us.  We will continue to gather and make family important to honor her because she would want that. 

 

Baking-Granny was such an amazing cook and baker.  We have eaten like Kings our whole lives at her house.  I remember her making me honey sandwiches whenever I wanted them as a little girl.  It was honey on bread, but that was what I wanted and she made it for me without saying a word.  She made the most amazing desserts and I’ll never forget our times making candy cane cookies as a family.  Granny had a heart for feeding our families.  She made the food to bring in the people.  Little did she know that we would have come for pizza and oreos if she told us to.  Her kitchens in every house are the parts I remember the most because she was there and we gathered there to be with her.  There will never be a lemon meringue pie like hers.  Hers was simply the best. 

 

Shopping-our shopping trips with Granny were THE BEST.  She loved looking at things and shopping with all of us kids.  I have the most amazing memories of shopping in Seattle when we would load up in the cadillac, listen to Amy Grant, and drive to the boutiques to buy earrings and books.  She loved to buy pretty holiday dresses for us girls and I have so many memories of standing in front of their fireplaces dressed up and feeling beautiful.  She had a way of making us all feel that way, even when we weren’t our best. 

 

Strength-Granny’s quiet strength is something I’ll never understand.  She had a presence without saying a word.  She prayed for us.  She cried with us.  She laughed with us.  She was the quiet observer who took everything in.  And then, she went to work asking Jesus to be with us in every step of our trials.  Granny quietly understood us.  There are so many of us and yet, she knew exactly how to handle each of our unique personalities in both good times and bad.  She wasn’t into working out, ever, to my knowledge.  But her strength was that of a lion in the form of a lamb.  Never underestimate the quiet ones.  They are working, even in their silence. 

 

Love-Some people never experience love like the love we received from our grandparents.  They inspired us to be so much.  Their love was unbelievable and encouraged us to love ourselves, our families, and others as Jesus did.   Some people go through life never even being exposed to a love like hers.  Everyone in this room was not only exposed to it, but experienced receiving her love.  She loved each and every one in her own special way.  Anyone who was even exposed to her kindness, her strength, her love, her cooking, was blessed.  And WE, were loved by her.  We were hers.  Our husbands and wives, were hers.  Our children were hers.  She loved us and what a blessing it was to be loved by such an amazing woman.    She was there for my first heartbreak.  And for all the heartbreaks after that until I met Steve.  She was there when our children were born.  She has been part of every major event in my life thus far.  How amazing that we got to do life WITH her for so long!  We are the lucky ones. 

 

Faith-her faith is something that I’ll never forget.  Granny loved us, but she loved Grandpa and Jesus more.  She understood the life that we are to live here on earth.  She had great love and she had great loss.  Her joy was real.  Her pain was real.  Her sadness was real.  But her love for Jesus and her faith of knowing she’d be reunited with those she lost someday, guided her life here on earth.  She never recited scripture, or told us to read our bibles.  She simply modeled the life of someone who did.  She never told us to love our enemies or be forgiving.  She simply lived the life of someone who did.  She was truly a reflection of the love of Jesus Christ.  When she woke up in the morning, she thanked Jesus for her day.  When she was alone, she talked to, praised, and cried with Jesus.  And in the days that preceded her death, she surrendered to Jesus.  She knew we’d be okay without her and she took his hand and entered into heaven.  She was no doubt greeted by the biggest group of her loved ones and they are celebrating her today.  

 

Chele said it best the other day when she referred to Granny as her first best friend.  She’s right.  Granny and our mom are the only women on the planet that know all of us and love us anyway.  There are only a few people in our lives that truly know all of us.  Losing someone who cares so deeply about you and loves you unconditionally, the way Jesus wants us to love, is a huge loss.  We’ve cried so many tears this week and I keep telling myself all the things that are supposed to make us feel better.  She’s in a better place.  She’s healthy.  She’s with her parents, siblings, Connie, Bobby, Cindy, Grandpa, the love of her life, and many more.  I am so happy for her, but I’m just not sure how to live life without her.  The only way to truly work through the loss of such an amazing person is to be a reflection of her for the rest of our lives.  We can give the love she gave us to the people we love.  She would want it that way. 

 

In closing, we asked Granny several questions for a school interview (a few years ago) and I want to share them with you. 

