Referee of 3
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Hope
Today was Jenny's funeral.
There are not words to describe how I felt when I left that church. And I think you had to be there to actually understand the feeling.
Or I guess I should say feelings.
I left there today in tears. As I drove away...tears ran down my face faster than I could wipe them. I pulled into McDonalds to grab something to eat on the way home and could hardly gather myself to order...
My stomach was in knots. My head hurt so bad from trying not to just fall apart at the front of the church. I had the honor of singing at the funeral which is a blessing and a curse. I am able to give a gift...even if it is the only thing I can give in a family's time of loss...that is from God. For anyone who knows me...you know I cry. I cry a lot. I cry over anything that is even remotely touching...or sad...or even happy sometimes. If you look at me nice enough...I might cry. So singing at a funeral is a pretty big deal for me. I have to hold it together long enough to get the song out...and then I can usually return to my seat and fall to pieces. Except today...my seat happened to be at the front of the church.
Jenny was a young Mother of two. A 12 year old boy and a 9 year old girl. Jenny was loved so deeply by her husband and her family. Family that happens to include my friend Stephanie...who lost her own daughter only three years ago in a car accident. That family has been through the valley.
As I looked at those kids...crying...missing their Momma...I thought to myself...How will they go on? How will their lives change? What now?
I have not lost very many people that are close to me. I have lost Great Grandparents (when I was too young to know what I had truly lost)...and my dear Grandma Katie (oh how I miss her). I lost my Uncle suddenly a couple of years ago, which was very hard for our family to deal with. For the most part, we have not had to deal with death. But my husband has. He lost his Dad when he was 19 years old. And he has been gone for 16 years. He knows first hand what that loss is like. He knows what losing someone is like. He is wise beyond his years in what it feels like to have to move forward without a parent. And I thought of something...
Coach has had so much joy.
He has suffered an immeasurable loss in his life. Life without his Dad has been hard. Harder than anyone knows. He has more moments than I can share when he misses him beyond what we can imagine. And I am sure that when he left the church that day...people thought...What will they do without their Dad? How will they go on? What now?
Since the loss of his Dad...He and I met...fell in love...and married. We have three wonderful sons. He has a job that he is successful at and is proud to be a part of. He has touched the lives of more students than I can count. He has such good friends...and family that cares so much about him. And he has strengthened his relationship with Christ.
He would give anything I would imagine to have his Dad back in his life. But my point is this...
He had immeasurable pain when he lost his Dad. But he has had joy. He continues to live a life with many reasons to live.
And so will Jenny's family. They will miss her tremendously. The entire congregation will miss her tremendously. But the beauty of today was that I realized...life does not end with death. There is still joy to be had here on this earth. For us...and for Jenny's family. And Jenny is experiencing the joy that we all look forward to when we are called Home. There is joy out there for all of us to experience if we have Christ in our hearts. God doesn't just leave us here to suffer. He leads us through the valley to find the Mountain Top.
Thank you Lord for helping me see the glimmer of hope that was in today. And give Jenny a hug from me. She will be greatly missed.
Referee of 3
There are not words to describe how I felt when I left that church. And I think you had to be there to actually understand the feeling.
Or I guess I should say feelings.
I left there today in tears. As I drove away...tears ran down my face faster than I could wipe them. I pulled into McDonalds to grab something to eat on the way home and could hardly gather myself to order...
My stomach was in knots. My head hurt so bad from trying not to just fall apart at the front of the church. I had the honor of singing at the funeral which is a blessing and a curse. I am able to give a gift...even if it is the only thing I can give in a family's time of loss...that is from God. For anyone who knows me...you know I cry. I cry a lot. I cry over anything that is even remotely touching...or sad...or even happy sometimes. If you look at me nice enough...I might cry. So singing at a funeral is a pretty big deal for me. I have to hold it together long enough to get the song out...and then I can usually return to my seat and fall to pieces. Except today...my seat happened to be at the front of the church.
Jenny was a young Mother of two. A 12 year old boy and a 9 year old girl. Jenny was loved so deeply by her husband and her family. Family that happens to include my friend Stephanie...who lost her own daughter only three years ago in a car accident. That family has been through the valley.
