Ode to the CRAZY Baseball Mom

You know those friends...that will just always listen to you when you have something to say?

I'm the opposite.  I mean...don't get me wrong.  I love listening to my friends in their time of need.  But I guess I could also be the friend who has something to say.  Like...all the time.  In fact, I go seeking out people who will listen to me when I'm in crisis.  Which is often...because I'm a bit of a nut case these days.

Anyway...

Tonight, after a very long day season of baseball...I had to run to the store to get more water, Gatorade, twizzlers, baby powder (moms of boys...you get this), etc.  The sweet cashier noticed my freshly sunburned skin and my super tired eyes and simply said..."Baseball tournament?"

That was all it took.

She was obviously my new best friend wanting to hear every part of my day.  And that is when it happened.  I started telling a complete stranger about how I had three boys and how I'd always dreamed of having little dancing girls.  Then I told her of our summer and baseball and how once...we'd had 17 games in ONE WEEK.  She smiled and said..."oh I miss those days."  What?  You miss what days?  I mean...you can't be serious right?  You miss the days of dragging coolers and chairs to fields that are at least three miles from the parking lot?  You miss sitting in the heat sweating your make up right off your face while yelling encouraging words of wisdom from the bleachers?  You miss late nights of unloading and reloading coolers...scrubbing baseball pants with little success as if the red dirt is taunting you with each scrub?

What is it that you miss?  (I asked sheepishly)

She then said..."I guess I just miss the whole experience of having young kids and being part of their every day lives."

Oh...

That was all it took.  I swiped my card, told her thank you for my groceries...and left...

(this will shock you)

in tears.

I got to the car just in time to rip open the bag of twizzlers, put five in my mouth, and cry for a few minutes.

What is wrong with me?  I have three...happy...healthy...loving boys.  They love baseball and even though I am so tired of the stupid tournaments and washing the stupid pants, and loading the stupid coolers...I love them.  I love their love of the game.  I love their sweet little faces and I know...I KNOW...that it will soon be over and I'll be wishing I was sweating it out at a game with them.

And so...

I will no longer be going to the grocery store on late nights when my emotional state is obviously uncertain.  I will however be cherishing every minute of our last ball games of the Summer tomorrow.

Baseball parents(and softball...and soccer...and football...and anyone who wants to punch in right now)...

PUNCH IN.

We only get this life one time.  I only get to be their Mom and be their biggest fan for a little while.  And even though I'm exhausted and sunburned to a crisp...

I'm in.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

En~COURAGE Someone

I once read a book that defined encouragement as the act of inspiring courage.  Another definition means the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.

Have you ever felt so worn down by something that you just didn't think you could go on?  Maybe it is your job.  Maybe it is your marriage or your children.  Anyone who has a new baby, a three year old or a teenager right now is giving me an 'Amen'.  I hear you sister...I hear you.  Perhaps your exhaustion comes from relationships outside of your home.  Maybe it comes from all the tension in the world right now with hot button topics and controversial acts in our country.Whatever it is that weighs you down, I get it.  I feel it.  I understand it.

I wanted to give you an example of how to help someone else and yourself at the same time.  When I was little, I used to love singing "This Little Light of Mine" in church and Sunday School.  There is a newer version today on Christian radio that I also love.  I remember singing the older version at the top of my lungs with my finger high in the air.

This little light of mine...
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine...
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine...
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it SHINE...Let it SHINE...Let it SHINE

I can't remember all the verses, but I do remember that I wasn't going to let Satan blow it out, I wouldn't hide it under a bushel, and I was going to let it shine all day as loud as I could.  (shocking...I know)

As adults, we still walk around with that little flame inside.  And sometimes...the weight of the world tries to blow it out.  We get frustrated and angry...and our light flickers and threatens to go out.  So how do we fix it?

We encourage one another.  