 

What is the most important thing in your life? My family

 

What has been your greatest success?  Having a happy marriage

 

What has been your biggest failure?  My biggest failure was not keeping my job after we got married

 

What was the hardest lesson you learned? We lived in the country and I had to go to Wellington, get a job at SWB Telephone Company and live on my own and manage my money

 

What brought you the greatest sadness?  The deaths of our son, daughter, and our parents

 

What is the secret to a long marriage?  Have good communication, be honest with each other, saying you’re sorry, you can’t always be right , trust and be respectful to each other, Love each other above all

 

Who is someone you’ve always admired?  My grandmother Charlie.  She set a good example.  Always kind, lovable, always loved everyone

 

What is the most important thing to learn in life?  Do not be quick to judge others.  First impressions aren’t always lasting.  Mind your own business.  It only hurts relationships. 

 

Do you have any regrets? None.  I’d do it all the same. 

 

“I’d do it all the same.”...What a testament to her faith in the life God gave her.  He knew her every step.  He knew her every breath.  She appreciated the path he set before her.  How lucky are we to be touched by her faith and how blessed are we to have been taught the importance of the perfect meringue, the strength of lipstick, and the unconditional love of Jesus. 

 

Limited Exposure

When I was in the fourth grade, a friend of mine had a slumber party.  I was so excited to go and couldn't wait for that night.  One of the items on the agenda was to watch a scary movie.  It was a movie featuring the scary character Michael Myers and I was terrified.  I tried so hard to sit and watch the movie.  I wanted to scream and act silly with my friends, but I just kept thinking...could this really happen?  This event started a stream of reoccurring nightmares for me that included a werewolf and a headless horseman.  Weird, I know.  

I remember calling my mom and telling her what was happening.  I can't remember exactly, but I am pretty sure she came and picked me up.  I think I maybe told the story that I wasn't feeling well.  Probably from eating too many malted milk balls which had happened at another party, but that is a story for another day.  Let's just say my inability to limit myself on sweet treats started long before now.  

Anyway, this fear of scary movies continued for the next several years.  At some point in my 6th grade year, I was told by someone at school that I should go see the movie Cape Fear for my birthday.  Being the extremely "cool" and know it all person that I thought I was, I suggested this to my parents.  Keep in mind before you begin judging them hardcore for letting me see this movie at my age, this was the time before movie trailers on social media and such.  Other than the rating, they really didn't know what this movie was about.  It also starred Robert Di Nero, Nick Nolte, and Jessica Lange.  So I'm sure they decided it HAD to be decent.  

Decent it was not.  

About twenty minutes into the movie, we quickly exited the movie theater as a family due to some disturbing scenes that TO THIS DAY, I can see in my head.  It became a core memory and I am really wishing I hadn't seen those things.  I know that this moment in time shaped my dislike for any kind of realistic fiction that includes scary and disturbing things.  I cannot watch those movies, read those books, or be exposed to those conversations without having many sleepless nights and concerned days.  

As an adult, I am now aware of the things that cause me to feel this way so I choose not to expose myself to them.  I want and need to be at peace.  This is important to me.  I surround myself with entertainment that doesn't cause me to be concerned, sad, scared, or angry.  Disney movies?  Yes, please.  

Why should life be any different? 

Lately I feel like Satan is working overtime.  A certain circumstance that happened a couple of weeks ago caused me to be full of anxiety and fear.  I was completely consumed by the source and kept going back to see what would be happening next, thinking I was in control of the outcome of someone else's actions.  I cried.  I talked to friends.  I got angry.  I even took my anger out on people who may or may not have anything to do with the situation.  

I was trying to control something that cannot be controlled.  I finally began to pray about what was causing me to feel so anxious and out of control and it finally occurred to me that I was allowing this to happen by exposing myself to something I know brought me pain, sadness, and anxiety.  

When this became clear to me, I decided to treat this situation like I did those scary movies from my past.  

I limited my exposure.  

And more than that, I expanded my exposure to my bible app, my bible, prayerful conversations with God, and changed the culture of the time I spent with people I love.  I repeated "Get Behind Me Satan" over and over until I could feel him move out of the way.  

The truth is that someone told me long ago that conflict with people or difficult situations stand directly in the way of your path to God.  Hate, dislike, distrust, misunderstanding, etc.,...they are simply obstacles in the path.  I have to find a way to give up that desire to "fix" and "control" these things and let God work to move them from my path.  

When I was a kid, I wanted to fit in so badly that I kept trying to give scary movies a try.  Every time, I had the same result.  I was scared and unsettled for days on end.  Finally, I decided that scary movies weren't for me and I haven't looked back. 

Some of my best friends love scary movies.  They watch documentaries that would keep me up at night.  They read books that my brain simply can't handle.  But...that is what works for them.  And I can respect that.  We don't all have the same opinions about scary movies, people, or life circumstances.  And that is okay.  