As I looked at those kids...crying...missing their Momma...I thought to myself...How will they go on? How will their lives change? What now?
I have not lost very many people that are close to me. I have lost Great Grandparents (when I was too young to know what I had truly lost)...and my dear Grandma Katie (oh how I miss her). I lost my Uncle suddenly a couple of years ago, which was very hard for our family to deal with. For the most part, we have not had to deal with death. But my husband has. He lost his Dad when he was 19 years old. And he has been gone for 16 years. He knows first hand what that loss is like. He knows what losing someone is like. He is wise beyond his years in what it feels like to have to move forward without a parent. And I thought of something...
Coach has had so much joy.
He has suffered an immeasurable loss in his life. Life without his Dad has been hard. Harder than anyone knows. He has more moments than I can share when he misses him beyond what we can imagine. And I am sure that when he left the church that day...people thought...What will they do without their Dad? How will they go on? What now?
Since the loss of his Dad...He and I met...fell in love...and married. We have three wonderful sons. He has a job that he is successful at and is proud to be a part of. He has touched the lives of more students than I can count. He has such good friends...and family that cares so much about him. And he has strengthened his relationship with Christ.
He would give anything I would imagine to have his Dad back in his life. But my point is this...
He had immeasurable pain when he lost his Dad. But he has had joy. He continues to live a life with many reasons to live.
And so will Jenny's family. They will miss her tremendously. The entire congregation will miss her tremendously. But the beauty of today was that I realized...life does not end with death. There is still joy to be had here on this earth. For us...and for Jenny's family. And Jenny is experiencing the joy that we all look forward to when we are called Home. There is joy out there for all of us to experience if we have Christ in our hearts. God doesn't just leave us here to suffer. He leads us through the valley to find the Mountain Top.
Thank you Lord for helping me see the glimmer of hope that was in today. And give Jenny a hug from me. She will be greatly missed.
Referee of 3
Friday, December 10, 2010
It is well
Thank you for all of your prayers for Jenny in the past couple of weeks. She passed away yesterday afternoon. Please continue to pray for her family as they go through the next few days...weeks...and months. Thank you.
When my Mom went to a Women of Faith conference about 5 weeks ago, Natalie Grant was there and performed It is Well. She came home to tell me about the most amazing performance she saw and how moving it was. If you have a minute today, you should listen...but make sure your sound isn't turned up too loud. Her voice is extremely powerful and doesn't have the same effect blaring through the speakers. I am sure in person...it was amazing.
It just so happens that our friend Stephanie...and her sister Jenny were at the same conference. So it is pretty cool that Jenny was able to experience this before she left to meet Jesus.
I listened and listened to the song yesterday. Over and over and over. Almost as if the more I listened...the more I believed the words. And when I woke up this morning...it was the first thing that popped into my head.
It is well...
With my soul...
It is well...It is well with my soul
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
We sing, holy, holy, holy
We sing, holy, holy, holy
And we sing, holy is your name, almost time
And Lord, please haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
As you go about your day today...try to remember that no matter what...with Jesus in your heart...it is well. Even when things seem to be at their worst...it is well. When we are frightened by the unknown...it is well. With Christ in our lives...it is well.
Have a Blessed Day!
Referee of 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkSXosmxgOc
When my Mom went to a Women of Faith conference about 5 weeks ago, Natalie Grant was there and performed It is Well. She came home to tell me about the most amazing performance she saw and how moving it was. If you have a minute today, you should listen...but make sure your sound isn't turned up too loud. Her voice is extremely powerful and doesn't have the same effect blaring through the speakers. I am sure in person...it was amazing.
It just so happens that our friend Stephanie...and her sister Jenny were at the same conference. So it is pretty cool that Jenny was able to experience this before she left to meet Jesus.
I listened and listened to the song yesterday. Over and over and over. Almost as if the more I listened...the more I believed the words. And when I woke up this morning...it was the first thing that popped into my head.
It is well...
With my soul...
It is well...It is well with my soul
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
We sing, holy, holy, holy
We sing, holy, holy, holy
And we sing, holy is your name, almost time
And Lord, please haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
As you go about your day today...try to remember that no matter what...with Jesus in your heart...it is well. Even when things seem to be at their worst...it is well. When we are frightened by the unknown...it is well. With Christ in our lives...it is well.