I've seen in the last few years, some amazing examples of encouragement in my own life and I can't explain what that does to my "light".  Words of affirmation are important to me.  Maybe more important to me than others, but I think the truth would be that everyone likes to be encouraged.  We say all the time that we don't care, but we really do.  We care what others think.  We care how others feel.  We care about a lot of things we pretend we don't need or want so that others think we are tough...strong...and stable.  I want you to think back to a time when someone complimented you for something like being a good spouse.  Think about a time when someone maybe told you that you were a good parent, or that you are good at your job.  How did that make you feel?  Did your light shine a little brighter?  I bet it did.  And I bet that person's light was glowing brighter as well.  Because sometimes, to give courage to someone else actually creates it in ourselves.

Think about the words at the beginning...

To inspire courage.

To make someone believe that they can...or they should...or that they are doing a great job.

You have that power.  We all have that power, but sometimes we are too busy, or too selfish to use it.

I challenge you all to encourage someone today and just watch the reaction.  Watch the chain reaction.  Watch the light inside you glow.  Step outside of your comfort zone and tell someone how amazing they are and you'll see a little weight come off of their shoulders.

Isn't this our job?  As humans?  To be good?  To be loving?  To inspire one another to be the best that we can be?

Yes.  Just yes.

This blog was inspired by the encouragement of a friend from something that was said to me yesterday.  Debbie...thank you for the encouragement.  You always lift me up.  <3

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

Surface Level

Sometimes I feel like I am meeting things in my life at surface level.

Meaning, I very rarely dig deep enough for it to impact my life...good or bad.  I find that the busier we are, the harder it is for me to completely give of myself to any one thing.  For instance, we've been crazy busy with sports this summer.  Big and Middle have started weight lifting, football camps, basketball camps, 7 on 7 football (whatever that means), and they own their own mowing business.  They too are meeting things at surface level...of this I am sure.  I am not lifting weights or attending hours of camps, but I am what I like to define as "crazy busy" myself.  Their actions reflect my leadership and it occurs to me that I'm not doing a very good job.

I am attending (occasionally) two workout classes, three times a week.  Don't be too impressed.  I made it one day this week.  I am trying to take over the cheer coach position for the high school and believe it or not, that has a LOT of jobs.  I am looking forward  to the changes in my classroom, but I'm working weekly on implementing changes that will hopefully benefit not only  my students, but my teaching experience as well.  All while attending 1957 baseball games in one summer.  (That is an extreme exaggeration-a.k.a.-hyperbole)

I know what you are thinking.  Poor me...the teacher who has the summer off to be free and enjoy life.  You are absolutely right.  I have time off from work and for that I am so grateful.  I'm not complaining.  What I'm saying is that even though I'm not working, I'm very busy with life.  The busier we are, the harder it is to truly give of yourself and go beyond surface level in anything you do.

Relationships can be that way as well.  When I am going from place to place and from person to person trying to make everyone happy, I tend to hit only the basic points of conversation.  How are you...how are things...are you enjoying Summer...etc.  Conversations are just that.  Surface level.  I don't have time to dig deep and I know I can keep up with people via social media.  I know what is happening because I look at Facebook and I scan Instagram, and I check twitter (even though I'm clueless about tweeting).  Surely I know what is happening from all the social media postings...right?

Wrong.

If you don't take the time to nurture relationships...and projects...and your body and health, they'll fail.  If you don't take care of the most important things and people in your life, they will become non-existent.  You would think...at my age, I would already know this.  I guess you could say, I've been reminded here lately of what is truly important.

Life is moving faster than I can keep up.  Instead of chasing my tail and being surface level-y with people and things in my life, I'm trying to make a list of what and who needs more than what meets the eye.

1.  God
2.  Coach (husband)
3.  Big, Middle, Little
4.  Family
5.  Friends
6.  Health
7.  Devotions
8.  School and Cheer

I need to dig deep and allow myself to only say yes to things I can commit to beyond the surface.  I want to give of myself completely to things and people who mean the most.  What will this look like?  I'm not sure.  I just know that it's time.