I used to think that everyone should hate scary movies because of the way they affected me.  But the truth is,  that is a "me" thing and I have to respect that my circumstance isn't that of everyone else.  My perspective isn't the same as others and that is okay.  

Perhaps you need to limit your exposure to something to give you peace?  

Food for thought.  

Hugs,

Amy

Life These Days

 Do you ever have those days when you wake up and just feel sad?  

Today is one of those days for me.  I don't know exactly why, but I am just going to go with it.  I can attribute it to one (or more) of the following factors.  

1.  We have ONE episode left of Ted Lasso.  Steve and I started this show at the beginning of the summer and we have slowly worked our way through the series.  We have one episode left.  I'm completely and hopelessly invested in this show and these characters.  My heart breaks with a little bit of each one and then it explodes with goodness at the same time.  This show and my emotions connected to it parallel nicely with life.  

2.  One of the BEST things to ever happen to our family happened this summer and I just can't believe it came and went so quickly.  Brett and Shae got married and to say it was perfect is simply an understatement.  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that the union of my children would out-do my very own emotions of my wedding day.  I can simply say this.  When I married Steve, at that point, it was the best day of our lives.  This coming September, we will have been married for 25 years.  In those 25 years, we've had some stuff.  And when I say that, I mean, WE HAVE HAD SOME STUFF.  The best advice I received from my mom during those tough times was this...

One day, you'll be sitting at the wedding of your children and you'll want to be sitting next to him.  You'll want to have that moment to share together.  

And she was right.  Holding his hand while we both cried when the kids got married was probably one of the most amazing realizations I've had in my life.  

Moms...they just always know.  

3.  Ryn-y Boo turned one this summer.  One year with the best job in the whole world (aside from being a Mom).  I didn't think I could love anyone like I love that child.  He fills us with the most amazing joy.  He loves his Papa and I think secretly that is because Jerry and Sue had a chat with God telling him that the baby has to like the Papa best because he has some pretty big holes in his heart and he needed them filled with the love only Ryn could give.  

And I'm simply okay with that.  

4.  I'm changing jobs.  I'm overwhelmed and excited and scared and all the things.  I am not writing that eloquently because I'm being honest and that is what my brain looks like in true honesty.  I have had ten classes of students that I loved with ALL OF MY HEART.  I look through pictures often to remember what they've all taught me.  If you have been a student of mine, you are in for life.  I love you.  I'll always love you.  I hope you learned to love school, but more than that, I hope you learned to love others like family and to live a life of love.  

I will still be working with kids, but it's different.  It makes me sad and excited and that is okay.  

5.  Tanner will be heading back to Manhattan in a week or so and my heart is about to shatter into a million pieces.  This is something life will never quite prepare you for.  They come and they go.  They come and they stay, and then they go again.  Then...eventually...they go.  They move their things out and they do amazing things with the life God has given them.  And you...stay.  You wait for them to call you when they need you.  You sit and think of the times when they were little.  You pray for their hearts and their minds and their souls and their future partners.  You hope you were able to teach them as much as you were supposed to before they go and learn from life.  

This is a struggle every August.  

And so I am sad today.  

Life can be so curvy at times.  When we look into the future, we hope for straight paths and clear views.  We hope life looks like driving through Western Kansas.  Straight and Flat.  

This summer, when I was in Missouri for a gathering, the roads were anything but straight.  My view was blocked by thick, unending trees.  It was really scary to drive there because I couldn't see what was around the bend.  I longed for the roads with sky from left to right-where I could drive and see for miles and miles.  I love that path because it is safe.  I know what is coming.  I can see the future for miles and miles.  

However, life isn't really like that.  And you know what?

I actually kind of liked the curvy roads surrounded by trees because it was fun.  It was adventurous and gave me a thrill in my stomach that as an adult, I don't let myself feel very often-because I am scared.  What if something goes wrong?  What if I miss my turn?  (Which I did several times in Missouri) What if it takes me longer to get where I'm going because I can't see the path?  What if I don't like it when I get there?  

And then I remembered my faith.  

When I'm on a flat, straight road and can see the path, I don't need God as much.  (or so I think)  When I'm winding around a path that diminishes my visibility, I need him.  I need to rely on him.  I need to trust that it will all be okay...even if I miss a turn.  

This summer has been a wonderful, curvy and winding path.  And today, looking back, it makes me feel a little sad that it is over, a little scared at where we are going, and a little grateful for all we've been through.  

So I'll let myself feel all the feelings and let God decide if the rest of the year will look like Western Kansas or Missouri.   

Path and sight unseen by me, but always known by God.  