Have a Blessed Day!
Referee of 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkSXosmxgOc
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Restored
Okay friends...I have deleted my rant from yesterday. For two reasons.
1. I feel better and it is no longer needed.
2. It caused some people to worry and be concerned with my well being.
I am fine. Really...I am. I was just hit by a couple of low blows yesterday and I have a flair for the dramatic. I was extremely mad...and wanted to really let Satan know it. But...I also know that the anger is temporary. It always is. Here are the things that were weighing on me heavily yesterday.
My friend Stephanie's sister is dying of cancer. It is awful. And I am so sad for that family.
My friend Melissa is stuck...for lack of a better word...in Uganda. She is there and has been there for 16 weeks I believe. She is adopting a little girl named Mercy and they cannot seem to get her visa right. They were scheduled to be home today...and the news came crashing in yesterday that the visa had been revoked.
The WBC protesters are coming back to Mulvane in an attempt to make yet another scene. They will be protesting the American Legion (which is where the Patriot Guard originated) and that happens to be directly across the highway from Big and Middle's school.
So...in an attempt to get out my anger...I wrote my stupid stupid stupid post.
I also prayed...a lot yesterday. I did start out with...Sorry about swearing God...and then I went on to share with him all my thoughts on why things were going on as they were. How can one woman who is doing such a wonderful thing...continue to get the short straw over and over. Why can't she just come home and be a family with her husband and other two daughters? Why do innocent people get struck with fatal illnesses? And leave the rest of their family here to deal with the loss? Why do ignorant attention seeking people continue to surface in our lives?
And then I spent a lot of time just listening for an answer.
I heard nothing.
Until this morning on my way to have coffee with my parents. I heard a song...and I am restored.
Lord...I know you are there. And I am yours...so when you move I'll move. Until then, I'll try harder to keep my opinions to myself...and I'll be a better example of your gifts this season. Hope Joy Grace and Love. And No more swearing. (I will do my VERY best)
Listen to the song I posted and really hear the words. (I will follow, Chris Tomlin) I did today and I feel MUCH better. Thanks for all of you who were concerned. And sorry to fall to pieces. That is the awesome thing about Christ's love though...we can fall...and as long as we fall on Jesus...getting back up is an easy thing to do.
Have a Blessed Day!
Referee of 3
1. I feel better and it is no longer needed.
2. It caused some people to worry and be concerned with my well being.
I am fine. Really...I am. I was just hit by a couple of low blows yesterday and I have a flair for the dramatic. I was extremely mad...and wanted to really let Satan know it. But...I also know that the anger is temporary. It always is. Here are the things that were weighing on me heavily yesterday.
My friend Stephanie's sister is dying of cancer. It is awful. And I am so sad for that family.
My friend Melissa is stuck...for lack of a better word...in Uganda. She is there and has been there for 16 weeks I believe. She is adopting a little girl named Mercy and they cannot seem to get her visa right. They were scheduled to be home today...and the news came crashing in yesterday that the visa had been revoked.
The WBC protesters are coming back to Mulvane in an attempt to make yet another scene. They will be protesting the American Legion (which is where the Patriot Guard originated) and that happens to be directly across the highway from Big and Middle's school.
So...in an attempt to get out my anger...I wrote my stupid stupid stupid post.
I also prayed...a lot yesterday. I did start out with...Sorry about swearing God...and then I went on to share with him all my thoughts on why things were going on as they were. How can one woman who is doing such a wonderful thing...continue to get the short straw over and over. Why can't she just come home and be a family with her husband and other two daughters? Why do innocent people get struck with fatal illnesses? And leave the rest of their family here to deal with the loss? Why do ignorant attention seeking people continue to surface in our lives?
And then I spent a lot of time just listening for an answer.
I heard nothing.
Until this morning on my way to have coffee with my parents. I heard a song...and I am restored.