Grab a shovel.

Have a blessed day!  <3
Referee of 3

Changes

Being a human is hard.

I know this is a vague statement, but when I started writing, I wrote that being a woman was hard.  And the truth of the matter is, it isn't just women that deal with issues in life.  We all do.  Men, Women, and children, all face issues that mold and shape us into who we are as people.

For the longest time, I guess I thought that we would hit this place where we become who we will forever be.  I started thinking this when I was younger because of the things that defined me as a person.  Music and cheer were my life when I was younger.  I loved being in theater and being center stage.  I loved the excitement of sports (even though I really had NO idea what was going on) and I loved being in front of the crowd with my friends.  At that point in life, I remember thinking that I would either be a professional singer or a professional cheerleader.  Or a dance mom.  That was my life and those were my aspirations.  As you can see...life took a bit of a turn with three boys.

When my own children were born, I can remember putting them in this "box" if you will...of what they would become.  I knew from the moment they were two, three, five, eleven, and now thirteen...what they would become and what they would be like.  I'm not sure why I thought who they were at three is who they would be at thirteen, but I did.  As it turns out, they are very different now from who they were then.

As I look back, I am realizing that we aren't the same all of the time.  I think we have personality types.  I think we have likes and dislikes.  But thankfully...we don't have to be stuck in this box of "who we are".

I once read that in a woman's life, her hair texture changes seven times.  (This is paraphrased because my memory is awful)  That means...every "so often", your hair that used to scrunch up cute with gel, won't curl anymore.  And one morning, you wake up with what used to be straight hair, but now has a bit of a wave on one side.  What used to be thick, might be thin.  What used to be strong, might now be weak.  Our bodies take a toll in motherhood and in life, and physically, our hair changes.  This is random, but with all of my recent hair (and life) changes, I thought it might fit into this blog.

Life throws us curve balls every now and again and it changes us.  I'm not who I was when I was 17.  I'm not who I was when I was 27.  I'm not even who I was last year anymore.  Life changes us almost daily.  The longer I live, the more I find out how often we change.  I'm also being able to see how others change as well.

What is she talking about?  

I promise...I'll get to the point soon.

As I looked in the mirror this morning as I was getting ready, I realized that I've been through some pretty big changes this year.  Some good.  Some AMAZING.  Some difficult.  However...I'm not the person I was when I started going through these changes.  I'm different.  And that is completely okay.  It is okay to do something out of your comfort zone.  It is okay to try something new.  It is okay to try something and realize it wasn't your best choice.  And...it's OKAY to forgive people who also change in our lives.  We sometimes get so wrapped up in ourselves, that we forget that others are living life and making changes as well.  We need to be more accepting of our life changes, and sensitive to those of others.  We all change and that is just part of life.

Children whose life I influence...this is for you.

It is okay to be who you are.  Be true to yourself.  But know that in this life, you'll go through many changes and you may not be who you were yesterday due to things that happen within and out of our control.  We live...we learn...we become better people.  AND...those who truly love you as God intends...will continue you to love you no matter who and what you become.  (or what your hair looks like) :)

Now...after a week of cheerleader awesomeness...I am off to my regular life of baseball.  Have a blessed day.

Referee of 3 (+ 1 coach, 22 students, and 16 cheerleaders)

How Can It Be?

The other day, I was driving in my car and I heard a song.  Music speaks to my heart over anything else...it always has and it always will.

The song is called How Can It Be by Lauren Daigle and I wanted you to just read the words to the chorus.

You plead my cause
You right my wrongs
You break my chains
You overcome
You gave your life
to give me mine
You say that I am free...
How can it be?