Friendship Peaks and Valleys

 Lately I have seen a number of Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok posts regarding friendship.  I have read many books regarding the art of friendship and I have experienced several of the situations talked about in these posts and chapters.  

I will say this once and I could say it one thousand times over.  Friendships can be hard.  If anyone tells you they aren't meant to be hard or they shouldn't be, perhaps they aren't the kind of people who stick it out for the long haul.  

Hear me out.  

I know several people who have seen friendships that they thought were rock solid, go by the wayside lately.  People who feel excluded, less than, left out, and more.  This kind of change in relationship can leave a person wondering what they did wrong or what happened.  They question things they said or times when they were together.  They over analyze all of the things from phone calls, conversations, text messages, etc.  I know because I have been there.  

But...what if it isn't about you.  

Let that sink in for a minute.  What if the change in relationship isn't about something you did at all?  What if that person is dealing with something...or many things...that are causing them to act differently.  So differently that they don't even recognize themselves.  

And furthermore...what if who you are in these very moments when you feel the most disconnected and distant, is who you are meant to be for them right now.  

What if you relaxed and stopped wondering what you did wrong and understand that you didn't do anything wrong.  That you did and are continuing to do all the things right by loving them from afar.

What if you patiently wait until that person needs you in a different capacity and WHAT IF...you're still there when they do?  

That is friendship.  That is the kind of person we all need in our lives.  Someone who knows their worth and doesn't question it when we are in the valleys of our friendships.  It takes confidence.  It takes understanding.  It takes unconditional love.  It takes loving like Jesus.  He understands because we often become distant from him.  When things in life start to crumble or get tough, we either lean in or we walk away.  But he's always there when we come back.  When we are ready.  He's always the one who knows what we need.  

In this one life where we are living to be a reflection of his love, why do friendships get excluded from that?  So your bestie isn't your bestie anymore.  So your friend is hanging out with other people and you don't get the invite.  So you are home alone on a Saturday night wondering what everyone else is doing and wondering why you didn't get an invite.  

What if you BELIEVE that your bestie will always be someone you connected with in a special way at one time and just might again.  What if you were happy that your friend found other people in her life that she connects with in a special way.  What if you not getting the invite is because you aren't supposed to be in those moments and that isn't because you don't deserve to or don't measure up, but because your path in this season of life looks different than hers.  You aren't less than.  You aren't unimportant.  You are right where you are supposed to be and so is she or so are they.  

Get out of your head.  Go call someone to do something fun.  Make a new friend.  Learn a new hobby.  Try something to take your mind off of losing a friendship.  Because the truth is, you didn't.  You are just letting them have the space that sometimes friendships need.  

Know that in the right timing...that doesn't have anything to do with you...you'll be with the people you are supposed to be with and will be right where you belong.  

Don't close the door on those friendships.  Don't be "sad because they are over".  Be thankful that they were in your life and BE THERE when they are ready to be again.  

What a reunion that will be when you get together again and you don't hold a grudge for life happening just as it should.  

Right?  

Creating

This year, I have challenged myself to live a life of creativity.  

Creating can be so many things.  I have always been afraid of crafts.  I am not very good at crafts following directions.  Projects, much like recipies, have specific ingredients, materials, and systematic directions.  I can buy the ingredients or materials...NO PROBLEM.  Buying things is one of my gifts.  It is the systematic and sequential directions that give me trouble.  

As a creator, it occurred to me that I need to be able to create things that require less "step by step" instruction and more room to create.  I think this is why I like making rugs.  I had to follow directions to get started and truthfully, I have to follow a pattern in order to make it work, but there is some wiggle room as to how I want it to look.  I can creatively try diffferent materials and patterns and the end result is unlike anything I've seen.  It is something that can be done while watching television or visiting with friends and that I truly love.  I follow several people on Tik Tok who turn entire living spaces into beautiful creations.  That takes power tools and know how.  Two things of which I do not have.  That will have to wait.  

I also love creating writing.  I love to write blog posts, devotions, and recently have taken up writing poetry.  I love the way my mind puts words into motion.  Sometimes my mind cannot put my body into motion, but it does have a way with words.  This is also a gift and I am so proud of the words that somehow come to fruition from my thoughts.  If you know me at all and have watched my mind process slowly, this comes as a surprise to you.  To be honest, my words surprise me as well.  

I am learning to create calming spaces in my home by removing some of the unneccesary clutter.  I honestly think creating can be as simple as cleaning the kitchen or clearing your laundry room of clothes that need to be put away.  By doing those things, I'm creating a space that feels good for all of us.  