Lord...I know you are there. And I am yours...so when you move I'll move. Until then, I'll try harder to keep my opinions to myself...and I'll be a better example of your gifts this season. Hope Joy Grace and Love. And No more swearing. (I will do my VERY best)
Listen to the song I posted and really hear the words. (I will follow, Chris Tomlin) I did today and I feel MUCH better. Thanks for all of you who were concerned. And sorry to fall to pieces. That is the awesome thing about Christ's love though...we can fall...and as long as we fall on Jesus...getting back up is an easy thing to do.
Have a Blessed Day!
Referee of 3
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
No other way
“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” - John 14:6
Yesterday, a couple of things were bothering me. I tried all day to "fix" my mood. But nothing worked. I tried eating...and that just made me feel guilty. I tried cleaning...and that was just no fun. I tried reading funny emails...no such luck. I even tried watching cartoons with Little to see if maybe I would laugh...but I simply got annoyed. Cartoons aren't what they used to be.
So in an attempt to save my day...I went to the Lord. I listed one by one the things that were weighing me down. I asked Him to please give me even a peek at the plan He had before us...and to please just give me the patience to get through the day...and the grace to handle anything that might be thrown in front of me.
It is simply amazing to me how He answers sometimes. What gets me...is that He ALWAYS answers. It isn't what I sometimes would like to hear, but I hear it none the less. He shows me the light in the smallest, but most wonderful gestures from other people. He gives us moments of peace in a month full of chaos. He brings us comfort from our family and joy from a 3rd Grade performance of the Nutcracker. He knows...what I need. And I know that if I trust...even in the moments when I can't quite get myself turned around...that He will answer.
There is no substitute for His plan...for His Grace...for His Mercy...and for His Love. No Cookie dough or cartoons is going to help me like God does. And I know this...yet I still try to fix my own problems. Someday I'll learn...
Until then, I'll eat cookie dough and talk to God to the glorious background of cartoon noise.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
Yesterday, a couple of things were bothering me. I tried all day to "fix" my mood. But nothing worked. I tried eating...and that just made me feel guilty. I tried cleaning...and that was just no fun. I tried reading funny emails...no such luck. I even tried watching cartoons with Little to see if maybe I would laugh...but I simply got annoyed. Cartoons aren't what they used to be.
So in an attempt to save my day...I went to the Lord. I listed one by one the things that were weighing me down. I asked Him to please give me even a peek at the plan He had before us...and to please just give me the patience to get through the day...and the grace to handle anything that might be thrown in front of me.
It is simply amazing to me how He answers sometimes. What gets me...is that He ALWAYS answers. It isn't what I sometimes would like to hear, but I hear it none the less. He shows me the light in the smallest, but most wonderful gestures from other people. He gives us moments of peace in a month full of chaos. He brings us comfort from our family and joy from a 3rd Grade performance of the Nutcracker. He knows...what I need. And I know that if I trust...even in the moments when I can't quite get myself turned around...that He will answer.
There is no substitute for His plan...for His Grace...for His Mercy...and for His Love. No Cookie dough or cartoons is going to help me like God does. And I know this...yet I still try to fix my own problems. Someday I'll learn...
Until then, I'll eat cookie dough and talk to God to the glorious background of cartoon noise.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Road to Mercy
For those of you who have been following our friend's journey through adopting a child from Uganda, Mercy and Melissa are coming home on Thursday! Melissa has been there since August...leaving her two other daughters and husband here to continue on with normal life. They had no idea how long this process would take and have been asking for prayers for months to get them home...where they belong! Prayers have been answered and this is wonderful news. To read Melissa's story, please go to http://www.roadtomercy.blogspot.com/
Can't wait to see their smiling faces around town! WELCOME HOME MELISSA AND MERCY!!! See you soon!
Referee of 3
Can't wait to see their smiling faces around town! WELCOME HOME MELISSA AND MERCY!!! See you soon!
Referee of 3
The Nutcracker
Here in Mulvane, the 3rd graders do a performance of the Nutcracker each year. Tonight is Middle's turn. I am so excited for him! Especially after our Christmas program fiasco with Little. (Just kidding) And Middle is excited too. This is a MAJOR difference between Big and Middle. Big is much like his Dad in the sense that they just don't get excited over much. Especially something that draws attention to them. They both embarrass easily. And I am quickly learning that Little is following down that same path. But not Middle and I. We kind of like the attention and the spotlight. So it will be refreshing to see a performance from one of my kids that isn't humiliated beyond belief to be on stage or attempting in any way possibly to get their costume off while singing. Geez.