I think in our christian walk, we've all felt this at one time or another.  We find ourselves in a world where Jesus doesn't exist.  Because we've allowed ourselves to shut him out and listen completely to the enemy.  This is dangerous territory, but sometimes...it feels different to live dangerously. (Right?)  It is intriguing to be a rebel and say no to right and good and just.  Because maybe right and good and just...let us down.  Maybe the right way led us to a painful place.  If it is so right and good...why are we feeling pain?  Why are we sad and let down?  We drown out the voice of God with the voice of the enemy.  Take that God.

But God never promised us a life without pain.  That isn't part of the deal.  What he promised us was life everlasting...with him...in Heaven.

How can it be?

And then...we find ourselves in a place where we have nothing.  The enemy did their job...and we are left in the destruction.  We find ourselves with nothing...but God.

The God who pleads our cause.
The God who rights our wrongs.  OUR wrongs...not his.
The God who breaks the chains that bind us to our mistakes...and lifts the weight of the burden that keeps us from him.
The God who overcomes the darkness.
The God who GAVE HIS SON'S life...to give us ours.
The God who says we are free...

How can it be?

How can God love me now?  After I shut him out?  After I made choices without him...without his guidance? Yet he loves me anyway.

We can't even begin to wrap our minds around this love because we are human.  When someone wrongs us...we get angry.  We get upset and hurt.  We turn on  them and justify our actions by our feelings.  It doesn't make sense.  I turn my back on you God...and you love me anyway.

You say that I am free...to live a life with you in Heaven for eternity.

How can it be?

We talked in church about the thief on the cross next to Jesus.  We talked about what kind of a life he led and how he was a sinner.  He was a dishonest, suffering, bitter man.  Who found the Lord in his last moments...and he too shall live in paradise.

How can it be?

It is an amazing love that we can't even begin to comprehend...yet we are shown grace.  We are made new. We are given life...through his suffering.  By his wounds we are healed.

How can it be?

If you haven't listened to this song...do so now. How Can It Be-Lauren Daigle You'll be blessed.  There is nothing we can do to make him love us more...and nothing we can do to make him love us less.

And that is just the way it is.  How amazing is God's love...

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

He Chose You

New year...new resolutions...new daily devotional.  I'm thankful for many gifts at Christmas time, but one of my favorites is the devotional I receive from my parents every year in my "stocking".  It is always a help when I set my new year's resolution to set aside time each day for the one who created me in the first place.

I can always tell when I have drifted too far off the path.  Usually, during the holidays, I find myself cranky, busy, and overwhelmed.  When I open my new devotional, I know I'll get my head straight and I know I have something to help me in doing so.

I've been reading this devotional and several others in an attempt to get my head and heart in the right place with God.  This is always a challenging thing to do, but this year, it has seemed increasingly difficult to find my way back.  It would appear that I strayed further than I thought.  I found myself becoming numb to things that used to bring me back.  I even stopped listening to Christian radio stations as they just seemed annoying and condescending.  It seems that God noticed my lack of attention and I know that he worked pretty hard to get me back on track.  He is still working in my heart today...and every day for the rest of my life.  He loves me that much.

What is amazing to me is how my eyes were opened to all of the things I'd been missing for so long.  I almost had no idea how lost I had become.  One day...when God was able to reach me, I looked back and noticed, I couldn't see the path at all.  I was in a place that I didn't even recognize.  I needed help...direction...guidance...and love.  So...this year's devotional is very special to me.  It has been serving as a prayer tool and a compass.  And bonus...it has a pink cover that I love.

Today's devotion was titled "He Chose You".  To sum it up, it talks about God's love and how we can't do anything to make him love us more.  We can do things to serve God, but as far as increasing his love for us, it is impossible.  He loves us unconditionally from the moment he creates us.  In reading between the lines...and listening for him to speak to me through those words, I suddenly realized, I can't make him love me less either.  Nothing I do...makes God love me less.  No matter how far I've strayed off the path...he loves me.  No matter how many times I refused to pray, or turned the radio station.  No matter how many times I didn't want to go to church, or made poor decisions...he loves me.  No matter what we've done...he loves us the same as he did when he created us.