I am learning to create meals with my husband.  Cooking together is fun because we can laugh and be together while doing this.  Our space is small and we get a little territorial.  To be honest, he is a better cook than I am and I enjoy eating the meals he prepares.  When he has an off-season, I learn to depend on his presense.  I enjoy visiting with him after school and having his friendship.  He is not so good at the Starbucks and coffee runs, but I have someone for that.  I love creating new things with him because it helps me see that our future will be full of these moments.  Our kids are almost grown and as scary as that is to think about, I love learning new things that we can do together.  He loves game shows.  I love puzzles.  We love cooking together.  It occurs to me that we are getting older and are complete nerds.  I kind of love this.  

Finally, I love to create music.  I have always loved to sing.  I love it with all of my heart.  For a long time, I think I thought that in order to create music, there had to be someone to hear my song.  I sang at church for many years.  I sang at weddings and even a few funerals.  Unfortunately, my voice isn't as strong as it used to be and neither is my emotional stability.  My parents have always been my biggest supporters and loved hearing me sing.  I love hearing my parents sing as well.  Singing has been part of who I am for my entire life, but I felt like if I wasn't singing on stage, I wasn't singing for a purpose.  I am learning that I can use my voice to create song and even if Jesus is the only one who hears me, I am still singing and creating.  I sing to Ryn when no one is around.  We sing a lot of You Are My Sunshine because he truly is our Sun and we live for his warmth.  I am currently singing in my car to Taylor Swift's Midnights album as often as I can and I still get the words wrong.  That is also one of my gifts.  You can't win them all.  

Each day when I sit down to fill in my habit tracker, creating is marked complete.  I feel a sense of accomplishment doing this because it helps me to see that even though I am making a conscious effort to create now, I have honestly been doing it all along.  

This year, I have challenged myself to live a life of creativity.  What will you create?  

Referee of 3

When The Curtain Closes

 When I was in high school, I stumbled upon drama and theater.  The memories I made from being part of the plays and musicals will always be some of my very favorite.  I loved every minute of being part of the alternate lifestyle of the characters I played.  

If you asked my family, they might add that I've always had a flair for the dramatic.  Learning to be someone completely different than who I really am was a fantastic escape from the pressures of my real life.  

We spent countless hours rehearsing for our big show.  We went over and over our lines and our songs until it was time for opening night.  The lights went out, the curtains went up, and the show went on.  We spent months preparing for something amazing that we knew would be over in three short nights.  

But we did it anyway.  

We knew it wouldn't last.  We knew all that we put into making that show perfect wouldn't be around forever, but we did it anyway.  When the show was over, the props and scenery were put away.  The make-up we wore came off and the costumes were hung up for the next show.  The curtains came down and the lights went up.  

That was it.  

What once was a crowded room full of people, laughter and tears was now an empty space filled with silence.  If you closed your eyes and listened hard enough, you could see it all happening in your mind.  The show was over, but the memories and the feelings would go on forever.  I'm so thankful for those memories. 

After we lost Grandpa last fall, Granny made the decision to live in a facility.  This meant that mom and her brother were left with the exhausting job of going through their parent's belongings and preparing the house to sell.  

This has been an emotionally taxing experience for all of us.  I won't tell all of the details as some things you just have to experience for yourself.  What I will share is how I thought this was very similar to my memories of being in theater.  

We've spent countless hours in the home of my grandparents.  We were lucky enough to have my Grandpa for 95 years and my Granny is still with us.  We are a family that spent EVERY holiday together and I mean that.  We had wonderful dinners, birthday parties, anniversaries, and more in that very house.  We gathered as a family and spent time together more often than not.  

As our family has worked to prepare the house to sell, we find ourselves closing the curtain on this show.  We are putting away the props and scenery, taking off the make-up, hanging up the costumes. And what an amazing show it has been.  There has been more laughter than I can explain and more tears than I want to remember.  

We knew it would come to an end.  It always does.  Yet...if given the chance to live every minute of it over again, we would.  Without a doubt, we would.  

It is my hope as we all move in the direction of new traditions, that we create a "show" as great as the one we've lived with our amazing grandparents and their adventures.  We've learned more from them and from being together than I fully understand and I pray I can give that to my own family.  

As the belongings are auctioned off, our hearts hurt.  As the house sells to another family, we are sad. We know the beauty that house has to offer its new owner and we hope they can feel the love upon entering.  The curtains are going down for the last time.  But if we close our eyes and listen hard enough, we can see it all happening in our memories.  

Living this out with these people has been the best role of my life.  I'm so thankful I was selected to be in this show.  And as they say in show business, the show must go on.  So on we go.  

Amy