It is getting closer and closer to Christmas. Someone put on facebook that there are only 19 days until the big day! For a second I was panic stricken. And then a good friend of mine commented and said that she didn't want it to go so fast so she could enjoy it. What a good attitude! I am enjoying the decorations. I am enjoying the music. I am enjoying the movies. The boys and I watched Elf last night and I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. I am enjoying the traditions...and the time spent with the ones I love.
I think I am afraid that in 19 days...that will come to an end. And for the most part...it will. But the feeling of Christmas doesn't have to go away. We have the ability to keep that in our hearts all year long if we so choose. I think that Christmas is a time to refocus. To really think about the things most important to you. And then we have a bad habit of jumping right into the New Year of Me Me Me. I need to do a better job of keeping that focus all year long. The focus of my Family...together time...and our time with God. I am really good at getting focused...but staying focused? Well that falls under the "finishing a task" category that I struggle with so much.
For instance...I cleaned my entire kitchen...top to bottom. I cleaned out drawers and counter tops. I made a basket full of filing and sorting that needed to be done from months of paperwork. And the kitchen was complete. But the basket? Still on the counter. It needs to go to the basement. And I went to the basement twice last night...but the basket remains on the counter. Task unfinished. Story of my life. Laundry in the dryer. Clothes on the dresser. Groceries on the counter. Christmas cards half addressed. And it isn't that I don't want to finish the job...I am just very easily distracted!
So...I need to get and stay focused...and finish the job. Family time...traditions...and the love of Christmas time can be carried out all year long. It is a choice. We can have 19 days or we can make a commitment to allow the Spirit to fill us all year.
What will you choose?
Please pray for Jenny Schaar and Family today. Jenny is the sister of my dear friend Stephanie and I mentioned her cancer awhile back. She has been fighting an uphill battle for days now. Her Family is with her and they are all in need of your prayers. Thank you so much.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
PS~The toys are coming in and I am so appreciative of all your efforts. I will put some pictures on here later to show you. Thank you!
It is getting closer and closer to Christmas. Someone put on facebook that there are only 19 days until the big day! For a second I was panic stricken. And then a good friend of mine commented and said that she didn't want it to go so fast so she could enjoy it. What a good attitude! I am enjoying the decorations. I am enjoying the music. I am enjoying the movies. The boys and I watched Elf last night and I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. I am enjoying the traditions...and the time spent with the ones I love.
I think I am afraid that in 19 days...that will come to an end. And for the most part...it will. But the feeling of Christmas doesn't have to go away. We have the ability to keep that in our hearts all year long if we so choose. I think that Christmas is a time to refocus. To really think about the things most important to you. And then we have a bad habit of jumping right into the New Year of Me Me Me. I need to do a better job of keeping that focus all year long. The focus of my Family...together time...and our time with God. I am really good at getting focused...but staying focused? Well that falls under the "finishing a task" category that I struggle with so much.
For instance...I cleaned my entire kitchen...top to bottom. I cleaned out drawers and counter tops. I made a basket full of filing and sorting that needed to be done from months of paperwork. And the kitchen was complete. But the basket? Still on the counter. It needs to go to the basement. And I went to the basement twice last night...but the basket remains on the counter. Task unfinished. Story of my life. Laundry in the dryer. Clothes on the dresser. Groceries on the counter. Christmas cards half addressed. And it isn't that I don't want to finish the job...I am just very easily distracted!
So...I need to get and stay focused...and finish the job. Family time...traditions...and the love of Christmas time can be carried out all year long. It is a choice. We can have 19 days or we can make a commitment to allow the Spirit to fill us all year.
What will you choose?
Please pray for Jenny Schaar and Family today. Jenny is the sister of my dear friend Stephanie and I mentioned her cancer awhile back. She has been fighting an uphill battle for days now. Her Family is with her and they are all in need of your prayers. Thank you so much.
Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3
PS~The toys are coming in and I am so appreciative of all your efforts. I will put some pictures on here later to show you. Thank you!
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