Crazy...crazy...love.

One that I would love to understand more and show to others.

He chose me...to love...forever...no matter what.

Sometimes when you are the most lost in this life...you become found.

Isn't that amazing?

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

Parenting is NOT for the weak

I'm thinking of writing a new line of baby shower cards.  I'm going to call the line...

Parenting is NOT For The Weak.

I think new parents should know what they are up against.  Pastel colors, baby shoes, bottles, and sweet baby animals don't tell the whole story.  Not once...did I receive a card that said..."Hold on for dear life when they turn 3".  I don't remember reading one that said..."when they are 11...regardless of whether they are a boy or a girl...they'll cry without warning."  No one told me that teenagers are from mars.  I don't remember anyone saying..."here's my number...call me when you need me to take them off your hands at 15".  Everyone wanted to hold them at 15 weeks...but not at 15 years.  I get it now.  And I think others should know too.

I know...I sound crazy.  Stay with me.

I've thought about this one card though...that really should go to every parent in the world.  Or Grandparent.  Or anyone that cares about children really.  I'm calling it...the Lemon.


You see...as a parent...occasionally, life hands your child a lemon.  And you have to teach them to make lemonade.  Or lemon cake.  Or a delicious slice of lemon pie like my granny makes.  I can remember the first lemon every handed to Big.  He was standing at the door at his daycare, and he got his little bitty hand shut in   it.  We had to take him for stitches and it was awful.  I remember sitting there thinking...how awful for my baby.  And how did this happen?  It wasn't anyone's fault.  No one intentionally hurt him.  He just got hurt. It was a big ol' lemon.

 As a parent, there isn't anything worse than watching your child hurt.

I can remember watching Middle go through getting his tonsils out.  It wasn't fair that his tonsils were defective.  It wasn't fair that he had to have them out and had a bad, bad, bad, time with the recovery.  It wasn't anyone's fault.  It just was a big ol' lemon.

These two examples happen to be a physical hurt, but all kinds of lemons can occur in the life of a child.  We've also dealt with emotional hurts as well.  We've had a few heartbreaks...we've had a few sport-aches...we've had a few school disappointments.  And we always tell them...when life hands you a lemon...you make lemonade.

How cliche.

As our kids have gotten older, the lemons are less random and more by some of their choices.  And as a parent...that is a hard lemon drop to swallow.  (too much?)  It is more like...when you choose a lemon from the grocery store...you have to make the best of it by making something awesome with that lemon.

When things happen that we as parents deem "unfair"...we have to remember that it is a result of perhaps the choices they've made along the way.  I think if I were to be honest with myself...90% of the lemons that have ended up in my basket have been due to my own choices prior to arriving at the store.

We like to blame things on just random unfortunate events.  However...somehow, we usually have a hand in the way things turn out.  As do our kids.

I worry all the time when my children face disappointment.  You don't want them to have to deal with sad, bad, and mad feelings.  As a momma bear...I want to find blame in anyone BUT them.  However...in my heart of hearts...I usually know where at least a fraction of the blame lies.

I also have to realize that it is through many of my own lemons that I've learned to be what I am today.  If it weren't for lemons, I wouldn't have Coach.  I wouldn't have my boys, my teaching job, and many other important aspects of my life.

I need to fall on my faith and let my kids have their moments of success and "failure" without placing blame on random lemons.

It is just so darn hard.  The end.

If you are a parent and you get what I'm saying, punch in.

Have a blessed day!
Referee of 3

The Lemon Card

Congratulations on your new baby!  In life, they'll make choices that you'll want to blame on random lemons...but, really you need to know that they picked the lemon and they need to learn from it and make something amazing out of their mistakes.  Oh...and they'll be terrible at age 3, 11, and 15.  Good luck!

Love,
Amy